It's hard to go from Type A squared to a Type B. I've always admired people that wouldn't know stress if it jumped up and bit them. They could go with the flow and nothing seemed to get to them. I thought it would be kind of cool to adjust my thinking and lifestyle and incorporate that philosophy into my daily life. I know it would be better for me in the long run. On the other hand, these were the people that drove, walked and talked too slow. Just thinking about it makes me want to gnash my teeth. They took out their checkbook and started writing it after everything had been rung up at the store. I mean, don't you know that you'll have to pay for it? Why start at the last minute? Everything is at a much slower pace.
And that isn't me.
See what I mean?
Did I really say I thought it would be cool?
If I can't go back to high pressure situations, what can I do so I don't feel like a lump of doo-doo? In my mind it was either all or nothing and I chose all. My motto was work hard, play hard and rest hard. If anything was worth doing it was worth doing 150%. I hate sitting around and I'm running out of things to do. Not going 200 miles per hour on a daily basis makes me feel useless.
The days turn into weeks, turn into months then turn into years. I need to find something that brings my brain back. I need to imagine and dream again. I get sick of hearing myself say this over and over again but when I try to start the process the harsh realities come flooding in and dreams go out the window.