I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

For all of this Joanna:

Forgive me.

It was just too good to pass up!

I was in big trouble. I knew it when I said I'd go to the presentation. This is my knitting class all over again. It was just a matter of how much damage I'd do.

To be fair about this, I love essential oils. I think that the essence of certain plants and herbs have definite medicinal and healing properties. I got hooked on this when I was in college and started reading about them. I like to combine holistic methods along with conventional medicine. I do believe that there is room for both.

Now one of the first rules of sales is that you keep your eye on the target and you don't let them out of your sight. I know this. I've trained this. What did I do? This wonderful lady offered to take me to the presentation and I said, "Sure." 

I was a dead duck.

When we walked in the home it was set up perfectly. All the oils were set out and there was a diffuser in the room spraying a lovely, peaceful scent. It was just like being in a spa. 

The next salvo was fired.

Then we start with the flip board and the evils of the pharmaceutical companies. I could see it coming. I could feel it. 

Then..............as she explained the properties of the oils and locking her eyes on mine, she slowly unscrewed the cap and held it out to me.

"Smell it," she said.

I was done.

All I wanted to know is how much and how fast I could get my hands on these little babies and just like that I was an owner. I won't say how much I spent but I will say that it is on the same level as the offer my former husband made me if I finished the sweater. There's an old phone room saying. You want to make them ask how many are in the box. When they do that......well, you know you've got them.

I not only asked how many were in the box, I asked how many boxes they had and how soon I could get them.

For a woman who made her living in sales I just wish I had a hundred of me walking through the door everyday. 

I not only took the bait, I put the hook in my mouth for her.

Anyone need oil???????

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

I had a great day.

So what's the problem?

I was almost asleep and then I felt the twinge. I start thinking that if I ignore it, maybe it will go away. Nope. Not happening so I just put on another one of my "sleepy time" movies. The kind of movie where one of the coasts gets wiped out by a volcano, tsunami or another disaster of some sort. I just can't figure out what started the pain kicking in this evening. I mean I was relatively fine until about 15 minutes ago. What does this?? Then I remembered to check the humidity levels. 

Crap.The humidity, by 6 in the morning will be about 28%.

That's all it takes.

I started thinking about a conversation I had with a friend of mine about work. He's very dedicated, motivated and a typical Type A personality type. He's conscientious and caring. He works hard and the hours involved are brutal. It's almost as bad as new home sales. 

He also has no life. 

I know that we are defined by what we do. (If that's the case, I'm now screwed) I think people should be responsible because people depend on you. What I don't like is when you're roped in by the golden handcuffs and your employers take advantage of you. The sad part is that we tend to learn all this in hindsight.

I was telling him about my experiences and after the accident my body reached up and slapped me and said, "no more." I could hear the exhaustion in his voice and at the same time loving the industry. It's too good to leave and it's too bad to stay. That is still something that I struggle with every day when I get bored. I say I want something to do but what I really want is to be making money like I used to. Oh, I know it wouldn't be the same but it's the buzz of sales that really got to me. I still miss it.

I should try to get some sleep. I'm going to an essential oil presentation tomorrow and I don't want to fall asleep in the middle of it. I'm kind of excited to learn about the oils. What I'm not excited about is going to the presentation. Do you know why? If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that this will probably end up like all my other "hobbies." I'll come out of there with tons of oils and it will be presents for everybody!!  In all seriousness, I do know that the oils can be very helpful if you actually apply them.

So as I ramble on about nothing, I'm watching the movie Volcano. I'll wait until someone else gets to be a crispy critter and then try again to fall asleep. 

Well, now they're on a ladder three inches above the lava and they didn't burn up.

I think I need to watch the ones with tsunami's.

IT SOUNDS VAGUSLY FAMILIAR

All of a sudden a lot of things are emerging.

Brain things.

It makes me a little nervous.

Today I read about 4 articles concerning the stimulation of the Vagus nerve and its possible use for Fibromyalgia. 

Am I the only one that gets nervous about this stuff?


I just don't like the idea of anything fooling around with my brain until a little more solid research is done. Creating different pathways without knowing all of the effects that it has is just a little unnerving. 


The Vagus nerve is one of the longest cranial nerves. It's name is derived from the Latin word for wandering. Maybe because it wanders from the brain stem, neck and down to the abdomen. This wonder of a nerve helps regulate our heart beats, controls muscle movements, keeps us breathing and helps keep the digestive tract in working order.


Tell me our bodies aren't beautifully and wonderfully made!


In this new therapy short bursts of electrical energy hit the brain through the Vagus nerve. It seems that this stimulation inhibits inflammation in our bodies by suppressing cytokine production. Cytokines are released into your system and they help regulate our immune response. In people with Fibromyalgia these pro-inflammatory little babies provide a signal to the central nervous system and create an exaggerated response to pain. Thus, if the Vagus nerve stimulation can inhibit the cytokine production maybe it can reduce the pain of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. 


It seems that the side effects of the VNS (vagus nerve stimulation) therapy run the gamut from alteration of your voice, throat pain, headache, feeling out of breath, pins and needles feelings up to nausea and vomiting. 


All I have to read is nausea and vomiting and hell would freeze over before I would try it. (Did I ever mention that I have a phobia about vomiting???)


Upon further investigation I found out that, GET THIS, meditation can also stimulate the Vagus nerve.! It seems that a state of calm and peacefulness can activate it. So this begs the question, "Is it possible to control this voluntarily?" I almost hate to go there because too many people dismiss us as neurotics anyway but can we get a handle on the pain through meditation? I know that the brain can do amazing and miraculous things and I'd rather try meditation that having something implanted in me to send electrical charges to my brain.


OK.......I'm in..........Can I get an "OM?"


Sh...........


I need to be very, very quiet........................

THERE'S A SUPPORT GROUP FOR THAT

Some people think that by holding on you're strong.

Sometimes strength comes from letting go.

I went to the Fibromyalgia support group meeting a few nights ago. I have to say that it's a marvelous group of women. It's nice to be around people that understand what Fibromyalgia does to your body as well as your life. We live with chronic pain. Chronic pain is described as pain that lasts for longer than six months and affects how you go about your daily life. 


Putting it more succinctly: You're a prisoner in your own body.


I always took my body for granted. I knew my back would go out a couple times a year and during that period of time I'd be immobile. I'd get a couple of shots and have the chiropractor adjust my spine and I'd be back to life as usual. It was excruciating but I knew it would have an end. Just suck it up, put on your big girl panties and deal with it.


Until.


Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate living a life where pain would be my constant companion. Pain has affected my life, relationships, career; everything that meant something to me. Even on my best days where the pain level is very low, it's still there. It takes effort to go on and try to live a somewhat "normal" life. The problem is that this pain is forever. There is no cure for this invisible disease so this is a life sentence. 


Knowing and the acceptance of that fact can really screw with your head.


The purpose of the meeting was to discuss chronic pain and depression which seem to go hand in hand. I can totally understand that one. There were days that I didn't think that I wanted to deal with this illness any longer. It was a black hole that kept me isolated and down. I didn't have the strength, of mind or body, to deal with it. It was at my worst that I realized that letting go was the way to find my strength.


I can't go back to the way of life I had before the accident. I have come to realize that I will have some level of pain with me all of my life. I now know that there will be those that will never believe the pain and your limitations and there will be those that will look past it and see the person inside. What was interesting to me was talking to some of the women at the meeting. We all look at each other and think the other has it all together. Someone actually said that to me. Me? I have it all together??


Not even close. 


I was really intrigued by this couple at the meeting. They had a very powerful and moving story and their use of this kind of feedback seemed very encouraging. I'm so curious that I'd like to have a consultation with them just to see how this works. I'm not sold yet, but very curious. Can chronic pain change the neuro-pathways in the brain and, if so, is neurofeedback a viable option for treatment? I understand that it has generally positive results but I'm a little concerned about fooling around with the brain. There's so much that is unknown yet. If this can change the way the brain functions permanently could there be real adverse side effects if something should not be done correctly?


What it comes down to is that I'm gradually moving into the acceptance phase here. I'm realizing that I can't do anything about the pain but I can manage it. I don't know how it happened but I seem to be at peace with all of this.


Can it be?


Am I really progressing?


I still don't know how it happened but my thoughts seem to be moving in that direction.


Well, at least for today.


Tomorrow may be another story all together.

HONEY, HONEY......NO, SUGAR SUGAR

I'm wishing I could sink my teeth into these.

These health sucking, fat producing

vampire cupcakes.

I've been good lately. I've given up sugar because it just makes me feel better when I do, however, it isn't easy. I'd love to put my face in a big, fat cheesecake. I could probably eat it in one sitting but then I'd hate myself for eating the whole thing. I've never met a cheesecake that I didn't like. I know that refined sugar can also increase the flares of Fibromyalgia.

I'm really missing sugar right now.

Actually, I can blame this on a recipe that my friend Judy Westerfield posted on her blog, "Creativity to the Max." Just the visual of combining a sopapilla and cheesecake makes my mouth water. So, in honor of my annual mammogram, which is tomorrow, and for a little payback to my dear friend Judy, I proudly present:

The "I Don't Know Cake."

Now, I know baking is an exact science but no one ever told my mother that. In her estimation,some was good and more was better. If the recipe called for a cup of something she figured a little bit more or less wouldn't matter and for her, it didn't. Everything seemed to come out just fine. 

Anyway, back to the cake.

I called this the "I Don't Know Cake" because my mother had a weird way of writing down recipes. Nothing was titled and some beside some ingredients there were no measurements. So any of what I'm about to write is subject to change.

2 cups of sifted flour (actually don't even bother to sift. Just stir a fork around in the flour for a minute.)

2 cups of sugar (pretty self explanatory)

2 sticks of butter (salted, unsalted......who cares?)

3 Tablespoons of Cocoa (I'm guessing powder because she didn't say)

1 cup of Diet Coke (the recipe said Coke but, hey.......we're dieting here!!!)

1/2 cup milk

2 beaten eggs

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon of vanilla (actually it said, "or a little more")

1 1/2 cups of miniature marshmallows ( add a little more)

In a mixing bowl blend the flour and sugar. In a saucepan melt the butter and then add in the cocoa and the diet coke. Mix it well and bring it to a boil. Pour this into the flour mixture and blend well. Add the milk, eggs, soda and vanilla. Then carefully add in the miniature marshmallows.

Now the recipe actually had underlined the word "carefully." I guess you wouldn't want anything to happen to those sweet little puffs of joy would you? Pour this into a 9x13 baking dish and bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes. Set this aside to cool slightly.

Now for the yummy frosting!

1 stick of butter

3 tablespoons of cocoa powder

6 tablespoons of diet coke

1 box of powdered sugar

Melt the butter, then add the cocoa and diet coke. Pour this into the powdered sugar. Pour this over the cake while it's still warm. 

Actually I make a double batch because it turns into a glorious, wonderful, chocolate sugar bomb.

5 or 6 pieces of this make a nice snack!

Glorious, glorious chocolate!!!