Thursday, June 21, 2012


Just when you think you have a lot of pain.
You find out that it isn't as bad as you think.

I went to a support group meeting. I have to say honestly that I wasn't in the mood. I've been hurting so much and have been so tired that I just wanted to curl up in my chair and stare off into space.

There is a reason for everything.

Someone was there that was in so much pain and so overwhelmed that it was just too much to deal with for even another day. I have to admit that I've been there. I also have to say that in that moment the thought of bringing that kind of pain to my daughter made that thought go away. Prior to dealing with constant pain I thought that kind of thinking was terribly weak. It was something that I couldn't even fathom.

Enter the world of chronic pain.

Pain plays with your head. There comes a point when you need a break from the pain otherwise it will break you. The pain is stealthy. It slowly morphs into depression and the depression is a danger in itself. It wants to isolate you and tell you that this is all that you need. Pains evil touch makes us doubt our faith and our strength and fighting it is the only option that we have. No matter how we fight we need to realize that it is a fight that we will have our entire lives or until, magically, a cure is found.

Depression from chronic pain is just a wolf in sheep's clothing. We must stay vigilant and aware that the pain is causing our mindset. Depression will tell us that this fight isn't worth it. It will try to beckon our soul over to his side where he promises that the darkness will soothe our soul and give us a break from the pain. 

We must always remember that he lies.

Admitting depression doesn't mean that we're weak.

It just means that we've stayed strong for far too long.

It takes a strength of will to climb out of the dark into the light.

And one more thing.......

We are not alone in this fight.

We have each other.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


It has been 38 years.
Some days it seems like yesterday.

No question about it. I was a daddy's girl and proud of it. I still remember the day I found out that he was sick. I remember sitting by the window in Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital nestled in his shoulder crying my eyes out. There was nothing that he could say or do that would make this any better. He had always been able to fix anything for me.

But he couldn't fix this.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. The loss of my dad had such a huge impact on me. I didn't think anything or anyone could take his place in my heart. He pushed me because he knew that I needed to be pushed. He was tough and he was fair. Justice was a big part of his personality and he passed that on to me. He made me focus because he knew that I could sometimes be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what.

He sang "there she is, Miss America" when I walked in the room.

I've tried to pass those kind of memories on to my daughter. There is something special about that kind of relationship and he would have absolutely adored her. I don't have a lot of regrets about life but I do regret that he couldn't have known her. If he spoiled me that is only a small speck compared to what he would have done with her. She would have been the apple of his eye.

So, another Father's Day without him has come and with it a little piece of my heart still breaks. 

But, I am so thankful that I had a father that I could hold dear to my heart. 

I have wonderful memories that are such a part of me and that now make me smile.

Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Miss you?

Doesn't even come close...............

Saturday, June 16, 2012


110 degrees.
Under the eaves.
In the shade.

I've never liked the heat and I like it even less now. You'd think that after 48 years in Las Vegas that I would get used to the desert heat.

Not for a minute.

I didn't mind it as much when I was in the pool on a raft but with the onset of age and some common sense, I stopped baking in the sun. Then, when I was working, I spent a great deal of the day in the sales office. I only ventured outside when I couldn't talk anyone into not looking at their home site in the middle of the day. 

Since the thyroid regulates temperature is it still a by-product of the autoimmune issues I have with it? I take enough thyroid medication to keep it in the "normal" range but maybe it isn't enough. All I know is that the heat makes me feel awful.  At least I will be getting some of that natural Vitamin D. Did you catch the sarcasm of that last statement?

We're going to have excessive heat this week. I wasn't kidding about the 110 degrees. The official heat is measured at our airport under the eave in the shade. Really. In all actuality it will probably be 117 in the lower parts of the valley. This kind of heat is smothering. The temperature in the car can easily get to 140. You don't mess around with those kind of temperatures.

You have to plan any errands in the "cooler" part of the day. That means before 10 in the morning and after 7 at night. Even then I take a cooler with me to the store because a quick trip can mean frozen food can start to thaw. Sunglasses are a must if you have light sensitivity (which I do). 

So I'm hibernating this week and praying that the heat will break, otherwise, it's going to be a doozy of a summer. That doesn't take into account the amount of money I'll be donating to Nevada Power.

Gee, I can't wait.

So here I am wishing I was in Antarctica.


it's a dry heat.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Now, I've heard it all.
So to speak.
I love a good play on words.

I cannot believe what I just read. I'm going to include the link because I think everyone with Fibromyalgia should read what we're up against. Talk about making us believe that if we just talk out our problems it will make the pain all go away. Are we back to the medical community believing that this is all in our heads?? 

And it all comes down to a phone call.

I am absolutely amazed. I mean, I'm all for positive thoughts. Well, maybe I'm not. I've been told that I'm not an overly cheerful person so I'm just not the type to be optimistic and cheery. That's just not my personality. I'm of the persuasion that if it can go wrong, it will and at the worst possible moment. I'm not the one to talk about the power of positive thinking. I take that back....

I'm positive that it won't work.

If I follow that logic than I, by a mere phone call by my new BFF, can cure or at least manage the symptoms of any disease. Pain can be diminished by a mere uplifting and happy conversation by a cognitive behavioral therapist. I know some therapists and they also have chronic pain. They don't believe this for a moment. We'd all love it if it worked. We would be on the phone constantly and have our old life back. 

Oh, lest I forget, exercise is to be combined with this therapy. The one thing they can't figure out is how to manage the other symptoms that accompany Fibromyalgia. Also, it's not available and the cost is more expensive than they'd like. 


People have seen me curled up in pain. They've seen me normal, or as normal as I can be, and  they've seen the ugly. I'd like to take a survey and see what they'd say about this therapy. I don't think I could write some of the comments due to the language that would be used. I have and would spend my last dime if I thought it would help. What I can't understand is why this is the first treatment of choice. Maybe for mild pain but for moderate to severe pain?

Studies just love link Fibromyalgia to something. If it's not depression, than it's to Vitamin D deficiency or aspartame or mercury levels or stress or weight gain or, or, or, or, OR....... geez, it gets tiring of reading what researchers are trying to link Fibromyalgia next. It's still purported to be cured by nutritional supplements and while I think it does help our fabulous machine called the body, I don't know if it "cures" anything. I just get weird about things like that. If that's the case then it's just one step away from it being "our fault." I just don't think it's that simple. Fibromyalgia can be linked to anything but what happens in our central nervous system that flips the switch? Why not study that?

Research has come a long way and it has seemed to reclassify Fibromyalgia as a central nervous system disorder. I just can't figure out why we are still shipped off to rheumatologists rather than neurologists. I understand its because the symptoms manifest themselves as muscular pain but I still think a team doctor situation would be the best. One day, just maybe, there will be something that will work for us. It's just still tough when the medical community looks at you like you're nuts. 

The final insult, in my estimation, was that a researcher implied that the phone call might be tough because people with Fibromyalgia might not stick to it. That call is going to make me "aware" of how my thoughts and attitudes affect how I feel. Really? I'd like to tell them how I feel.

So, I guess, now I wait for the phone call.

We're the winner of the Fibromyalgia lotto.

One call, that's all and you're out of pain.

OK....maybe that's absurd.

Well, so is the premise.

Here is the link: Talk Therapy