IT DON'T COME EASY

I need doctors.

I need the medications they prescribe.

They still call what they do a "practice."

I wish they'd get it right.

I wish I didn't need them more.

When I'm asked a question, I give an answer. It's just the way I am. Good, bad or indifferent; you're going to get an answer. I didn't say you'd like it but, if asked, you will get my opinion.  Why do doctors ask you a question and then totally blow off your answers and/or your concerns? I don't wish illness on anyone but, for just one day, I wish they could feel what I feel. I'll bet they wouldn't be so dismissive then.

I really dislike spending one hundred dollars for ten minutes time. I fill out a little form about the pain levels and then I'm shown into a little room. A few minutes later I'm answering a couple of questions and then given my prescriptions. I'm shown out the door until next month.

Where are the doctors that treat the whole person? 

Where are the doctors that understand what pain does to the body and mind when pain occurs on a daily basis? 

I have to investigate other avenues myself. The use of aromatherapy, essential oils is something that is totally beyond them despite evidence to the contrary. I do need medications; I understand that, but why not use them in conjunction with other alternative forms of medicine. Why not use Guided Imagery, forms of yoga and Tai Chi and meditation? What about light therapy and water therapy?


Trust doesn't come easy to me and my distrust of the medical profession is almost equal to that of attorney's.


That is NOT a good thing.


It just doesn't make sense to me. Is it a time thing? They just want to cram us in like cattle. It seems like it is a whole lot easier to throw us some prescriptions rather than try to treat the whole person. They have no idea what they're prescribing and if there are any interactions with other medications or our diet.


Is it apathy?


For many of the people that suffer with an autoimmune disease or any disease that has chronic pain and fatigue as a marker, the day that an actual diagnosis is made, comes after years of disappointment and defeat. Most of us have had doctors who have made us feel like we're crazy or that our symptoms are just not that bad. Is it any wonder that there is a lack of trust in the medical community? Only a handful of doctors are even researching the causes of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. I can only pray that one day a cure is found. It takes a lot of funds and even then it's tough. Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue are  kind of "off the grid."


Until then.........
My opinion remains the same.


And it isn't real good.


But I need to keep my mouth shut because I need them.

I'M NOT A SCREAMER

But I could have.

I always wondered if I would recognize if something were really wrong inside of my body. As of a couple of days ago the answer is unequivocally yes.

I started to feel a little rocky Monday afternoon. No big deal just a little twinge that was slightly uncomfortable. It was an intermittent pain just under my belly button. I wasn't really alarmed and I figured that I hadn't eaten so after dinner everything would be just fine. Along with the fact that Fibromyalgia can really throw your body into fits of mysterious pains and problems I figured that I really had no cause for alarm.

As the day wore on I thought I might be getting the flu. The intermittent pain was becoming more noticeable and stronger. I felt a little warm to the touch. My sweetie asked if I wanted dinner and I didn't think it would be a good idea. Nothing sounded appetizing and I just wanted to get in bed.

All of a sudden I was hit by pain that was in no way the flu. I tried resting and it got worse. Then the pain started radiating down to my lower right side. That did it.  I went to the hospital. I hate to wait and I'm not good at it; however, after cardiac problems, stroke or something major, appendicitis should be right after that. I mean, how do you know if it will burst while you're waiting to be seen for THREE HOURS. I just don't do well with that at all. I actually told the woman checking me in that I understood how people die here. Then I waited another couple of hours for the CAT scan. Then I was left to wait in the critical care unit until 7:30 in the morning. Finally I got a room and covered up and waited for my kids.

I knew that my daughter would be upset. I kept sending her texts because I thought if she heard her phone she'd freak. Finally when they came in and said it was acute appendicitis and I'd be heading for surgery I called her. This was at 3 in the morning so I didn't think she'd answer. Part of me hoped she would and the other part was glad she didn't. I left her a message that started out with , "it's okay, don't worry but." I had no clue how much it affected her until I heard her voice when she called in the morning. When I heard that defenseless little voice; the voice that reminded me of her at 2 crying for me, the voice that she had when she was scared or hurt and I was the only one she turned to. When I heard the voice that  said "mommy, where are you?" I lost it. It took me back so many years but then I realized how the tables had turned. I was there with her for all the hospitalizations and illness issues but she's never seen me in that position.  I was so glad she was here and not in Florida.

I had no idea how much an appendectomy can hurt. My stomach area is swollen and sore. I'm just glad it's over. They kept me in for 24 hours and now I'm home. I'm glad to be in my own bed and I'm doing what we used to call the OB shuffle. If you've had kids you probably know what this is. A couple of days and I'll be back to good or bad as new.........whatever the case may be.

What did I like about the hospital?

The morphine was outstanding.........