FROG SOUP

Dealing with a narcissist is like living in a wasteland.

A barren, lifeless, emotional wasteland.

Except the wasteland is what is left of you.

I had a note on my blog about my posts on narcissists. It's amazing to me how many of them are out there. It's definitely not a generational thing because there are very young women and older women who have been affected by these malignant life forms. 

I can't necessarily call them people because they are devoid of the emotions that we possess. The very characteristic of selfishness that we spend our lives struggling against and feeling guilty over is something they don't struggle with at all. They gave up and gave in to their selfishness. They no longer struggle against their baser qualities. They have a need for control over others but no control over themselves. They gave up, opened their arms and embraced their inner selfish, little child. They are actually proud that they can maneuver people and flout the rules to get their own way. They live in a fantasy world that they've created because reality simply does not apply to them. In other words, they're an empty shell.  For some reason, we gravitate toward them. I've spent a lot of years trying to figure out why it was so easy to infiltrate and remove my beliefs and replace them with something quite foreign. Why? Because they can. They are highly skilled in the art of manipulation and, in my case, gave me fair warning that he used it in every facet of his life. 


Why on earth did I find that so intriguing and attractive?


Frog Soup.


I love disaster movies and Dante's Peak is one of my favorites. There is a segment in the hospital and Pierce Brosnan is trying to get his team on board that something disastrous is looming. He then tells the story of Frog Soup.  If you put a frog in boiling water it will jump out. If you put a frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat it will stay in the water until it boils to death.


This is what happens to us. If we got the full force of their nature we'd run for the hills. What happens is we are lured in, bit by bit. By the time we see the man underneath the mask we are too involved to let go. We start doubting our own sanity and reason.


Yep.


Frog Soup.


Run.

CONTROL

It's a catatonic state of being.

 You're sure that the earth is going to open up and swallow you and you wish it would. 

Your eyes glaze over and become as vacant as your soul. The cold and numb surrounds you and penetrates deep into your bones. It can't be happening to you, can it? 

Yes, it can.

As I read about friends who are getting hit hard from these toxic and destructive relationships I start to think again. I think about the bottom line and it's control. The need for absolute control. It's the overpowering need for absolute control. 


They have a sense of reality that is skewed to their needs and their needs only. Then there is the technique called gaslighting. I had never heard of this but it struck me to my core. It's manipulation by psychological means that makes you doubt your own memory and perception. Because you're in adoration mode they have the power to do this. I think this is the part of the game that they love the best and it works because what you want most from them is their approval. You want so badly to believe what they tell you. Even if you do confront them you almost feel bad about doing so because the explanations that they offer seem to make sense. Notice I said the word "seem." There's just something that's not quite right; you just can't put your finger on it but somewhere deep inside you know it's not right.  This is where the psychological manipulation comes in. 


He lives his own fantasy life and the woman he chooses must totally buy in or else he will tire of you. You are there for only a few purposes and they are: to keep him entertained, to feed him and to lay him. That's it. He'll even tell you he's very easy to get along with as long as you do those things and keep him number one in your life. Don't be on the phone when he comes in the door, have his dinner ready and get ready for bed. Sounds simple, huh? 


If you've gotten away you've truly dodged the bullet. I know that for a very long time you'll miss the man he's created for you but remember what characteristics he holds. All the goodness and light are illusions. Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing because underneath it is dark and the wolf has the power to destroy your soul. Even as I write this I can feel a twinge of sadness for what once was and then I remember what it did to me. The twinge goes away quickly.


I hurt for the women in their paths. You shake your head and wonder what went wrong. You were so perfect for each other. You were on top of the world and now you're in the depths of hell. He did know you like no one else ever did. He paid attention to you like no one else ever did. He made you feel like no one else ever did and the reason for this was that with every conversation, every time you opened up to him, every hurt and every weakness that was divulged went into the data bank. He was casing the joint and he knew every nook and cranny of you and how to use it to his benefit.


After a while you get angry and want him to hurt the way you were hurt. Unfortunately, that's impossible. He doesn't have the depth of emotion or the empathy necessary to feel this way. He will just be on to his next victim. If I can say anything to you it would be to heal yourself because he will never be healed. Never.


What do you get out of it?


Well, hey.........you get him.


Isn't that enough?


It all falls under the category of: "be careful what you wish for, you just may get it."

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?

My dear friend is going through a breakup. Whatever I got he got ten times over in spades.

It had all the tell tale signs. There wasn't anything of substance just a ton of sexual innuendos. Then came all the issues of the bed. It seemed that he was too used to sleeping alone. Wow, did that sound familiar. I got all sorts of grief because I was up late. Then it was the pillows, then the covers or the temperature of the house. He got the same plus more.  

The problem is that these people are users. With some, it's money but with others they use up all your emotion until you're depleted. By the time that happens you're second guessing yourself and them. I think the hardest part was to let go of the person that I thought he was, the person he created just for me as opposed to the real person that was hiding under the mask. I woke up just in time but it took a lot out of me. 


I know there's someone out there right now who's probably enamored with the person he's created. He will have her smiling and feeling on top of the world. She will be absolutely loving the wonderful emails and calls that keep her nerves on edge. It's the high, the buzz that he loves. He's talented and she'd never believe everything that his wife or I could tell her.  I wish I could not think about that but I do. I don't wish for anyone to experience that kind of heartache. It's a heartache that will bring her to her knees. It will do that because she'll never see it coming.

This has happened to my best friend and I hurt for him. He really wanted it to work. He was even willing to take on more than he should have but he did and with an open and true heart. The only silver lining is that it didn't last long enough to do real damage. He'll hurt for quite a while but he'll get over it. At least it didn't take him 14 years to figure it out.

We have gone through so many girlfriends, boyfriends and heartaches together. Usually he was comforting me. 

Now it's my turn to help him.

ONE BAG DOWN A THOUSAND TO GO

Speaking of resolving issues and that huge pile of leaves..........

I need to throw my ex in a bag and be done with it.


He loved Valentine's Day. 

I'm sure this one is no different. It's a day for love. It's a day for sharing. I just didn't expect to share him with anyone else.

So I am going to throw this particular bag of leaves in the garbage.

I know that the next woman will eventually find him on another dating site all the while thinking he is a man of honor, integrity and all hers. His pattern never changes. I think I'd try the single sites. I'm sure he's there. He loved names like Cutie Petutie and the Farkles or the Farklettes. He loves to say suggestive comments in all caps so you feel the urgency. He loves to ask if you can come out and play. The longer everything stays the same, the faster everything changes. 

This is one of those huge life choices that I made and if I could turn back time, I WOULD HAVE NEVER made that choice. I would have kicked him to the curb in a flash and never let him have the power to get under my skin.

I have always hated to fail. That's part of the problem. 

Ok.  Leaves are in and this particular bag is out. 


Whew!

THE ROAD TO NOWHERE

The Road to Nowhere

There's times I still get angry.


Mostly at myself.

I know that pain brings introspection. I mean, you really need to focus on something other than the pain. However that very same introspection; when you really turn that light around on yourself, makes you realize how stupid you really were.


The Narcissist

There are deal breakers in this life and there should be. Why we don't listen to that still, small voice when we first hear it is beyond me. The good thing is that eventually I listened.

It's all about me.

The narcissist destroys what is precious to you.  They actually make it impossible to love them. The problem is that the person on the other end of the relationship hates to fail. She believes she can fix the problem.

Wrong.

It's the sign of everything that is wrong in the relationship. I like to call them red flags.  The warning to stay out of the water. It's a sign of danger and peril. I do like to think that whoever gets involved with them will forever be walking on eggshells because it is, "all about them." 


He cannot reach into the depths of emotion because he lives in the shallow end of the pool.

The only thing I can say is watch them when they start to detach. They always do. They cannot change their habits, they can only cover them up for a little while. Never open up about your feelings hoping that you'll receive something of substance in return.  I'll never forget all the times that I would open my heart hoping beyond hope for the response of my dreams only to hear "you're one of a kind."  

The lines stay the same and the pitch never changes. You are not different than any of the others. When you find the man that states everyone else in his life neglected him and never understood him, question that statement. 


I'll bet there is someone out there that will be willing to enlighten you on the subject.

BALANCING ACT

Ever feel like you were walking on a high wire and you needed to keep your balance so that you didn't fall? That's what life with a narcissist is like.

This didn't start out being a blog about narcissism. This is just a point in my life that needed mentioning. I had so many questions. There was, for me, no closure. Don't misunderstand, there was the final curtain, but there was so many things I needed to figure out and so many things that I wanted to say.  I just never had an opportunity to say them. 


This is my understanding and a platform to say what I could never say. When I opened the door writing about this fiasco it opened up all sorts of feelings. Once I started writing about it I couldn't stop until I got it all out. Recovery took a long time and I'm sure that there are parts of me that will always be cautious for a very long time and, maybe,  that is a good thing. This is something I'd never want to repeat in this lifetime. Fortunately, I caught this before it was too late. The damage was great enough as it was, let alone if it had gone farther.

You can't beat what comes of a normal and healthy relationship. It is loving and good and caring. Trust and honesty is the foundation it's built upon. It is consistent, reliable, dependable and predictable. Most of all, it's honorable. He can temporarily show these traits but not for very long. Quite simply its because these traits are not a part of his character. I've been fortunate to find that out but I know there are women that haven't been as lucky. It didn't start out this way. I never thought I would have been involved with this man. I cannot and will not make excuses for my behavior. I should have run the other way. I should have slapped his face instead of feeling like I was in a Grace Kelly movie when he pulled over on the side of the road and kissed me. Yes, that really happened. He later told me that he liked doing that because "it was immediate, deliberate and he knew how many were in the box." That should have given me a clue right there. 


Premeditated and calculating. 


What was I thinking? 


My self esteem was beaten, battered and bloody. I guess I was perfect in that respect. I needed someone to tell me that I was beautiful and what I needed more was to be needed.

I got that in spades.

In me he got the absolute adoration that he craved. I believed it all and I believed I was different.  I believed that he was a poor soul drowning in a sea of neglect. I became addicted to the person that I thought he was; the person that he had created just for me. Smoke and mirrors and sadly, an illusion.

When I would say something about God he'd say, "don't call me by my first name." I would laugh at that but looking back, he was deadly serious. He loved to tell me how he had created me,  the person that I had become. He really thought that he was responsible for me being me. Creation is a fitting occupation for someone that thinks he's God. Isn't that the height of arrogance? He believed he was unique and above everyone else. He wanted absolute control as well. Thus began my entrance into the world of the narcissist.

I bought into it and paid dearly.

Most people think of narcissists as the "pretty boys."  I'm sure this can be the case but it goes beyond physical appearance. This man didn't fall under this category AT ALL. He became better looking the more we spoke and the phone was his greatest asset. He becomes your knight in shining armor. He becomes the only man who gets you. He becomes entwined in the very fabric of your being. Why, you ask? Because he can and that is what gets him off.

He becomes enamored with the romance phase of any relationship. He LOVES the chase. He will pursue, pursue and pursue until you look at him with adoring eyes. He's like a little boy jumping up and down in anticipation of a Christmas present. He's on his best behavior but like that little boy, he becomes bored easily. Fantasy relationships do not figure out who makes dinner, or look like crap when you've been sick. When it becomes real he starts getting itchy feet.

If you do try to leave he will come after you. I remember a time when I had really had enough. I felt strong and then cried my eyes out for weeks only to get a call at the precise moment that I was gluing back the shattered pieces of my emotional well being.  I realized that if you try to start a new life he will begin anew. After a while you'll be doubting your own sanity. Every once in a while he'll drop the mask and you'll catch it. You'll catch a glimpse of the man behind the mask. You'll shake your head in disbelief and wonder, "what the hell just happened?" This will stay with you but you'll think you're crazy for ever thinking something is wrong. 


It's too good to leave and it's too bad to stay.

He flies under the radar just enough for you to miss the signs.

His words ensnare you. He watches you with an intensity that is both staggering and thrilling. No one has ever paid the attention to you that he does. What you don't know is that he's casing the joint. He will know what you do and why you do it. Why has no one spoiled you and paid attention like he does? This attribute does not go both ways however. He doesn't like it when you know too much about him or his activities. You can tell him how you're feeling and he stares off into space. He has a gift for getting people to talk and divulge their secrets and you think it's a two way conversation but looking back; you're the only one who's really doing the talking. He's like a sponge absorbing it all in.  He has nothing inside of value to give. It's all show and no substance. Everything is designed so that people look up to him because he needs to be elevated above mere mortals.

He didn't like anything that could usurp his absolute position as God in your life. He doesn't like it when your children need you, your dogs need you, your friends need you, your work needs you or your health needs you.  If you need reassurance he'll tell you something vague like, "I'll always be here for you."  There is nothing in there of true and sincere nurturing. Well, let me rephrase that........it will be there for a moment........but if it goes on too long....get over it.

He became furious that I couldn't stop questioning his answers. He made some lame excuse and told me I was imagining things. Remember: deny, deny, deny. When I would press for answers he would ask how long I was going to bring it up. He had denied the allegation so that was the end of it. It was in the past. There seems to be a theme here. He can reach into the past and bring up with astonishing clarity quips and quotes that you gave him and slap you in the face with it but if you ask questions........well, that's not allowed.

What really sunk this was when I challenged him. He would become the martyr and he'd say that  it was always his fault. I will say, he's got the pitch down well. I was always Miss Perfect. He threw it all back at me. I'd walk away thinking about why he did this. Why? Because he can. He is NEVER wrong. Oh, he'll make mock apologies but he'll never say "I'm sorry." He will just say he doesn't feel real good about himself. What? He really believes that he's right. He can justify any behavior by throwing it all back at you. You fell asleep at the wheel and made him a lesser priority than your job, your health, your kids etc. It's always reactive. You made him behave the way he does.

Any kind of emotion that makes him uncomfortable or is unplanned gets categorized as drama. I was always a drama queen. If he couldn't measure my reaction or get the one he planned on, it was my character flaw. It seems I was incapable of handling him without drama and all he wanted was peace in his life. Never mind that he could be horribly rude and a bully but he wanted peace. He was absolutely clueless that his behavior caused all the upset. It's just not the infidelity and the lies he creates that's so disturbing. It's the justification and rationale that goes along with it. 

You made him do it. He will never change because to him there is no problem.

The problem is YOU.

Think of an onion.

It is flavorful.

It tastes great in food. 


The more you peel the layers the more you cry.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

He was obsessed with the perfect relationship.

He needed adoration.

He is a skilled and accomplished chameleon.

I don't know why I still need answers. There aren't any. The fights were always my fault so that he could cover his guilt. He has this obsession with fantasy so one woman will never be enough. We are imperfect people and so there will come a day when reality begins to seep into the relationship and that will be enough for the secrecy to begin.

I'll bet I can write the script.

He'll stay on the phone until he hears the buying signs. He'll wait for your concern. He'll hear when he's hooked you because he's trained for that. The phone is his greatest asset. If he tells you he used to write the scripts for telephone sales, believe it and listen. He is telling you how he's going to hook you. He'll use cute phrases like, "I'm going to the couch now," or "you've been with the rest and now you're with the best." He'll call you sweetheart and act like the concerned gentleman. He'll encourage sassy repartee and then call you a smart ass.

When you open up and tell him how you feel or how much you enjoy talking to him he'll respond with "ditto."  One little powerful word isn't it?

Make no mistake; he's looking for a stooge wrapped up in a smart woman's body.

His insatiable appetite; first for your body then for your soul.

Just remember. When you start getting real he'll start getting bored. He needs the constant buzz to validate his masculinity.

He needs the emotional high that every conquest brings. Whatever it takes to close the deal he will do. He doesn't have any restraints or boundaries concerning his relentless pursuits of the buzz. He will forever cheat on his spouse or girlfriend (or both as the case may be) justifying his actions because they didn't keep him entertained. He has no regard or care of the damage he causes in his quest for gratification.

He loves a challenge and will tell you that he brings the thrill to the party. Oh, by the way, he loves that phrase too. He'll tell you he brings a lot to the party.

Oh yeah.

Get the party hats out now.

He'll tell you that you have a beautiful smile and he'll tell you sweet dreams. He will tell you he doesn't trust very easily but that he trusts you and that you can trust him without question. He'll call you his cutie petutie. He'll tell you that he's been thinking about you. 


He will ply you with words until you're jelly.

He will convince you that the previous women in his life mistreated him and took him for granted. With those words he'll have you eating out of his hand. He'll tell you that you'll never know what he'll do next. He'll dedicate songs to you (probably something with Michael Jackson or Maureen McGovern) and you'll think he's the most romantic man in the world.

When you finally open up and tell him how you feel he will tell you that those are the most beautiful words that anyone has ever said to him. Very gradually you'll see sexual innuendo creep into the conversation and then it will get stronger. He'll tell you, "you have no idea of what I want to do to you." That will be the whipped cream (and yes, that will be mentioned as well) on top. You will be too besotted with the image that he's built for you that you don't see the real man. 


Oh, you will see glimpses of it but you won't believe it.

You'll open your heart and spill the triumphs and sorrows that this life gives all of us. You'll share your heartaches and your hurts. If he slips up he'll modify his approach so that you'll buy into the image even more and he can congratulate himself on how good he is at the game. It's called getting you to ask how many are in the box. It's an old boiler room game and it's structuring the conversation so you'll ask and then buy.

He is so charming. You'll constantly second guess yourself thinking that you must be crazy when the numbers don't start to add up. Even when you confront him he'll deny, deny, deny. I'll give him this.....he's good at it.

Just remember this:

He'll ALWAYS have a Plan B.

WHY THIS TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE?

What is this trip down memory lane? I must have some unresolved issues in this arena. Gee,  ya think??

What are these people the base their relationships on deflections and half truths and downright lies? It takes so much to conduct your life this way. It's almost like you need notes. To put together a plausible story and then build more stories and more lies on top of the original story really takes a lot of effort. On one front, I guess I have to admire it. You really have to be pretty good to concoct this mess. On the other front, it's just plain wrong, insulting, hurtful and cruel. They really must want to feel better about themselves. It must be that the signature line, "I don't feel real good about myself," is true.

I used to always have two dogs. One dog was my primary dog and the other (usually a younger dog) was the emergency back up dog. See the correlation here??

He's an empty shell of a man that has a void that no amount of affairs can fill. There's so much damage and emotional debris from hurting the people that love them. Instead we are the problem. We are the reason that it started in the first place. There's a need for control. I remember one of the first lines was "you want to control the relationship and I won't let you." I thought it was going to be a battle of egos but he was deadly serious. I think I was the challenge and he wanted to see how fast he could make me hand over the control. Maybe that's why it lasted so long; he could never get control.

The bottom line is that there were red flags from the beginning. I'm not talking about a tiny flag, I'm talking banners. I used to get so mad at myself. Why in the hell did I put up with this? This is definitely NOT who I am. What happened to the woman who said, "you're standing in my sun?" Where did that attitude get buried?

You keep thinking that things may change, but your body knows things that your head and heart haven't quite accepted. You think all of this is a slow death but it isn't. Death happens in an instant. It's the burial that takes a very long time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it was never a relationship that started in the right way it was never good. You can fix what is broken but you can't fix what was never supposed to work in the first place.

No one on this earth will have your wish list of qualities. There is personality and then there is character. It's easy to confuse the two. You know that life isn't a fairy tale but it isn't too much to expect certain characteristics. I think I've got it kind of figured out. If there's one major flag, you can wait, be cautious and see what develops. If there are two or three red flags, take your little-miss-fix-it personality and run like hell because more flags will come to light. You will end up standing there wondering what went wrong. A red flag at the beach is a warning to stay out of the water. It's a warning to be very cautious because real danger is present. In relationships the red flags are deal breakers; the characteristics and character flaws that will make your life miserable. You will live through the relationship in emotional pain and agony. You wouldn't jump off a bridge would you? Take care of your heart with the same vigilance as you do your life.

With this kind of relationship it doesn't matter how nice you are or how fit your body or how beautiful your face; you are going to drown. Take it from me. I've been through the wipe out. I've been hit by the wave and thrown down to the ocean floor. I got beaten and bruised by the sand and the rock. Wave after wave hit me until I decided to get out of the water.

Next time I'll listen to the warnings.

I WAS ROBBED

I just didn't know how bad.

At least when material possessions are taken you know that you've been robbed. You take the appropriate steps, call the police and then call your insurance company. You'll probably leave the light on at night because it's scary. You feel violated. You feel angry. You know you've been robbed.

The problem in this kind of relationship is that you don't know you've been robbed until you're totally emotionally depleted. Sometimes you don't even realize it then. They have stolen pieces of your emotional makeup and well being a little at a time. You don't even know how they did it let alone when.

Slowly you begin to wake up. A domino trips and the fog begins to clear. The only problem is that you continue to second guess yourself and keep looking back over your shoulder. You must be wrong. How can this be? A loving person is buried in there; you know it. You've seen glimpses of it. Maybe I wasn't mindful enough of his needs. I just need to think about myself less and work on the relationship more. You tell yourself this over and over and pray that you're right. Didn't he tell you that you were the only one that really knew him? Didn't he tell you that he knew you like the back of his hand? Part of it was true. I did know the part he let me see. I didn't like the part that came later.

You know deep inside you're not happy. I think it's the challenge or an inability to accept failure that keeps us going in this relationship. Why do you even begin to accept this kind of behavior? What makes you go back to them? I think that it's because it's not physical abuse. If you just hang in there long enough you'll get your Prince Charming. You pass by men that really love you and integrity is above reproach for this?

Was it me? Did the chronic fatigue make me uninteresting and too absorbed in my health? I had a devastating relapse and all I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. What's amazing is that I believed that. Why couldn't I hear my own thoughts and how ridiculous they sounded. I didn't want anyone around who could have pounded some sense into that thick skull of mine.

For the longest time I blamed myself. I no longer do that but recovery from a narcissist isn't easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy. You find out that you have a right to be whole.

Just put it back together one piece at a time. I needed to think about myself before I got involved in this mess. When was I whole and what was I like back then? I know one thing, I smiled with my heart.

I felt so responsible for so long and I don't feel responsible any more.

THE QUINTESSENTIAL NARCISSIST

How is it possible to lie while telling the truth? Manipulators do it all the time, it seems. They lie by reciting a litany of truths with such conviction that you begin to think you're crazy for doubting them. The problem is that the lies come in by what they're not telling you. It's the lie by omission and that's why they are so convincing.

It must be the quest for power. I used to call it "the game" and I have met the master. He gets off on the manipulation. It's like playing chess and he spends great time and care placing the pawns on the board. He lives to see what he can get away with. It's the high of possession; of the absolute knowledge that he has the ultimate power, and power is his drug of choice.

He will try to tell you that it's you. You always turn things around and blame him and it's always his fault. He will say, "It's always me, you can't do anything wrong, you're perfect." He will throw that back at you and now you're the bad guy for having the audacity to stand up to him. He wants to rob you of your right to defend yourself and he will do that by becoming the victim. 


The problem is that you think he's cold and has no feelings. 


Oh, but he does and they run real deep. It's just not for you or your feelings. 


The only feelings he cares about are his own. It's his wants and needs and desires that need to be satisfied. If they're not then there's no one to blame but you for not servicing his needs. Thus, he feels justified and has every right to move on in his clandestine endeavors. He absolutely refuses to acknowledge my feelings but constantly demands that I respect his feelings. It's like walking on eggshells. You have to submit and kowtow to his demands and if you don't he reserves the right to destroy your feelings and self respect until he's spent and feels better about himself once again. He has no clue of how to apologize. Apologies would mean he'd have to admit what he's intentionally done. All he can say is, "I don't feel real good about myself."

He is the master at wearing masks. He preys on the weak. Not weak of heart but the weak in self esteem. He needs the woman who has just been through a divorce or is unhappy in her marriage. He needs a woman who needs him. That gives him the food he needs to thrive. He comes alive when he smells blood in the water. He uses the phone and the written word to make you feel alive. He zeroes in on your weakness and bolsters it and he massages it. He tells you he's one of a kind. He is so subtle and you don't even realize what he's doing and before too long you're hooked. He's fed you the lines and you bought them hook, line and sinker. 


Once you buy he'll tell you that he wasn't looking for it and that he never made the first move: you did. He's right. He set it up masterfully so that you would make the move and let him off the hook. He's a predator. He's a chameleon that will adapt to what you need and you can quickly fall under his control and never even know you were a pawn. 


How can this be? 


He's so charming and has many admirers. He has people that know him and his persona is solid. He absorbs the goodness and virtue of those around him for himself but underneath it all it's dark and cold. Just try and catch him or confront him and you will see his true nature come out. If you fail to give him what he needs he will just move on to someone else. There always needs to be a backup so he can bask in his own glory.

Should you believe that he loves you, beware. He doesn't love you. He needs you. He needs a covering so he can continue his incessant manipulations. He needs adoration. He has no concern or care about the hurt he causes or the tears you cry. When you cry he will back up just enough to keep you and help you dry your tears, all the while congratulating himself on how good he is at his game. You go back to the blissful illusion that he is the man he's let you see. He is the master of illusion.

He will never have mastery over his urges. He gave up, a long time ago, the struggle to control his demands, selfishness, control of others, lusts and his entitlement. He's fully embraced it and justified it. He's openly boastful and proud of how he always gets his own way. He will never let anyone get in the way of what he wants and when you do you become the liability. 


There's a deep smoldering anger that he tries very hard to control but every now and then it comes out.


He will slip up and let you see the man under the mask.