IT'S 2016 ALREADY?

This year has gone by so fast.

I've turned around and it's gone.

But hey.

I can't believe how fast life has gone.

I look back at all the resolutions I've tried to keep. The operative word is "tried." Looking back at it, I don't think I even tried to keep them. I know it sounds good but it just doesn't happen. I think I had it right when I said, "I'm the idea man. Follow up isn't my strong suit."

So what do I do?

I'm going to list the "resolutions" that I think everyone should adopt. 

If you can't tell the last sentence was dripping with sarcasm.

A few years ago I wrote that I resolved to be more accepting of me. I knew that I'd have bad days and good days but this is a chronic illness that has no cure. Ok....I get that. Time took care of part of that. Accepting of me? Has or will that ever happen? Probably not. I'm not very accepting when the voodoo pain hits. I'm not real accepting when the pain drags out for days on end. I'm not real accepting when I see commercials for the lousy drugs that haven't done much for fibromyalgia pain but have side effects like weight gain. For me, that is a side effect that negates any benefit whatsoever. So am I accepting? Not when I look in a mirror....yeah, I really do miss my neck.

I know....that's not a fibro thing. That's an age thing.

Golden years my fanny.........

The one that really makes me laugh is the resolution that I would check my attitude at the door when the pain gets overwhelming. Oh yeah.....that WILL NEVER happen. What was I thinking??? Attitude in the toilet is the only outlet I have when the pain doesn't stop. If I didn't have sarcasm I wouldn't know what to do! Has anyone EVER been sweet and nice when pain is stabbing at your body like the little voodoo doll it's named after? Me either.

Then I always resolve to be kinder to my body. You know...if you push you will pay. Well, I always push because I never know what the day will bring. If I didn't push I wouldn't do anything. So I guess I will have to learn to pay.

The one thing I can do is remember that it could be a whole lot worse. I know that doesn't mean much to people who feel like they're at the end of their rope. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're really deep in that tunnel. I am not trying to minimize what chronic pain can do. It can bring a truly strong spirit down to their knees. What I'm trying to say is to hold on with both hands and know that it will get better. Pain does change you but we need to stay strong and fight those changes.

What I've realized is that I never really appreciated all the good days before Fibromyalgia became a constant in my life. Maybe that's why I push on my good days. I do appreciate them and since they are few and far between I tend to make the most of them. It's interesting that people think we have a low tolerance for pain. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I can tolerate pain and I tolerate it on a daily basis. The levels make all the difference but the pain is never truly gone. Most of the people I've talked to feel the same way. We're not wimps. So it comes down to the difference between pain tolerance and pain thresholds. I have a very low pain threshold but my tolerance is very high. Pain tolerance is about the levels of pain that a person can take before breaking down physically or emotionally. Pain threshold is the point that the stimulus is perceived as pain. 

So, am I making resolutions this year?

No.

I never keep them anyway. 

It's too bad I can't write Dear Abby.

Then there would be more advice....

I could ignore.

I wish for a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year...

for you all.

Happy 2016!

Rosemary

2015? REALLY?

Wow!

The days turn into weeks.

Turn into months.

Turn into years.

I must be getting old because time is moving much faster than I'd like. I can't believe another year has gone by. It seems like yesterday that I was reading about the calamities of Y2K and seeing the horror of 9-11. 

Where has it gone?

On the other hand, it seems like I've been in pain forever. I know that I was a person that didn't pay attention to symptoms and aches. I just don't remember that person; she's become a blur. I've always mourned that girl but as time goes on the reminder of her is diminished and the pain girl has taken her place. 

Why is that?

Is it because I've finally gone through those dreaded stages of grief and come to the acceptance phase? That doesn't sound good to me for some unknown reason. I've always been one that fought against the status quo. Is that the reason? Am I no longer fighting? That disturbs me.

So what have I written in years past? 

"First, I resolve to be a little more accepting of me. I know, I make this resolution every year but I think I need to be reminded of this every year.  OK, so I have limitations and pain kind of reminds me on a daily basis that it's there but......... 

Next, I need to be a little kinder to my body. I know that if I push I will pay but I still do it. I want to get things DONE! It's that pesky old Type A personality that has plagued me since birth that keeps coming out but..........

Also, I need to be patient and not make myself crazy because I'm frustrated. I need to stop and think "this too shall pass." No, I'm not going to get my wonderful memory back. It falls under the category of "oh well". 

What does this tell me?

It tells me that I don't listen to myself.

I shouldn't make resolutions.

And some things just don't change.

What would I tell you?

I would tell you to have a happy new year.

Let's hope for a year of peace.

Let's all be a little kinder to each other.

(ok, I stole that from Ellen)

Here's to 2015!

THE HIGH HOPES OF 2014 PARADIGM

Death,

Destruction,

Chaos.

That's just the tip of the iceberg

Well, it's been one heck of a year and, personally, I am glad to see it go. Life always has its challenges and mine is no different than yours. It's when you live with chronic pain and fatigue that it gets a little tricky. Even in the best of times resolutions are a little tough for me. I start out very enthusiastic and then I seem to forget that I had any. I guess goal setting isn't my strong suit. 

I know I'm not big on follow-up, I'm more of the idea man.

But I think this will work.

Here we go.....

First, I resolve to be a little more accepting of me. I know, I make this resolution every year but I think I need to be reminded of this every year.  OK, so I have limitations and pain kind of reminds me on a daily basis that it's there but.........

Next, I need to be a little kinder to my body. I know that if I push I will pay but I still do it. I want to get things DONE! It's that pesky old Type A personality that has plagued me since birth that keeps coming out but..........

Also, I need to be patient and not make myself crazy because I'm frustrated. I need to stop and think "this too shall pass." No, I'm not going to get my wonderful memory back. It falls under the category of "oh well". I'm going to forget words because this is the nature of the fog.......but..........

I need to stay focused on joy. 

I'm not going to go into some sort of nirvana. That just isn't me. I'm not the type of personality that wouldn't recognize stress if it jumped up and bit them. The idea of acceptance of this thing we call Fibromyalgia, to me, means that I climb in bed and pull the covers over my head and then, that's it, life is over. That I can't do and I won't do.

What I mean is that in the worst of times we need to stay thankful and grateful. We need to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. As tough as it is at times; as overwhelming as the pain can get, as tired as we are, as easy as it seems just to give up, we can't. 

I've seen some pretty dark stuff this year. I've seen what happens when the human spirit doesn't have the will to take it any longer. It tends to put things into perspective. I will never minimize what chronic pain can do and I don't want anyone to think that is what I'm doing. Pain is one tough cookie to deal with on a daily basis and it definitely changes you. As bad as it can get and as rough as it is, I'm saying we need to get through it.

As I've always said,

Fibromyalgia isn't for sissies.

My mantra for this year?

IT COULD BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE.

Because it can.

To all my friends, family and followers.....

I wish for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2014.

God Bless every one of you.

Be kind to each other and, most of all....

Be kind to yourself.

Happy New Year!

Rosemary

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Resolutions?

I don't do those well.

Resolutions have not been on the top of my list of completed items at the end of the year. Most of them have been thrown out the window before the first month of the year has passed. 

I think that a resolution, at least in my case, starts out with the best of intentions. I don't think I'm necessarily to blame. I think I choose the wrong resolutions.

So let's try for this year. 

I resolve: that I will be more accepting of me. I have an illness that has no cure. I will have bad days and good days and some fair days and, yes, I will have good days. I need to understand that there is absolutely nothing that I can do about that fact. What I can do is manage this to the best of my ability.

I resolve: that I will be a little kinder to me. When I have some of "those" days I will try not to beat myself up. I will not hate the fact, and myself, that I have limitations. 

I resolve: that I will try to check the attitude at the door when the pain feels overwhelming. I know this will be the toughest to achieve because it does tend to get the better of me. I know that if I just try to make my attitude a little better it might help get me through those tough days.

I resolve: to be a little more patient with myself. When I get frustrated from the fibro fog and my memory gets fuzzy I will remember that "this too shall pass." I will try to stop getting irritated. I will also quit bemoaning the fact that my fabulous memory is a thing of the past.

I resolve: to try to find the joy in my life. This is just a blip on the screen and it could be a lot worse. A whole lot worse. I am definitely not minimizing what we go through on a daily basis, but even on our worst days we need to find the strength to believe that life could be a lot worse.

So for the coming year........

For all my family, friends and followers.........

I wish you all the love, laughter, wonder, health, happiness and God's blessings.

Every minute,

Of every day........

Happy New Year.

BEHIND BROWN EYES

It's 2012.

How am I looking at the world?

Through the eyes of 2008.

I thought about making resolutions. I really did, however, I never really keep them. I can come up with all sorts of improvements that I can make to my life and I think that's a good thing to do, however,  I've realized that I'm more of the idea man.

The follow-up,on the other hand, isn't my strong suit.

I usually end up forgetting my resolve so this year I came up with an idea that I know will work. It's simple, easy and doesn't take a whole lot of effort.

I'm not making any resolutions.

This year I finally got "me." If I say I'm going to lose weight or eat healthier, I know those ideas will go by the wayside within the first couple of weeks. I am not good at setting arbitrary goals. I need to make them more broad based. I looked in the mirror and decided I wanted to look better in my clothes. If I'd made a goal to lose some weight I would have failed. It's like quitting smoking. When I was 50 I'd promised my daughter that I would quit smoking. If I'd told myself that I could never have another cigarette I'd never have quit. I always said that if I wanted one I could: I just chose NOT too.That seems to be my trigger. I just choose not to do something.

That seems to work for me in all areas except one.

I can't choose not to be in pain. I can't choose to forget the fatigue. I wish I could. I can occupy my time but the twins (pain and fatigue) are always with me to some degree. The exercise that is supposed to help control the pain: doesn't. I know what the articles say but I can say with an air of certainty that isn't the case. Well, at least in my case.

So I'm peering out into the world of 2012 with caution. I'll admit that my vision has been slightly askew since 2008. I'm not into acceptance and I don't know if I ever will be. I don't know how to be chronically ill and I don't think that I want to know how to be chronically ill. Passive acceptance has never been my thing. I know that I can't change the fact that I have a chronic illness. I know that I have to manage symptoms and maintain some sort of discipline over my body. I know that I have limitations. 


I know that the mind can do many things. It can heal and it can hurt but a calm acceptance to achieve some sense of nirvana just doesn't work for me. I've let go of the small stuff and I've let go of some of the "big stuff" but letting go of everything of my will to fight wouldn't fit my personality. For me acceptance means rolling over and letting the Fibromyalgia take front and center. It means I've embraced my limitations.

I just can't do that.

I'm still looking out with cautious eyes.

If the Mayans are right.

It won't matter anyway.

I'm just not going to watch 2012 coming up on the movie channel.