Monday, June 29, 2015


40 feet up.
Under the eaves.
In the shade.
And it's still 114.

You would think that after 53 years I would get used to the summers in Las Vegas. Nope. Not at all. As long as I was in the pool I would be ok. Other than that? No way. Stay inside in the air conditioned house or get in the air conditioned car. 

Since the onset of my medical issues a dislike has turned into an intense hatred.
Plus, the heat makes me very irritable.

I don't know whether its the change in temperature that causes a flare or that my thyroid has caused the intolerance for heat but I feel like I'm going to pass out in this extreme heat. We've had excessive heat these last few weeks. I wasn't kidding about the 114 degrees. The official heat is measured at our airport about 40 feet up and under the eave in the shade. Really. In all actuality it will probably be 119 in the lower parts of the valley. This kind of heat is smothering. The temperature in the car can easily get to 140. You don't mess around with those kind of temperatures.

It gets dangerous.
No kidding.

If you can you have to plan any errands in the "cooler" part of the day. That means before 10 in the morning and after 7 at night. Last night at 9 pm it was 105.  Even then I take a cooler with me to the store because a trip to the store can mean frozen food can start to thaw and milk begins to warm up. Sunglasses are a must if you have light sensitivity (which I do). 

And you have to stay hydrated.
Again, no kidding.

So I'm hibernating this week and praying that the heat will break, otherwise, it's going to be a doozy of a summer. The natives of Las Vegas used to joke that the official temperature was lower so the tourists wouldn't be scared away. I know that the temperature on my car registered 120 the other day coming home from Costco. 

So here I am wishing I was in Antarctica.

There is one upside....

Hey, it's a dry heat!

Thank goodness for small miracles!!

Update: The clouds have moved in and the humidity is starting to rise. Great. Just great.

Sunday, June 21, 2015


It has been 41 years.
Some days it seems like yesterday.

No question about it. I was a daddy's girl and proud of it. I still remember the day I found out that he was sick. I remember sitting by the window in Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital nestled in his shoulder crying my eyes out. There was nothing that he could say or do that would make this any better. He had always been able to fix anything for me.

But he couldn't fix this.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. The loss of my dad had such a huge impact on me. I didn't think anything or anyone could take his place in my heart. He pushed me because he knew that I needed to be pushed. He was tough and he was fair. Justice was a big part of his personality and he passed that on to me. He made me focus because he knew that I could sometimes be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what.

He sang "there she is, Miss America" when I walked in the room.

I've tried to pass those kind of memories on to my daughter. There is something special about that kind of relationship and he would have absolutely adored her. I don't have a lot of regrets about life but I do regret that he couldn't have known her. If he spoiled me that is only a small speck compared to what he would have done with her. She would have been the apple of his eye.

So, another Father's Day without him has come and with it a little piece of my heart still breaks. 

But, I am so thankful that I had a father that I could hold dear to my heart. 

I have wonderful memories that are such a part of me and that now make me smile.

Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Miss you?

Doesn't even come close...............

Sunday, June 14, 2015


It's been awhile.
I need more shoes.
More walking in my shoes.

Mornings? Coffee with a diet coke chaser.

Doctors just throw more pills at you that don't work.

I want to get moving again.

I never know from one day to the next what lovely symptom is going to pop up. 

 Of course then there are the words we all love to hear, "I get tired too."

I don't even remember what it was like to wear these all the time. 

Sometimes it just gets depressing.

It costs a lot to have Fibromyalgia.

It feels like you've been hung out to dry.

So when all those symptoms seem to never go away.

I always try to remember that tomorrow will be a better day.



I just can't help it......

I just have to say.........

Friday, June 5, 2015


I always think 
before I speak.
If only I would do that before I act.

I've always been a thinker. I think before I speak; which is a good thing but I don't always think before I act, which is a bad thing. That little oversight has been at the crux of most of my issues. You would think that a thinker wouldn't have that problem. I analyze; over-analyze, over-analyze again and then beat it into the ground, kill it, bury it and then unfortunately, resurrect it and start the process all over again. It would be a plus if I did that before I decided to act. 

Sometimes, it's just plain ole' impulsivity. Sometimes, there is just not enough time. I've always thought that it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Did I say I had problems? This is why.

As I research right brain and left brain function, I see a startling fact. First, meditation does grow the gray matter in your brain. I'm not saying you have to sit cross legged and say ohm but some sort of quiet time focusing on nothing but relaxing your body and getting your brain waves down to something lower than an beta level would be highly beneficial. Second, thinking does affect your body and will go in the direction of your thoughts. Remember, the power of positive thinking?

The beta level is most associated with our normal waking state. Beta helps with analysis, logical thinking and active attentive function. Stress can throw the beta level into overdrive. I am VERY familiar with the beta level in overdrive.

Positive thoughts increase the dopamine in your system. Conversely, negative thinking brings cortisol and other lovely things that are only intended for the flight or fight syndrome into your system. That syndrome is there to keep us alive. It's not there to be used on a continual basis or as a way to live. That impacts your body in a very unhealthy way. I'm very familiar with that also.

Negativity also obscures your thinking and stands between you and your realization. I heard this today and pondered on this for awhile. While I have talked myself into many, many things; having the ability to move beyond my fears isn't one of them. It would be interesting to find out how much I could really do if I didn't talk myself out of things due to fear or my inherently cynical way of thinking.

How do you take a natural cynic and turn that around into a positive force? I haven't figured that one out yet. I've got a litany of quotes regarding human nature:

                         No good deed goes unpunished.

                         Human nature will never fail me.

                         When you see the light at the end of the tunnel 
                         it's probably the train coming at full speed.

                         I expected times like this but I never thought 
                         they'd be so bad, so long or so frequent.

                         It's always darkest before it goes pitch black.

                         In the battle between you and the world, 
                         bet on the world.

See what I mean? The list is endless. How in the heck to you take something ingrained in your very being and turn it into a positive? 

So, lets sum up.

I need to be more positive.

I am positive that I'm a cynic......

or.....a realist.

It's like Vegas in the summer.'s a dry heat!

Saturday, May 30, 2015


I've never been big on the rah-rah stuff.
I'm still not.
I just want to be out standing in my field.

I've always disliked going to motivational speakers. When I was selling homes it never failed; about once a year they'd have some yay-hoo come in to pitch about attitude and then sell the tickets to his "show." I'd be the one in the back with my arms crossed listening to the crap they'd spill and waiting for the subject of money to come up.

It always did.

I do believe that attitude can help or hinder just about everything in your life. It can push us beyond "the can't." I understand that. Having said that, however, I do not believe that attitude can cure Fibromyalgia. I believe it can definitely help with the management but I don't believe it can cure. Wouldn't it be nice if it does? We could sprinkle fairy dust and, voila! Now it seems that we are bombarded by Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue motivational speakers. If we just improve our attitude then our symptoms will go away. 

It makes us sound like we are the masters of our own demise. What I find reprehensible is that they still make reference to depression and how people with Fibromyalgia aren't in touch with their own emotions or how to manage those emotions.

That really pisses me off. 
See how in touch I am with my emotions? 

There are many people with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia that can pinpoint the onset of their symptoms to major physical or emotional trauma or an episode with an illness. It seems that we've been dismissed because it couldn't possibly have started in this way.

HOWEVER........for just 29.95..................

If we change our diet we can be cured! JUST buy the book. There are tons of nutritional supplements out there and if we'd just take them we'd be cured. Everyone has the answer but somewhere they always manage to place the fault of Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia squarely on our shoulders. Somehow we have trouble with our emotions, depression, vitamin deficiencies, marital problems, childhood issues, abuse problems, diet problems and a myriad of other issues that we can't control. 

I think no one in our society is allowed to be tired or sick. It's weak. We're supposed to just suck it up and multi-task our little stressful lives to the fullest. We're supposed to be tough and push through pain and fatigue. It's not too much to ask is it? Life is supposed to be lived and if we can't do that we're a burden and a weak sister. 

That's what we are.


Just cut us from the herd.