Friday, October 29, 2010


A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep.
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through.

It's the last part of the song that means the most to me. 

"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,  the dream that you wish will come true." 

Chronic illness sufferers have something in common; no matter what the nature of their illness, their life experiences, their age, their national origin or the nature of their disability. Whether or not they've progressed on from this one common point, we can point to one moment in time that has touched us all: we have or have had a grieving heart. 

At the moment we find out a diagnosis, the magnitude of what we will forever endure comes tumbling down like a ton of bricks. Most chronic illness encompasses some sort of depression as a by-product of pain. Our grieving hearts find it hard to deal with one more day. Pain drapes our bodies and our cloak of grief is wrapped tightly around us. 

It's the grief of stolen dreams. It's the grief of loss of who we were and it's the grief of who we've become.

There's a magic in believing. 

I've always loved fairy tales. Even though I can be a cynic about some things, I still believe that it will all work out in the end. I believe in happy endings. I may have to dig way down to find it but it's there. Well, some days I have to dig way, way down and even then it's just a tiny spark but even a tiny spark can become a flame. I know that negativity obscures your thinking and stands between you and realization. Negative thinking destroys the spark and sinks us deeper and deeper into depression. 

So in my dreams of overcoming the negative effects of pain, I need to keep on believing and I do believe that one day my wish will come true. In my dreams we will not fear the betrayal of our body. In my dreams we will not let our pain ruin our lives. In my dreams we will not fear the unknown. In my dreams the pain will disappear and we will stand tall and the smile that is on our lips will reach our eyes.

In my dreams there will no longer be a stigma attached to "invisible illness."  In my dreams we will reach for help and no longer fear that help will not be there. In my dreams doctor's will not make us feel helpless and neurotic. In my dreams the right medications will always be there for chronic pain patients. In my dreams the wish of doing even the simple things during the day will not mean days of bed and fatigue. In my dreams we will no longer feel defeated by what chronic illness has taken from us. 

In my dreams we will no longer wake up feeling stiff and sore. In my dreams we will no longer feel frustrated by the fact that we can't do what we had planned for the day. In my dreams we will no longer hate the fact that we have limitations. In my dreams we will not have days where life is lived in a fog. In my dreams we can wake refreshed and ready to face a day that's full of productivity and life. In my dreams we will not fear a cloudy day with a chance of rain. In my dreams we will not have to fight the enemy that is named depression. In my dreams we will not ever have tears that we cry because our body is wracked with pain. In my dreams the muscle spasms that plague our bodies will only be a vague remembrance.

In my dreams we will be able to receive as much as we give. In my dreams we will find the acceptance that we crave. In my dreams we will move beyond the label of chronic illness and leave it behind. In my dreams we will be as strong as we want to be. In my dreams we will be at peace with our body and our mind.

In my dreams there is nothing that is labeled the invisible disease.

In my dreams there is no such thing as chronic pain.

In my dreams..............

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


What am I afraid of?
Sometimes, just myself.
I don't want to face my fears.
I would like to meet and understand them.

Facing my fears sounds like I want to annihilate them. I don't really. One of the hallmarks of my personality is the need for control. I don't like nasty surprises and I will do anything to avoid them. Part of my brain says if I can control my environment I will avoid some of the pitfalls that occur in daily life. I guess it's just part of my Type A squared personality. So continuing on in that vein, I really don't want to give up my need for control. I just want to understand why I do it and then maybe ease up......just a bit. 

Does the control factor really help me avoid the pitfalls?

My other fear is walking into a dark house. I will not turn off all the lights to save the power bill. No fricking way! I have to leave the lights on so that I will not walk into a dark room. Don't ask me what happened. I have no idea. All I know is that if all the lights are out someone else is going in that house first. However, back to control...........

The control factor, or loss thereof, is probably my biggest fear. For example, I've hated to fly for so long because of that very issue of control. I was in a real, real bad flight coming back from San Diego and that pretty much flipped the switch on that one. I didn't want to be 30,000 feet up in a cigar tube and find out the pilot had lost control of the plane. 

I don't like chronic illness because I've lost control of my body and I don't know what symptom or problem is going to strike next. You'd think I wouldn't like to drive because of the car accident but that's not true at all. It's the car accident caused the lack of control with chronic illness.  Weird, how we react to different things. You would think that I'd realize that life itself has no controls but I haven't gotten that through my thick head yet. 

Control issues cause a great deal of stress. I still haven't figured out a balance between my Type A (squared) and a Type B personality. I want to strike a balance in my old age. I just don't know how to find it. It's just this blasted Type A personality. Even at an early age it came out with my records and shoes. It came out with me trying to exercise control over situations and my body. The infamous potato chip fiasco comes to mind. Why my mother EVER let me carry a glass bowl filled with ANYTHING is beyond me. Grace was not my middle name; it still isn't. Anyway, I was carrying this glass bowl and tripped. Potato chips flying, people hysterical, blood everywhere and all I want is "to see me bleed." Everyone else was out of control, but me? Not only no, but hell no. Oh, by the way, I was four.

I think we are born with certain traits and life experiences bring them to the forefront. A loss of control makes me feel imperfect and weak. I hate that! I shouldn't use the word imperfect; maybe, what I'm realizing is that I'm not as strong as I like to think I am. I truly am an imperfect being and imperfect means to fail. It's the bar that I set for myself and it's a bar that can never truly be reached. I can count every single one of my imperfections and I hate that too. All of these little issues makes me realize that I can't count on myself physically and sometimes even count on myself emotionally.

I would like to get to a point where I joy in the imperfections. There can be a beauty in something that is imperfect. We can see it in everything but ourselves. Instead of seeing joy in our uniqueness and imperfections,  we hate every single one of them and wish to exercise control over them. The quest of perfection isn't a destination because whatever we find will ultimately never be good enough. We will never have control over them.

So when I happen to open a closet door and cautiously peek around the corner to meet my fear face to face realize I'm not going in there with great guns. 

I'm more or less going to ask them to tea.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


We are not bound by the flesh.
We are bound by the heart.
We are also bound by pain.

When my daughter was four we moved into a home by a park. My daughter didn't take well to the move. She kept saying that she wanted to go home. I knew the next few days were going to be rough. There was a ring at the door and when I answered it there was a little girl with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. She walked in like she owned the house and from that moment on she and my daughter were inseparable. She was opinionated. She was funny. She was tough on the outside to cover a marshmallow on the inside. She was to become my second daughter.

Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia about a year ago. 

I got a text yesterday apologizing for being a bad friend and talking about how this disease has broken her spirit. It's hard to fight off the depression that is a by-product of chronic pain. There are days that you feel like you just can't fight one more day. Then you wake up in the morning and start all over again. No matter how many times you do this, you still think that you won't be able to fight. 

Boy, do I understand that one.

The last few days have been real rough. The humidity is up and the pain has been off the charts. I've just put the covers over my head and prayed that it goes away. Well, I've taken my pain medication as well. There is no way that I can be without it. Every key that I press, every move I make hurts. The medication doesn't take it away, it just takes the edge off. Even so, the nights in pain and the legs cramping and spasming screws with your head. It not only screws with it; it makes you feel defeated.

Then, I get a letter requesting my presence at a deposition. The car accident that started all of this is winding down. I guess they are finally ready to take my  formal statement. Should I take a pair of 4 inch heels that I wore prior to the accident and that are now collecting dust in my closet? Should I take the bottles of supplements and medications that I now have to take? Or, maybe I should show up before I take my pain medication. That would be real good for the show. 

I'm not fond of attorney's. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm not fond of stupid attorney's. Mine is very sharp and I respect that however, I've been in the company of some real lulu's. If the opposition has a dumb one I will have to try real hard to hold my tongue. I have a lot of anger that surfaces about this accident. My life would be very different right now if this guy had just been watching where he was going and looking at the road ahead of him.  For one, I'd still be working and the financial havoc that this accident has brought would be non-existent. I hope that this deposition will get rid of some of the anger.  I don't know if it will get rid of all of it.  I still have a life that is forever changed. It's a life that is now  filled with pain. So now I not only have my life to worry about, I have my other daughter's life. It's bad enough that I think about the next twenty-five plus years in pain but my little sweetheart has to think about the next fifty. I don't know how I could take that. 

Apparently, she's not doing too well with it either. 

How do you get to the point of acceptance? 

I really struggle with this concept.

And, I'm not doing well with it.

Neither one of us are.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


The cardinal rule of chronic illness is:
If you push you will pay.
Oh yeah, I forgot.

I saved up as much energy as I could. My 40th high school reunion was over the weekend and I really wanted to go. I knew I'd pay for it because you can't go out and expend that kind of emotion without getting some kind of payback. Well, at least I can't.

Paybacks are a bitch and it's been one hell of a week.

The day of the reunion I rested and got ready to go around 4. It gave me a couple of hours to shower and do the reconstruction job on my face. The humidity started to rise and when that happens my body goes haywire and today was no exception.  It took me forever to put on makeup. I didn't want to look like a clown and my hands were just not cooperating.  I could feel the old familiar ache so I started with the pain medication because I didn't want to be crying halfway through the evening. That wouldn't look good AT ALL. I have to say,  that at this point,  I had mixed emotions about going. I wanted to see my old  friends but I was really starting to hurt and I knew it was only going to get worse.  

I got to the hotel and sat at a table with some dear friends that I'd known for years. It's amazing how you can pick up right where you left off and feel like you haven't skipped a beat. The friends I grew up with are pretty amazing and I really miss them. Funnily enough, one woman's sister has Fibromyalgia and a pretty severe case of it. I offered to talk with her and I only hope that I can help her realize that she's not alone with this disease.  Anyway, I got up and went to the bar to get a diet coke and passed a group of women talking with a guy. I turned and looked and recognized my daughter's (almost) dad.  What I mean is the man I ran into was such a part of my daughter's life. His children and my daughter grew up together. After my husband and I got divorced we grew apart. It has been literally 20 years since I've seen him and it was wonderful! We saw each other at the same time and I don't think the smiles could have gotten much bigger! We talked, got caught up on the latest and promised each other that it wouldn't happen again. I even got my daughter on the phone so she could speak with him. She absolutely considered him her second dad!  It made my night!

Then I kept looking for one of my dearest friends and couldn't find him. We have kept in touch and it's one of those kind of relationships that time doesn't affect. It doesn't matter if I see him once every ten years. It doesn't matter if I don't see him again. We are true friends of the heart. I kept looking around for him and then I got the news. It turns out he ended up in the intensive care unit. He came in for the reunion and ended up in the hospital. I went up to the hospital and his wife told me what had happened. He had a ton of inconclusive tests (i.e. expensive) and they came to the conclusion that it must have been his medication. Thank goodness he'll be alright.

So Sunday came and I was thoroughly trashed. I stayed in bed because I literally couldn't move. Every bone in my body ached. I got up to feed H and realized that I had no dog food. Crap. The last thing I wanted to do was get dressed and go out but I had to get food. So, I got dressed and went to Petsmart. While I was there I talked to the veterinarian and mentioned that H had a little cyst on his backside and asked what I should put on it? They said they had an opening and would be able to take a look at him so I ran home to pick up H.

That's when all hell broke loose.

When I walked in the door there was blood everywhere. I looked at H and it was coming from him. I gathered him up in a towel and ran back to the vet. That's when I got the news that he might have to be put to sleep. Now I'm not the type to be selfish and make the baby suffer so I can be with him but, for the life of me, I couldn't make the decision to put him down. The vet gave me medication for him and gave him some shots and sent me home. He said, "considering his age we don't want to get too aggressive but if it doesn't change in a week you will want to decide about euthanasia."

I lost it.

My little H. I just love this little guy. I have spent the last couple of days hand feeding him when he couldn't eat. I've washed his backside and applied the ointment and powder. I've prayed with every pill that the swelling would go down and he'd be okay. I just wasn't ready to let him go.

My prayers were answered.

This little baby is alert and the swelling is going down. He is starting to look almost normal. He's eating, drinking and walking so much better. This is such a relief. He's afraid of thunder and this morning he was at my bedside. I put him in bed with me and we snuggled under the covers. This was the best gift I could get. It was a major thunderstorm and I hurt like you-know-what but just knowing H was getting better helped me get through the pain of the morning.

I don't know that he's out of the woods yet. I know there must be something going on with him but he's happy and not in pain. I'll see what the vet says on Sunday. All I can say is that I have hope. It's been wonderful today watching him act like he used to.


I'm totally trashed. The humidity is 58% and that is enough to put me in crying mode. The pain medication is on double duty tonight. Between the humidity, the rain and the fact that my emotions were running high, this week has been a doozy.  I mean, how much emotion can one body take?

According to my body, not much.

The cardinal rule works.
I have pushed and I have paid. I have been pushed and pulled through joy, pain, fear and agony. 

Push me -  pull you.

I'm going to the couch now.

Monday, October 18, 2010


We need more of it.
There's never enough.

I'll tell you that having pets is wonderful, fulfilling and even therapeutic. Anyone can tell you that my home is run for the convenience of my dog. 

My dogs name is H. 

H is a world traveller. He reads the Wall Street Journal and invests in stocks and bonds. He was the finance minister in Abu Dhabi, he invests in Sonic Cards and he's owned restaurants with his old bud Squirt. His recent adventure was with the miner's in Chile. He rode down in the Phoenix capsule and he loved his little miners hat. He was especially happy to meet El Presidente.

All of my dogs have alter egos. H is especially easy because he's just a happy guy. I just adore this little dog.

I had to take him to the vet because he was bleeding from his backside. The vet told me that he has tumors and the outlook isn't good. He is going to give me a week to see if the swelling will go down. If it doesn't he advised me to make a difficult decision. H is getting up there in years and I've known that time is getting short but it doesn't make it any easier.

Not good.

It's never easy to make this kind of a decision. They don't ask a whole lot. They just want to be loved. They give you everything that they have and ask for so little in return. I won't let him suffer but I'll tell you, this is going to be tough.

I just want more of it for my little guy.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


It doesn't matter where.
It doesn't matter how.
It doesn't even matter when.
The beast is just always there.
The beast is chronic pain.

You would think that I would be able to sit and enjoy myself for even a couple of hours. That wouldn't be too much to ask, would it? 

Of course it would.

I've been looking forward to seeing people I haven't seen in the longest time. Friends that were a big part of my life and others that made an impression on me; whether they knew it or not. It's wonderful to see how they're doing and what's gone on in their lives.

Then they ask me.

I absolutely hate divulging Fibromyalgia and what it's done. What was the prime of my career life was cut horribly short and I hate saying that I now do nothing. If I told people how much I stay in bed they'd probably cringe. Plus, I hate feeling sorry for myself and that happens every time I talk about this crappy illness. I don't know how to tell the story in a way that's pleasing to my ears.

The other thing I hate is that I had to take the pain medication to even get out the door. Then I walked around and spoke with friends and I found that physically taxing. So, I went back to the table and sat down. I was exhausted and I hadn't even started yet. 

This beast is a part of my life. I wake up with him and end my day with him. He goes with me everywhere. He keeps me from doing things that would make my day productive. He loves to stop me either with pain or fatigue. He'll play games with me and he loves to make me stop and rub my hands; that's when he knows that he's got me. He loves to let me believe I've got myself under control and he loves to pull the rug out from under me. He loves to keep me afraid of my own body and afraid that even the slightest of moves will start the cycle all over again. He keeps me close because he likes it that way.

It's insidious the way chronic pain works its magic. 

One day the beast will be content to stay in the corner. He'll stay home when I go out or want to have a nice time with friends. He'll stay in background and his pain and fatigue will not be the cornerstone of my life. I will be able to put something else in his place.

Maybe one day he'll move on and leave me completely. 

Oh, I know not completely. 

He'll check in every once in awhile just to let me know he's still around but he will be bored because I won't have much to do with him. 


Sunday, October 10, 2010


De-Nile isn't a river in Egypt.
It's where I live.
Right here in Las Vegas.

How do I face my fears? Well, especially when it comes to illness I like to stick my head in the sand. I like it better that way until I process it well enough to face it.  I've never liked to believe that illness can get the better of me. That was before chronic illness. You can do that with the flu or a cold but you can't do that with Fibromyalgia. Now I'm always afraid and I hate the fear and I hate myself for giving in to it. 

When it comes to the denial aspect of chronic illness, I've got that down pat. I don't want to accept certain things about it and other parts of it  I have to process.

After I've processed it, well, it's a whole different ballgame.

I think that people with chronic pain never truly face their fears with their illness. This is why it's called the invisible illness. We're not just invisible because people don't believe we're sick. We're invisible because we are afraid we'll get rejected. I'm invisible because I'm afraid I am not to be believed. I've been rejected by doctors and those closest to me. Why should the public be any different? 

It's so different with the blogging community. 
Why is that?

I would like to think that we recognize what we are most familiar with and accept it but that's not entirely true. We don't recognize it until we choose to reveal it. I have worked with a man for a number of years but it isn't until recently that his wife read my profile on Facebook and learned that I had Fibromyalgia. Her reaction to her husband was the same as mine. "Can you believe that she has Fibromyalgia?"

We tread very lightly until we're sure we are accepted. We tiptoe and peek around the corner of Fibromyalgia. This way we can beat a hasty retreat if we need to hide from the disbelief. Rejection hurts so we avoid it at all costs. Advance and retreat. Advance and retreat. That should be my motto. The problem is that I get irritated when the people around me aren't mind readers. Shouldn't they know that I'm sick? Shouldn't they realize how much pain I'm in today? 

They won't know unless I tell them. 

I don't think I've really faced my fears. I feel like a warrior one day and a wimp the next. I've faced my pain because I've had to face it. If I could deny it away I would do so in the so-called New York minute. I am strong because I do face the pain and what comes with it on a daily basis but no matter how strong I am in the acceptance of chronic illness I am still afraid on the inside. How can I become visible when I reach out and have my hands slapped? Thank goodness for the people I've met through blogging. Without them my fears would be a whole lot more pronounced. They help me get through some terrible days.

I am strong.
I am weak.
I am still fearful.
I am chronic illness.

Friday, October 8, 2010


It's well known.
Don't discuss religion or politics.
I broke the rules.

I just happened to google the word, "suffering." I wanted to see what would come up and what I could learn about this word. Personally, I don't like the word suffering as it applies to me and my illness. It's the same for me as the word disabled. I visualize a bent and bowed old woman. Now, I don't want to start a firestorm of comments about being disabled. I am disabled and I have accepted that. I just have a visual involving the words suffering and disabled that negatively impacts me.

Anyway, back to suffering. Then I googled suffering and religion and looked at the views of suffering by the major religions of the world. I did an overview of basic Buddhist tenets and wrote about suffering as I understood it.

Boy, did I get comments.

First, I think I misunderstood what suffering meant according to the Buddhist theories. I'm still not sure what I read because my mental capacities aren't what they used to be! What I did realize is that belief systems all have basic ideas and tenets about the suffering of mankind.

So lets go back to the actual definition of suffering.

1.  to undergo or feel pain or distress.  
2.  to sustain injury, disadvantage or loss.  
3.  to endure pain or disability.   
4.  to tolerate or allow.  
5.  to undergo, be subjected to or endure pain, distress, injury, loss or anything unpleasant. 


I guess I do suffer after all. Chronic pain and the devastation it leaves in its aftermath is something that I don't wish on anyone. Those of us who have to live with this on a daily basis not only struggle with the stigma of an invisible illness but they suffer with the subsequent isolation that comes with living with chronic pain and fatigue. 

There is physical suffering and there is emotional suffering. We've probably endured both kinds. Sometimes everything becomes so overwhelming that we just don't know where to turn. The never ending parade of symptoms and pain make it seem like we're standing in the middle of quicksand. At any moment we are aware that we can sink. 

Anything that we can do to muddle through is of personal opinion. We don't have a cure so we can't point to anything as the definitive answer as to how we should deal with our pain. It's subjective and we get very defensive when anyone points to a coping mechanism and implies that if we're not doing this we won't get well. It's almost as if we're turning on our own instead of lending a helping hand to lift each other up. It's absolutely imperative that we do everything in our power to lift each other up. Sometimes that's all we've got to hang on to.

The mind does incredible things and words can evoke powerful images. Those images are different for everyone, depending on their experiences. 

They don't say that the pen is mightier than the sword for nothing.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I don't understand.
It falls under the concept
that suffering builds character.
Excuse me.
But I have enough character.
I would make a lousy Buddhist.

I know that everyone has different systems to help them cope with this mysterious disease called Fibromyalgia. The concept of the acceptance of suffering is a basic tenet of Buddhism. Suffering, and to be free from suffering, helps you achieve salvation. There is a cause and there is an end and there is a way to rectify it. The pursuit of pleasure only brings pain because it can never be achieved. It's like having an unquenchable thirst. Truly, there really isn't anything new under the sun.  All religions revolve around the same basic concept. Even societal coping mechanisms, like the concept of the grief cycle and acceptance being the final step to moving on, operate the same way.

Healing begins with the acceptance of pain.

I have found out that I don't know how to be sick. I would have to say that I'm not a "religious" person. A lot of organized religion falls flat with me. I find that they spend more time on the outside than dealing with the inside. I would have to say that I'm more spiritual and I do know that my relationship with God is one of the most important things in my life.

Where I have trouble is dealing with the concept that we need to accept suffering. I have to say that I absolutely do not believe that. We may have to accept our circumstances, we may have to accept that pain will be a part of our lives, we may have to accept a lot of things.

I do not believe that we have to accept suffering.

Suffering is a whole other concept and mindset. Suffering keeps us down and more miserable than we already are in dealing with our everyday symptoms. We have enough trouble dealing with the fallout that chronic illness also brings.

Accept suffering? I don't think so.

I choose to accept pleasure. Not pleasure in how bad I feel but pleasure in life in general. I have a desire to one day be able to move in spite of my pain. I have pain and I don't revel in it or accept it. I hate it and will do anything to eradicate it. Whether it be through water therapy, medication or meditation. It makes no difference to me.

I think we have to have hope. Not hope that the suffering will help me achieve some sort of salvation but hope that one day there will be a cure for a debilitating disease. Suffering is a concept I have a hard time accepting. I do constantly long for this life to be other than it is and I refuse to give up hope that it will be better. 

I can be in pain. 

I can be in excruciating pain but I refuse to suffer. 

I choose to believe that it will pass but I also know that I need to get ready for the next round until there is a cure. I cannot be caught unaware. I need to know my body and it's triggers and all of this is a learning experience. 

I'll admit that sometimes I will try anything to relieve this pain. The last few months have been incredibly, how should I say, challenging. I can't believe how politically correct I am in even saying that word! They have been full of pain filled days and nights. I will use every method that I can to find relief. I don't find a sense of relief when I accept certain conditions or factors in this life. I understand that the mind can do many, many things. It can heal and it can hurt but telling me that a calm, peaceful existence will bring a sense of, shall I say, nirvana......well, for me, it just isn't happening. I can let go of,  "the small stuff". I can even let go of, "the big stuff."  I've let go of a lot of things. I've had to whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual or financial. Yes, I have had to let go of quite a bit.  However:

I will never let go of the fight to get well.
I will never let go of hope that there will one day be a cure.
I will never let go of my "survivor" personality.
I will never calmly sit by and give in to my pain.

I will never let go.


Sunday, October 3, 2010


The heat spell has been broken.
It's cool and wonderful.
It's raining.
I hurt.
A lot.

I feel like a truck hit me. I waited too long to take the pain medication. The tightening of my muscles had already started and my body had already started to ache. I don't know why I continue to do this. If I would not be so stubborn and just take the pill. If I would do that I would be able to avert a full blown disaster. For some reason I continue to believe that I can visualize and talk my way out of this.

For those fans of cognitive behavioral therapy, I am here to tell you that I try this. I continue to try this and I genuinely suffer for it. The humidity and I do not get along well at all. I have always loved the rain and, now, I know it's going to wreak havoc. I don't care how much I try to find my zen place it isn't going to matter.

I was right.

Havoc doesn't even begin to describe what it's doing to me right now. The pain has gone from a dull ache to voodoo pain and now it's reaching the oh-my-dear-God stage. 

I read the last post and could absolutely envision myself at the Fabulous Fibro Resort and Spa. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a place like that? I would not only love to vacation there but I could be a live-in resident! I really need a massage but right now the muscles couldn't handle it. 

I'm now watching movies. 

I know it's going to be a real long night. You can tell by the length of this post. I won't be able to type much longer because the ache in my hands is becoming real strong pain. I'm trying hard to hit the keys but it's becoming impossible. 

Just keep those pain pills and muscle relaxers coming.
I'm going to need it.

I just hope someone got the license plate number of that truck that hit me.


I want to go here.
Enough said.

The Fabulous Fibro Spa and Resort

HibernationNow and Phylor’s Blog present: How a spa would be designed and managed by fibrologists:

Dear Guest:

Welcome to the Fabulous Fibromyalgia Spa and Resort! Whether you are staying in the main building or one of our cottages (the Pain Villa, the Fibro Fireplace, the Befuddled Bedroom, or the Nerve Damage Madness), you will find that we are equipped to handle any situation that may arise. While we don’t leave a chocolate on your pillow, you will find 2 Advils or Aleves and specially designed heating pads specifically for those tender 17 points. We know there are days when you don’t move around all that much, so rather than steps or long walkways, you will find escalators similar to those used a airports. Please hold on to the sides as we know that some of you may have balance issues.

You can check in at whatever pace feels comfortable to you. As memory problems can be an issue, you will be given several key cards (room number stickers available upon request) in case you should misplace one or lock yourself out of your rooms. At 4pm and again at 9 pm, our special welcome cocktail, the Fibro Fizz will be delivered to your room.

Each suite or cottage contains a memory foam king-sized bed, a large bathroom with tub and Jacuzzi. We have an array of unscented toiletry items available upon request at check in or with reservation. Beside your bed, you will find a white noise machine with peaceful sounds such as waves lapping the shore, rain-gentling falling, and other soothing sounds from nature. At your writing desk, you will find a supply of post-it notes in different colo(u)rs and patterns, pens, and stationary for making notes. There is high-speed wifi, HD cable, and a list of more than 200 movies on demand at no extra cost. You can search the movie database by genre, stars, director, screen writer. We are always open to suggestions for additions to our list that can be made available within 24 hours. Providing these in-room movies has been a big hit with our guests. If you don’t feel up to going to one of our many social areas, you can relax in the comfort of your own space and refresh your memory by re-watching classics, give your mind, rather than your body,  a workout with the action pictures (yes, some folks do move that fast), and since laughter is great medicine, our list of comedies is extensive.

For an additional $50 a night you can upgrade to one of our luxuriously padded rooms, conveniently located next to one of the dining areas. With walk-in bathtub, Epsom salts on demand, and doubly padded walls and floors, these rooms appeal to the fall and/or trip crowd.
Every hour is medication cocktail hour at the indoor and outdoor pools. Our staff will gladly prepare whatever combination of medicines, vitamins, and supplements suits your personal needs. Some of our more popular concoctions are the Savella Sling with just a hint of Tramadol,  the Lyrica Laser prepared with or without Xanax, the Gabapenten Gobbler, best served with a dash of morphine and the Oxycontin Overboard that contains over 7 medications, and 10 supplements.

Our dining facilities that include a formal dining room, casual café, and coffee bar are open 24/7 for your convenience. Our chefs have created a luscious array of soft foods for people with TMJ. You can choose from menu items, or request the kitchen make something special for you. Room service is also available 24/7. There is no need to get out of bed, the restaurant has a key and tipping will be added at the end.

Our spa has all the latest in massage and relaxing techniques including hot stone therapy, therapeutic massage, breathing and relaxing exercises. We are always happy to deal with your bunions, your broken toes, your mangled feet. Included in your package are several free extras we call our Fibro Fix-up: a manicure and pedicure, hair cut, tricks to hide those dark circles from sleepless nights, and the opportunity to consult with one of our Fibro Fashionistas for the latest in lounging and sleeping wear. Our full Fibromassage offers gentle touching of those inflamed areas all over your body. We especially cater to the 17 point system of pain centers. Our staff has won over 25 first place ribbons at the Annual Feeling Fibro Massage and Comfort Olympics.

A recently added feature is our Fibro Fitness team. These well-trained and dedicated Fibro-Fit individuals wheel the exercise equipment to your room, carefully encase you into the fat-melting machine of your choice, and the machine does the rest. For those of you who don’t need to shed a pound or two, we have a special cheesecake and ice cream diet to ensure you get those needed extra calories. You can have these special meals delivered to the privacy of your own room, or you can join others on the thin side of healthy Fibro-Fattening Bistro.

One of our more popular features is the Xanax Room. Open 24/7, you can order the strength of Xanax you need to let those feelings of panic and anxiety just slip away. And the price is right: free Xanax! Adjacent to the Xanax Room, the Ambien Pre-bedRoom prepares you for a cozy, sleep-ful night. There are teas, comforting lavender and other scented oils and candles, and helpful staff members who will accompany you back to your room, and tuck you in for that nice, long sleep you have been looking forward to.

We have a fleet of electric scooters should you feel like a leisurely ride along one of our specially designed walkways that sweep themselves clean, so there is nothing along the route to jar your bones. We pride ourselves on our gardens, including the Zen garden should you feel the need to meditate outdoors, and a complete herbal garden for creating our special teas such as:
Morning Eye Opener, Afternoon Nap, Evening Relaxation, and Bedtime Comforter.

We have hotel hosts and hostesses posted every two feet so that when you lose your way because of Fibro fog and get lost, someone is always there to turn you around and point you in the right direction.

This is only a small sample of the information will find among the pages of your welcome kit. Please feel free to ask questions as many times as you need to while acquainting yourself with our facilities. Our aim is to give you as much pain-free, fibro fog-free time with us as possible. You are free to participate in any of our organized activities such as Bend and Stretch or Sitting in a Chair yoga classes, make use of our arts and craft room, or, simply lay back in the gentle hug of your bed, and let us do all the work for you.

Thank you for visiting the Fabulous Fibro Spa, we hope to see you again soon. and