HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2015

Sometimes we forget.

Sometimes we just lose sight,

of what is important.

I'm thankful for the pain so when it ends I know the feeling of relief. I'm thankful for hunger so I know what it feels like to be full. I'm thankful for the tough times so I'll be grateful for the times of plenty. 

I'm thankful that I have a wonderful, beautiful daughter. She's the light of my life. I'm so proud of the woman that she's become. She's a accomplished woman who stands tall. I look at her and marvel that I had a hand in all of this. She's got a tender heart and loves with her whole heart. Her smile lights up the world. To top it all off I have a grandson. He calls me Meemaw and, yes, we are Big Bang Theory nuts. He is my moon pie because he is so num-num-nummy that I could just eat him up. 

I'm thankful for a wonderful extended family that are my daughter and son-in-laws friends who have welcomed me into their homes and their hearts. They love laughter and friends and dogs. It's so nice that their group of friends are all so wonderful. I'm thankful that my daughter has her best friend that is right beside her with children of her own and they can go on this magical ride of motherhood together.

I'm thankful for my best friend of 20+ years. It's the friend that we all need. It's a friend that will laugh and cry with you. A friend who'll have your back and cover your ass as well. (I know where all the bones are buried!)  It's a friend that will tell you the truth knowing that the truth may be painful. A friend that accepts your flaws, applauds your triumphs and cries with you when you're hurt. He's my friend that will always be there through thick and thin. We were brought together by a lingering ex-boyfriend and have stayed friends.

I'm thankful for Facebook. Before you laugh it's been the vehicle that has brought classmates from years past back into my life. We are all friends for life.

I'm thankful that my many annoyances with my health can be managed. I've had friends fighting for their lives with cancer. Some of them lost the fight.  Nothing can compare to chemo and radiation. You see the pain and the suffering. You see hair falling out in clumps. You see realization that even though their desire to fight is strong, they know they may lose the battle. I'm not minimizing Fibromyalgia but if this is the worst that I have to deal with in this life.....well, I'm fortunate. 

I'm thankful for my dog who continually reminds me how to  be content. He greets me with enthusiasm that goes through his whole body.  He knows he has everything he needs and sleeps contentedly with thoughts of snackers and babies running through his head. I'm thankful for Costco because without Costco chicken he wouldn't eat. (Well, we all know he would but I've spoiled him rotten.)

I'm thankful for a wonderful and loving God who doesn't give me all I pray for and yet gives me more than I need. I'm thankful that there is enough food and I'm mindful of those who are not as fortunate. 

So, on this Thanksgiving 2015,

find time to sit back and reflect,

and be thankful,

because no matter how bad it is,

it could always be worse.

God Bless you and your families.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Now, if I don't gain 10 lbs. by morning....

I would not be grateful for that!!!!

THE THANKSGIVING CONUNDRUM 2014

Well, I've done it again.

Just when I thought I wouldn't.

I just couldn't help myself.

Every year I say the same thing. I promise myself that I will NOT overdo it. Funny part is that I really believe it when I tell myself that I will take things slow and easy.

Right.

It's Thanksgiving Eve and I've spent the last two days getting my portion of the dinner prepared. 

And I hurt.

Like holy you-know-what.

I hesitate to say that the cold weather has set in. Cold......in the 50's. I know....I know....the rest of the country would love this weather! Still, it makes me hurt. I've been the tin man in search of an oil can. I know that I shouldn't say anything about the weather. Those in the midwest and the east would gladly trade places with me. 

I still say that a comfy bed is the way to go. You can do all sorts of things from there and I can attest to that! Grocery lists, ordering the delivery service, and hey, they can even cook the turkey. (You still have to have someone pick it up.) 

If you are of the I-can-do-it-myself persuasion try to keep the food prep reasonable. Just because it seems like it's not enough, trust me....it is. We will end up having enough food to feel a small country. Buster has been hanging around the kitchen waiting for the scraps to fall. He took off with one of the sweet potatoes! No! It is NOT A TOY!!! Well...that potato goes in the trash. The running around the house trying to get the sweet potato away from him didn't help and it certainly didn't help when I had to reach under the bed with a bacon strip to get him to relinquish the potato.

Great. 

I've started sucking down pain medication already......

Even though all of this is in fun, we should be thankful for what we do have. It truly could be a lot worse. This year I lost a fibro friend to multiple myeloma. It brought home how fragile this life is. As I stop for a moment to give thanks for my many blessings I will also remember to ask for comfort for those who have lost loved ones. 

So tomorrow it's off to the outlaws for our Thanksgiving dinner. I'm especially thankful that a comfy chair is waiting for me. Since it is a football day, I can wear those wonderful sweats. I had to remember to wear a team sweatshirt to feel legit. 

Last year I said that I had practiced my exhausted-from-cooking look?

This year?

I won't have to practice.

Still, we should be thankful for something. 

I'm thankful for my family and friends.

I'm thankful for all the blessings in my life.

And I'm thankful for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

THE COMFY BED THANKSGIVING CONUNDRUM

The holidays are coming!
Like everyone who writes about chronic issues,
there are hints and tips about getting through the holidays.
So, in the spirit of the day,

I also have helpful hints, observations, and a peek into my day.

Here goes!

First....Make all your grocery lists from bed. Give the list to your kids, spouse or significant other. Send them to the store. Assign the side dishes to the rest of the group.

Stay in bed.

Well, the house needs to be cleaned..so....Put a roomba on the floor. Turn on the ceiling fan and watch the dust will rise to the ceiling. Look around and decide that it doesn't look too bad. Great!! 

Go back to bed.

Get on the phone to your local grocery. Most of the deli departments will make the turkey. Send someone down there to pay for it and make sure the store is open on Thanksgiving. It is? Great! If you're exhausted from making holiday arrangements roll over and put the pillow over your head.

Stay in bed.

It's the big day!! You'll need to get out of bed to get ready to greet guests. You definitely don't want to be stressed today. Since there's plenty of football on, just wear the sweats from your favorite team. This way you're game appropriate and in jammies at the same time! If you want to put on makeup start 5 hours ahead ... that should give you plenty of time. Shower and makeup done?

Get back in bed!

Have the turkey picked up or preferably delivered. This should be done a couple of hours before the guests arrive because the wonderful aroma from that glorious turkey needs to permeate the house.  Just an FYI....place the turkey in a roasting pan and throw the ones from the store in the garbage cans outside. It helps to practice your exhausted-from-cooking look in the mirror. It also helps if you throw a little flour around the kitchen. Hold the cannister tightly otherwise you'll have flour everywhere. I learned this one the hard way. Also, I didn't realize how much my dog Buster loved flour. Yay! It's a game!!! I chased after him and had to clean the little flour paw prints that were throughout the house. After you're done cleaning the flour off the counters and floors....be sure to shake the flour out of your hair too....

Go back to bed.

I don't have to set the table. Why? Because I keep dining room table set year round. This way I don't have to worry about it. Quick tip? Just wipe the dust that has accumulated around the edges of the table. Practice your smile. Oh.....you have an hour before guests arrive?Better not push it...

Go back to bed.

Yay!

Thanksgiving is here! The smells in the house are divine! Guests are arriving and bringing heavenly dishes for tasting! It's time to gather 'round the table grateful for each other and all blessings.....(Don't hold my hands too tight....that hurts!) I'm so thankful for my family and friends.......and my bed.

As we enjoy the glorious food and company, I've been reminded of the times of years past...I sigh wistfully.....or was that a snore? Damn.....I'm starting to go under from the tryptophan. It's the dreaded turkey coma! At least when dinner is over  I can curl up on the couch pretending to be interested in the game. Stay awake.....stay awake.....stay awake....

How many hours till I'm back in bed?

I rise from the table full with bones creaking and stiff. I've been sitting so long that the pain is making me dizzy. Or is that the wine? The couch is calling and the noise from the shouts of the lastest touchdown make my head hurt. Or is it the wine?  Maybe I should head back to the kitchen and help with the dishes. Really? It's all done?? Oh how wonderful!  I'm so thankful that everyone else has cleaned the kitchen! Where did all the time go?? Dishes are washed and glasses sparkling....The dining room table has been reset waiting for next year! Really? It's time to go already? You can't stay? Did I just totally zip on the day?? I don't remember.

So I shuffle back to the bedroom and climb in my comfy bed and cover myself with a nice warm comforter. It's been a long day and I'm ready to close my eyes in glorious slumber. 

Wrong.

Now, I can't sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving!

THANKS AND GIVING

Being thankful.

Attitude of gratitude.

Is it easy?

It's definitely not easy to pull yourself out of yourself and think of all the blessings that you have in your life. Chronic pain makes you withdraw..........it likes it that way. All it wants you to do is focus on your pain. The pain tells you that it's for self-protection and that it's for the best.

The pain lies.

Thanksgiving is a time for friends and family. It's a time for giving and it's a time to be grateful for what we do have and are able to do. No matter how bad we feel...well, it could always be worse. I know that I'm guilty of letting pain shift my focus inward. I mean, let's face it, if the only thing that I'm grateful for is that I'm not a turkey.........well, you get the idea.

I need to stop and think.

Sometimes it's volunteering, or listening. Sometimes it might just be a smile. Gratitude is infectious even for the most cynical. I went to a church service and people were speaking about what they were thankful for this year. I was sitting there half listening and a man took his turn at the microphone and said he was grateful that he had his son for 17 years because his son went home to be with the Lord. I was shaken out of my complacency. I couldn't believe the dignity and grace that this man had in the face of such tragedy. It's hard for me to even write the words. 

I can think of nothing worse.

So, I think I can look at "me" and be grateful. I don't mean that I'm playing Pollyanna or glossing over trials that can be faced in life. I just think we can still find blessings that we have all around us. Instead of my focus being negative (like it usually is) I need to find a way to be more positive. I know that I have to dig down real deep. 

Wait.........this is making me sound like an ungrateful brat. That's not it at all and that's not me at all. I do know that there are others hurting as much and much more than I am. So what to do? It's still difficult to give when you feel like you don't have anything left in you. I have friends that I've met through blogging and they are HURTING. 

It comes down to not only being grateful for what we do have but also giving to someone, ANYONE else. We need to move beyond ourselves. I realize that if I were to go to houses down the block and trade my problems for theirs I might just come to the conclusion that I don't have it so bad after all. 


I may not have a back and neck that are in the greatest condition and I may have an illness that doesn't have a conclusive beginning or end BUT, all in all, I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends. That, in itself, should keep me in an attitude of gratitude. 


I have a wonderful daughter and son-in-law.


That's the icing on the cake.


Cake??


Did someone say cake??


Oh yeah..........I did!!


Time for dessert and for that I am thankful!

TIME CAN HEAL ALL WOUNDS

It's funny how things change.

Life, Ideas and Beliefs.
You.
Time can heal all wounds.

It was Thanksgiving Day and it was going to be a long day. The pain had started early in the morning and it was hard to walk. I knew I better start the pain medication otherwise I'd be crying before I even arrived at the in-laws; or the outlaws, as we like to call ourselves.

I didn't want my daughter to be worried about me and seeing me wince in pain would definitely do that. I prayed that the medication would take effect and at least help me pull off my little charade of feeling just fine. Her dad and his wife were also going to be spending the day with us and I wanted it to be a day of joy, not one of worry. 


For so long I blamed my former husband for the events that led up to our divorce. I had a lot of anger that I kept buried deep inside. What I didn't realize is that the anger was there long before I even got married. I still don't know everything that is buried in there but he got damaged goods and neither one of us was aware of it. You can't fully love anyone else unless you love yourself first and that was my problem. I didn't know how to be open and vulnerable, well, I did but it wasn't going to happen. The added plus was that if he did see what was underneath all of that he wouldn't love what he saw. Having gone through all of that and very slowly came out of it, I wasn't sure how I felt about spending the day with them. All I did know was that my daughter wasn't going to pay for my insecurities and I was determined to smile, no matter what.


The conversation during dinner was so easy. The families were blending beautifully and I couldn't ask for anything better. Then my former husband asked me if I'd spoken with my aunt lately. 


Maybe it was all the carbs and the sugar but I had a moment of clarity. I'm not saying my ex-husband was an angel but my reactions to the issues and problems that we had were way over the top. He was surrounded by the women in my family who had their own problems in their marriages and, in this case, misery really loved company.  I have no idea if we would have worked everything out but it seemed that everyone from our pastor (and that is whole other story) to my family was actively sabotaging our marriage. The scary thing is, I allowed it, reveled in it and did my part to destroy it.


It took me a very long time to get away from the dysfunctional dynamic this side of my family possessed. It was a family that needed drama, intensity and high volume to survive. The women were strong and heaven help you if you got in their way. Well, they would just steamroller over you and that was that. I ended up with them because I had lost both of my parents and I moved in with them.  The trauma of losing both of my anchors so early in my life took a huge toll on me. I already had issues with abandonment and losing my parents cast those issues in stone. I took on the personality of my aunt as my own and even when I disagreed I couldn't open my mouth. I felt that if I did take an opposite stance I could lose another set of parents. I was locked up in a prison of my own making. 


When my aunts and cousins marriages were breaking up I was at ground zero in the middle of the perfect storm. As far as everyone was concerned, men were bad and then it turned out that my husband couldn't even breathe right. I was in an environment of malice and I couldn't stop it. I felt powerless and I went right along with all of it. It wasn't until they turned on me as well that I found out that I still had my own personal power; and, at that point, I used it. However, by the time I used it the cost was very high. I had been a loose cannon and everything was fair game. By the time the storm had stopped there was a lot of devastation in its path.


It's bittersweet to look back and think of the different paths that could have been chosen. There are ways to handle conflicts and I chose every wrong one. It took a long time for me to finally be at peace and I value that more than anything I possess. I can now look at him and, with all my heart,  thank him for the years we did have together and for our beautiful daughter. 


I can say how sorry I am, and mean it. 


I don't have to preface everything with, "if you hadn't......... then I wouldn't have....."  


I guess I've grown more than I realized.