FOR TWO COOKIES YOU CAN HAVE THE HOUSE

A dog is the only thing on this earth,

that loves you more than you do.

The loss of our beloved pets is really tough to take. Most of us run our homes for the comfort and convenience of our dogs. They love unconditionally and even when they hurt, they put that aside and greet their pack with a wag of a tail that uses their whole body.

We recently lost Callie baby. Even when her body was in its last stages no one knew. She loved and played and snacked. A small yelp alerted her family that something was wrong.

No one could have guessed what was coming.

So now we're left to comfort one of our own. Her baby Callie is playing with H at the Rainbow Bridge. I sent a special prayer up and told H to go meet her. They are pain free and playing patiently waiting to be reunited with their loved ones.

All we can do is know how much we loved them and how much they loved in return. They give so much of themselves and ask for so little. Well, except for snacks and treats........all bets are off on that one.

What can we do?

We can smile and celebrate their lives. 

I think they'd want that.


**comfort to you Fessler family........thoughts and prayers with you!

MY BABY H

H was 17 years old.

Today he went home.

He's playing at the Rainbow Bridge.

The last few days have been tough. I knew the decision was coming this week. Evidently, H didn't want me to have to go through that so he took matters into his own paws. His big heart just finally gave out. 

H was a world traveler. He aspired to be the finance minister of Abu Dhabi. He read the wall street journal and loved to invest in puppy stocks and bonds. He came up with the idea for the doggie slot machines in the casino and stashed his money in shoe boxes. He converted currency into sonic cards and doggie treats. 

I can tell you that I'll spend most of the day crying because I am going to miss this little guy more than I ever could have imagined.

Well done, Mr. H.

You were so loved.

And you loved in return with all your heart.

I'll miss you my little happy guy........

YEP, I'M BETTER THAN A BAROMETER

I called it.

I could feel it coming.

Every muscle, every bone in my body.

Rain.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I'm better than a barometer." I've felt the humidity rise tick by tick. Let me check and see what the official number is..........it's......wait for it..........it's 26%. Once it reaches 20% I can feel the moisture in the air rise.

And I can feel it in every part of my body.

It seems that our joints have sensory nerves called baro-receptors. It seems that these nerves can respond to changes in atmospheric pressure. I found out that they are especially receptive when the pressure is low, in other words, when the air has more moisture in it. Research has also shown that it can affect the levels of fluid that line the joints. This can cause inflammation and pain.

See? We're not so crazy after all.

I have a question. If the fluid in the joints respond to atmospheric pressure and it affects the levels of fluid around the joints and this causes inflammation, where does inflammation fit in to Fibromyalgia? Why are we troubled by changes in the weather if there is no inflammation? 

I'll have to think about that one..........


My hands hurt. It always seems to be where the aching, throbbing pain starts. It feels like a spring tightening, winding itself up until it's so tight you can see the tension in the spring. I've tried the coping mechanisms and I've tried to find my zen place. The problem is that my zen place is in a quart of Haagen Daz ice cream. And that is NOT a good thing. My other zen place is a quiet beach but then I envision myself in a bathing suit and then that zen place falls apart. Even my dog H seems to be affected by the weather. He isn't walking very well but he seems to still be a happy guy and wag his tail happily at the sign of treats! (My kind of dog!)

Anyway, in my quest to greater self-awareness and re-invention, I've come up with an idea.

Maybe I should be a meteorologist............

Just sayin.................

CASING THE JOINT

I feel like I'm losing my marbles.

Have you ever just had enough?

I am exhausted.

Enough.

I live in a master planned community and over the weekend they had the semi-annual community garage sale. Now, I'm not able to physically handle putting things out on the table and pricing every little thing. It comes down to  sorting, pricing and displaying all the crap that I don't want anymore.

That doesn't appeal to me at all.

However,  I brought a few things out and put it on a desk that I had in my garage. The weather was cold and windy so it actually worked out to my benefit. I decided to get rid of the numerous vases, glassware and books that have been cluttering up the house. 

I had a ton of people and actually made eighty dollars.

What I didn't bargain for was the fact that one of them was casing the joint. What is it with people? The economy is so bad that people believe that your home is a supermarket and they can come in and basically go shopping. It is unbelievable to me that people have the mindset that this behavior is an appropriate way of life.

I called my daughter and son-in-law and we spent the evening having dinner and enhancing the security around my home.

So now I'm absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted. All I had to do was walk in and see my house and the pain went crazy. I can't tell you how much I hurt right now. The stress of all this just sent the pain levels crazy. I also spent most of the night wide awake. I didn't stay awake out of fear but I was awake because my mind just wouldn't shut off. With everything else in my life going on right now, I needed this like I needed a hole in my head. 

The police, however,  did have a wonderful suggestion.

He said get a "Beware of Dog"  sign and put it on the fence.

Anyone who has seen Mr. H will be in hysterics. My little toothless wonder.........

I've always said "for two cookies you could have the house."

Apparently that's true.

WHERE'S THE SANDMAN?

It's 3.
And I can't sleep.
Kind of reminds me of Passover.

Why, you ask? The Passover Seder is a feast that commemorates the Israelites liberation from Egypt. There is a part of the Seder ceremony that is traditionally given to the youngest child and it's when four questions are asked. I'll write them phonetically in English because the Hebrew version is a little tough to read. One of the questions is: Ma-nish-ta-naw-hi-li-la-hazeh-me-kohl-ha-lay-lot?

Translation. 

Why is this night different from all other nights?

That's usually my standard reply for an event that repeats itself. 

Most of the time I'll fall asleep for a little while and then I'll wake up and this is just one of those nights. It isn't because of the weather; today was just, well, beautiful. It was the kind of day when spring fever sets in. Mild and a slight breeze in the air. It was one of those days where you could be lazy and fall asleep in a hammock in the back yard. You could lay down in the grass and stare up at the clouds and try to guess their shapes.

This is one of those nights that back pain and muscle spasms are making it impossible to sleep. I just can't find a comfortable position for any length of time.

As wonderful as the day was I could tell that the night was going to be interesting. I knelt down,  placed Mr. H's food on the floor and I got a nice jolt of pain. The kind of pain that slaps you suddenly and then in case you didn't get it the first time, sends another jolt down your legs just for good measure.

So, here I am eyes kind of open. 

Mr. H is on his back snoring loudly. 

Well, at least one of us can sleep.

Thank goodness there is a Criminal Minds marathon on television. 

Just another sleepy time movie for me........

PUSH ME PULL YOU

The cardinal rule of chronic illness is:

If you push you will pay.

What?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

I saved up as much energy as I could. My 40th high school reunion was over the weekend and I really wanted to go. I knew I'd pay for it because you can't go out and expend that kind of emotion without getting some kind of payback. Well, at least I can't.

Paybacks are a bitch and it's been one hell of a week.

The day of the reunion I rested and got ready to go around 4. It gave me a couple of hours to shower and do the reconstruction job on my face. The humidity started to rise and when that happens my body goes haywire and today was no exception.  It took me forever to put on makeup. I didn't want to look like a clown and my hands were just not cooperating.  I could feel the old familiar ache so I started with the pain medication because I didn't want to be crying halfway through the evening. That wouldn't look good AT ALL. I have to say,  that at this point,  I had mixed emotions about going. I wanted to see my old  friends but I was really starting to hurt and I knew it was only going to get worse.  

I got to the hotel and sat at a table with some dear friends that I'd known for years. It's amazing how you can pick up right where you left off and feel like you haven't skipped a beat. The friends I grew up with are pretty amazing and I really miss them. Funnily enough, one woman's sister has Fibromyalgia and a pretty severe case of it. I offered to talk with her and I only hope that I can help her realize that she's not alone with this disease.  Anyway, I got up and went to the bar to get a diet coke and passed a group of women talking with a guy. I turned and looked and recognized my daughter's (almost) dad.  What I mean is the man I ran into was such a part of my daughter's life. His children and my daughter grew up together. After my husband and I got divorced we grew apart. It has been literally 20 years since I've seen him and it was wonderful! We saw each other at the same time and I don't think the smiles could have gotten much bigger! We talked, got caught up on the latest and promised each other that it wouldn't happen again. I even got my daughter on the phone so she could speak with him. She absolutely considered him her second dad!  It made my night!

Then I kept looking for one of my dearest friends and couldn't find him. We have kept in touch and it's one of those kind of relationships that time doesn't affect. It doesn't matter if I see him once every ten years. It doesn't matter if I don't see him again. We are true friends of the heart. I kept looking around for him and then I got the news. It turns out he ended up in the intensive care unit. He came in for the reunion and ended up in the hospital. I went up to the hospital and his wife told me what had happened. He had a ton of inconclusive tests (i.e. expensive) and they came to the conclusion that it must have been his medication. Thank goodness he'll be alright.

So Sunday came and I was thoroughly trashed. I stayed in bed because I literally couldn't move. Every bone in my body ached. I got up to feed H and realized that I had no dog food. Crap. The last thing I wanted to do was get dressed and go out but I had to get food. So, I got dressed and went to Petsmart. While I was there I talked to the veterinarian and mentioned that H had a little cyst on his backside and asked what I should put on it? They said they had an opening and would be able to take a look at him so I ran home to pick up H.

That's when all hell broke loose.

When I walked in the door there was blood everywhere. I looked at H and it was coming from him. I gathered him up in a towel and ran back to the vet. That's when I got the news that he might have to be put to sleep. Now I'm not the type to be selfish and make the baby suffer so I can be with him but, for the life of me, I couldn't make the decision to put him down. The vet gave me medication for him and gave him some shots and sent me home. He said, "considering his age we don't want to get too aggressive but if it doesn't change in a week you will want to decide about euthanasia."

I lost it.

My little H. I just love this little guy. I have spent the last couple of days hand feeding him when he couldn't eat. I've washed his backside and applied the ointment and powder. I've prayed with every pill that the swelling would go down and he'd be okay. I just wasn't ready to let him go.

My prayers were answered.

This little baby is alert and the swelling is going down. He is starting to look almost normal. He's eating, drinking and walking so much better. This is such a relief. He's afraid of thunder and this morning he was at my bedside. I put him in bed with me and we snuggled under the covers. This was the best gift I could get. It was a major thunderstorm and I hurt like you-know-what but just knowing H was getting better helped me get through the pain of the morning.

I don't know that he's out of the woods yet. I know there must be something going on with him but he's happy and not in pain. I'll see what the vet says on Sunday. All I can say is that I have hope. It's been wonderful today watching him act like he used to.

Me?

I'm totally trashed. The humidity is 58% and that is enough to put me in crying mode. The pain medication is on double duty tonight. Between the humidity, the rain and the fact that my emotions were running high, this week has been a doozy.  I mean, how much emotion can one body take?

According to my body, not much.

The cardinal rule works.

I have pushed and I have paid. I have been pushed and pulled through joy, pain, fear and agony. 

Push me -  pull you.

I'm going to the couch now.

MORE TIME

Time.

We need more of it.

There's never enough.

I'll tell you that having pets is wonderful, fulfilling and even therapeutic. Anyone can tell you that my home is run for the convenience of my dog. 

My dogs name is H. 

H is a world traveller. He reads the Wall Street Journal and invests in stocks and bonds. He was the finance minister in Abu Dhabi, he invests in Sonic Cards and he's owned restaurants with his old bud Squirt. His recent adventure was with the miner's in Chile. He rode down in the Phoenix capsule and he loved his little miners hat. He was especially happy to meet El Presidente.

All of my dogs have alter egos. H is especially easy because he's just a happy guy. I just adore this little dog.

I had to take him to the vet because he was bleeding from his backside. The vet told me that he has tumors and the outlook isn't good. He is going to give me a week to see if the swelling will go down. If it doesn't he advised me to make a difficult decision. H is getting up there in years and I've known that time is getting short but it doesn't make it any easier.

Not good.

It's never easy to make this kind of a decision. They don't ask a whole lot. They just want to be loved. They give you everything that they have and ask for so little in return. I won't let him suffer but I'll tell you, this is going to be tough.

Time.

I just want more of it for my little guy.

WHAT I SHOULD LEARN

Tonight is a pain night.

Funnily enough, it was a pretty good day. Now, this morning I was greeted with the ever-familiar muscle stiffness and pain but after a while it subsided into a dull ache that was manageable. Then tonight, all of a sudden, pain slammed me against the wall.

What the heck happened?

I have no fricking clue.

So, in order to take my mind off the pain in my hands and the rest of my body, I decided to type. I looked at Mr. H who is getting up in years. His little legs are starting to give out but the poor little guy remains his happy little self. He greets his pack with all the enthusiasm of his youth. Even though his little legs give out he still runs and he wags his tail with his whole body. 

Mr. H also never passes up the chance to go for a ride in the car. He loves a joyride and takes great pleasure in letting the air hit his face. Again, his legs will give out but he gets right up and stands so he can put his head out of the window to feel the breeze. Even though his age is getting to him he still eats with gusto and protects his "bone bag" from intruders. He lets nothing go to waste and doesn't stress if he isn't quite as trim as he used to be. He enjoys laying in the grass to keep cool. He stays quiet and gathers his thoughts and takes pleasure in the rest.

Mr. H is content. 

No matter what his body is doing to him he is satisfied that all his needs are met. He doesn't focus on what he isn't able to do he just does what he wants. If he needs to stop he does.......no complaining or whining. 

He accepts his limitations. 

I should be more like H.

(he doesn't leave the house without his I.D.)