CAN I EVEN REMEMBER MY OWN NAME?

I am truly Miss Erable. 

Not only am I in pain.

But my brains are fried.

I had the greatest start. I got a call from Tonix Pharmecuticals and spoke for about 45 minutes with Dr. Seth Lederman. He's the CEO of Tonix and it was absolutely an amazing phone call. 

More on that in the next post.

Then, I realized my real estate license requires education within the two year of the four year period. Now, that means I have to sit in class for 3 hours..... and I need to do this for a total of twelve hours.

First of all, I hate sitting in classes. It hurts because the chairs are hard and by the time I get up I can't walk. The pain is shooting down my legs and I'm crying because I'm only a quarter of the way done.

Oh my.

But I've come to a decision. 

I'm making an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I always said that when I could no longer sit or stand without pain I'd give in and do something about my back. I can handle the Fibromyalgia pain but the back pain is beyond handling anymore. So I'm making the appointment to see what needs to be done. Years ago the odds were not that good that they could repair my back and have the outcome favorable. 

Hopefully, things have changed.

So between the back and the real estate classes I haven't had the time or the motivation to write about the wonderful research that Tonix Pharmaceuticals has done.

And it could be a game changer.

So off to more torture tomorrow.

Did I mention that I also missed the cutoff for my classes?

That's a lovely little $100 fine.

Great......

HELGA'S HOUSE OF PAIN

I have decided that anyone who sticks needles

in your back, and doesn't put you completely under,

is a sadist.

I was scheduled today for my annual epidural injections from my pain management doctor. Due to changes in my insurance, I had to change doctors and this is the first time that I am having this kind of procedure from this doctor. I'm sure he's competent but I need to put on my happy face and get it over with. Am I Pollyanna? Obviously not, however, I was resigned to getting the epidural injections and I was going to make the best of the situation. I've had them before and they helped for a couple of days and then it was back to the same old routine. The doctors, however,  seem so happy and excited to do them that I didn't want to burst their bubble; so I agreed. I've told them over and over that the injections aren't worth it but they still seem to believe that it will help relieve the back pain. 

Now, if they'd only listen and realize that the back isn't my only problem.....

I'd be home free.

They do seem to forget about the Fibromyalgia. Needles and problems with pain receptors do not have happy endings. I tell them that this is going to hurt more than usual but it's a mental fly-by on their part. Why do doctors do this? 

They just don't get it.

Fibromyalgia has been downgraded thanks to the Lyrica commercial. It's a pesky little fly that can be brushed off your shoulder. I mean, can the pain really be THAT bad? I mean, you don't look THAT bad so you must not be that bad. So, they start the IV and I'm getting relaxed. I figure I'll be out in less than ten seconds.

Nope. Didn't happen.

Then this clown takes this 6 inch needle and tells me I'll feel a little pinch. Is he fricking kidding me? I'm not out??? I nearly came off the table and he's telling me to hold on. Then he hit a nerve and I felt that lovely little electrical current right down my leg to the bottom of my feet. 

At this point my knuckles are turning white from the grip that I had on the table.

He hit the trigger points on my hips and then started on the other side. At this point, tears are streaming down my face. He had this look on his face that spoke volumes. It was a look that bordered between disgust and disdain. It kind of said, "suck it up." I can tell you that I will NOT do this again. 

So, as I'm waiting for the local to wear off,

I once again am waiting for pain.

No worries, I have plenty of movies.

I just wish someone would beat the crap out of "Helga" and then tell me it doesn't hurt.

LETS ACT UP A LITTLE

Just one more thing.

Just what I needed.

Super-dooper.

It started when Mr. H died. I went to the closet and got a big towel so that I could wrap him gently for his last ride in the car. The problem is that I lifted him without bending my legs. He weighed almost 30 pounds and I'm sure that's what started the pain in my back going from a slight twinge to voodoo pain in the matter of twenty-four hours.

To top it off I continued to walk on the treadmill at the gym. 

I figured it wouldn't matter. 

Wrong.

This morning it was difficult to get into an upright position. Now, I know that's laughable because I always say, "sitting upright? Call me wacky!" but it was hard to stand. So, what did I do? I slugged down a pain pill and went to the gym and walked.

Stupid.

I spent an enjoyable day with my daughter and her friends at the pool. I came home and got right into bed praying that the muscle relaxers will work. I don't know if it was the stress of H's passing along with the lifting but whatever it was that triggered this, well, it can just stop right now. I don't have time for my back to decide to act up.

Is there a part of my body that doesn't need a massage?

Nope.

Tomorrow, instead of being stubborn and making this worse, I think I'm going to just stay in bed. As boring as that sounds it's something that I need to do.

I hope I can listen to my body and just do what it's telling me to do.

Stay horizontal.

And don't be stupid.

Let's hope because I haven't been able to learn that lesson yet.