QUESTIONS BUT NO ANSWERS.....YET

So, what is it?

Will they ever know?

Or do I just continue to question?

I'm really sick of going to doctors. I guess what I mean to say is that I'm sick of feeling so lousy that I have no choice but to go to the doctor. I have to say one thing. I do have a great doctor. He's very curious and he believes me when I tell him that I feel lousy. This, however, means going for more blood tests.

Do I have any blood left?

After 18 vials...........

Evidently, my thyroid is still borderline. The autoimmune thyroiditis is in full force. Plus, the thyroglobulin ab is very high. They found a nodule in my thyroid. So now I have to go through another ultrasound and then if it's growing there's another fun test. I've been through a few of them already and the nodules just keep getting bigger. Tomorrow, if it has grown again I get to move up in the ranks of testing. What test? A biopsy. If that happens I think I'd actually be relieved. At least then I'd know why I feel the way I do. 

The problem is the symptoms are so intertwined.

I don't know if it's the thyroid or the Fibromyalgia. 

The fatigue is overpowering. I won't even count the pain because that is always with me. It's just that my hands have hurt more than usual. I don't think its the Fibro because I just feel so..........

Different.

I asked her why I can't lose weight. She stated I need to eat less calories. I told her that at, at best, I eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. Her advice? Go down to about 700. Do you believe that one????? She's a doctor????

I'm just tired of blood work being out of range and the endocrinologist shrugs her shoulders. 

If the nodule has grown again and nothing is done....

If she shrugs her shoulders again............

I'm going to another doctor.

Pronto.

IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

110 degrees.

Under the eaves.

In the shade.

I've never liked the heat and I like it even less now. You'd think that after 51 years in Las Vegas that I would get used to the desert heat.

Not only no.
Hell no.

I didn't mind it as much when I was in the pool but with the onset of age and some common sense, I stopped baking in the sun. Then, when I was working, I spent a great deal of the day in the sales office. I only ventured outside when I couldn't talk anyone into not looking at their home site in the middle of the day. 

Now I just stay inside.

Since the thyroid regulates temperature is it still a by-product of the autoimmune issues I have with it? I take enough thyroid medication to keep it in the "normal" range but maybe it isn't enough. I just can't seem to deal with the heat anymore. I think heat intolerance doesn't adequately describe it.

It makes me sick.
The upside? I can use the Vitamin D.
Did you catch the sarcasm dripping off of that last statement?

We're going to have excessive heat this week. I wasn't kidding about the 110 degrees. The official heat is measured at our airport about 30 feet up and under the eave in the shade. Really. In all actuality it will probably be 117 in the lower parts of the valley. This kind of heat is smothering. The temperature in the car can easily get to 140. You don't mess around with those kind of temperatures.

It gets dangerous.
No kidding.

You have to plan any errands in the "cooler" part of the day. That means before 10 in the morning and after 7 at night. Even then I take a cooler with me to the store because a quick trip can mean frozen food can start to thaw. Sunglasses are a must if you have light sensitivity (which I do). 

And you have to stay hydrated.
Again, no kidding.

So I'm hibernating this week and praying that the heat will break, otherwise, it's going to be a doozy of a summer. That doesn't take into account the amount of money I'll be donating to Nevada Power.

Gee, I can't wait.

So here I am wishing I was in Antarctica.

But.......hey........

it's a dry heat!

So I think I'll watch the fireworks on TV.......

UPDATE: the clouds moved in and it now has started to rain. Yay for the ground, bad for me.

THE YUCK FACTOR

Well,

it seems like it's back to the drawing board.

Let's hope this works.

I'm really sick of going to doctors. I guess what I mean to say is that I'm sick of feeling so lousy that I have no choice but to go to the doctor. I have to say one thing. I do have a great doctor. He's very curious and he believes me when I tell him that I feel lousy. This, however, means going for more blood tests.

Do I have any blood left?

After 17 vials...........

Evidently, my thyroid is still borderline. 

The autoimmune thyroiditis is in full force.

Everything else? Right on target.

However, they found a nodule in my thyroid. So now I have to go through another ultrasound and then if it's growing there's another fun test. A biopsy. If that happens I think I'd actually be relieved. At least then I'd know why I feel the way I do. 

The problem is the symptoms are so intertwined.

I don't know if it's the thyroid or the Fibromyalgia. 

The fatigue is overpowering. I won't even count the pain because that is always with me. It's just that my hands have hurt more than usual. I don't think its the Fibro because I just feel so..........

Different.

I gave in and went to the endocrinologist. More blood work and I'm back on the Armour Thyroid. I did feel better on this when it was prescribed to me a year ago. Hopefully this will pull me out of the constant feeling of yuck. Why they felt the need to change it is beyond me. 

The symptoms of hypothyroid and Fibromyalgia are SO close. How do I know this isn't Fibromyalgia? For one thing.....my hair. It's very dry and thinning out. The doctor said the Cytomel will do that. Why in the heck did they ever prescribe it? I know it's more precise than Armour Thyroid but it can't be that big of a difference. The other thing is that my skin is much drier. 

Try peeling off the tips of my fingertips. 

The scary thing is that no amount of lotion or cream would stop it. I even got steroid shots but that didn't work either. The only thing the shot seemed to do is make me gain 5 lbs. overnight and that does not work for me. Finally my manicurist gave me some lotion from Vietnam and, believe this, it helped it within three days. Three days later.......it was GONE.

Now I can get my nails done again. 

That problem is fixed.

Now........

All I care about is that I lose weight......

and the fatigue........

and the joint pain.........

and the weight........

WHAT CAME FIRST, THE THYROID OR THE FIBRO?

Oh yay!

Another cure!!

Never mind the research.

Everyone else has been wrong.

It seems that everyone else has been misguided and the cure for Fibromyalgia has been right under our noses all this time.

It's your thyroid that causes the Fibromyalgia.

Sounds simple, huh?

I will agree that a lot of the symptoms sound the same but, at the same time, managing one does not automatically mean the cure of the other. The interesting part? The irrefutable evidence is currently on a website that is offline. 

Hmmmm.......

My doctor gets it. He knows there is a difference between normal and optimum. I don't feel well just being barely normal (OK, don't even go there!!!). I also need T3 and T4. I can't take levothyroxine alone, it just doesn't work for me. Getting my levels in check took some doing but now they seem to be where they need to be. 

I think it's interesting that that a lot of these symptoms are the same. I don't mean to sound flippant. There are a lot of issues with our body and the thyroid may just be one of them. The HPA axis dysfunction has long been a favorite theory of mine. I just think it's suspect when you take the same symptoms and point them to a simple fix.

Don't you think researchers have thought of this?

Maybe there is a problem with the thyroid due to low body temperature and basal metabolism that is common in Fibromyalgia patients, I don't know. Maybe some patients who were diagnosed with Fibromyalgia were actually severely hypothyroid. Maybe it is a problem but, right now, we just don't know. It's a shame that promising studies set themselves up for ridicule.

Why can't they just say, "another piece of the puzzle found."

Or, "study looks promising,

But, no......

Everyone else is stupid

And the cure was right under their noses.

So far, no one has been cured of Fibromyalgia,

But we can!!

(oops, the website with the proof is gone)

Is there any reason this shouldn't be suspect?

The thyroid science study link

MORE THAN A FEELING

I really miss writing.

I just can't think of anything.

I feel like a blob.

It's been a rough month. I'm trying to get my thyroid under control but it takes a long time for the medication to really kick in. Then I wasn't on the right strength and now I'm taking a separate T3 and T4 medication.

I think I'm starting to make headway.

But it's been real rough.

I've had my nails done since I was 16. I got fake nails for my birthday and I never looked back. Imagine my chagrin when the nail liquid caused a reaction that wasn't pretty. I got a reaction that looked like a real bad eczema all over the tips of my fingers. The skin would peel and then they became sensitive. Real sensitive.

So, I had my nails taken off to let my hands heal. 

Couple that with feeling like roadkill. So let's get this straight. I'm gaining weight.....due to the thyroid. I can't sleep....wait...is that due to the Fibro or the thyroid???? My body aches all over...again, due to the Fibro or the thyroid??

Now my hands have to look like crap?

Great.

Let's add a tiara.

I've looked at my blog and had posts in my head. Every time I sat down I thought, "I need to write about this." Then I couldn't think of anything to say. Even as I sit here I feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to my body and beat the crap out of it.

My 61st birthday is this month and I hate it. Everyone says I don't look it but as I look in the mirror I see a woman that needs to lose 25 pounds. I look at my hands and my nails look like crapola.  Then I look in the mirror and see a woman who's attitude is in the toilet.

I want to go back to the gym. ( I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT) Believe it or not, the movement does make me feel better. It's just at this point I will cry through the workout.....I hurt that bad. I want to be able to enjoy this time of my life. Right now all I'm thankful for is my bed and my comfy pillows.

I guess I can be thankful for one thing.

I don't need a facelift.

However, I wouldn't mind one of those lifestyle lifts........

Yes I would......the pain wouldn't feel good and I'm afraid I'd look like the joker.

Am I rambling?????

OK....back to bed.

Did I mention it's been humid???

RUNNING ON EMPTY

Just what I feel like.

Just what I'm doing.

I have been dealing with the puzzle of a thyroid that's attacking itself, nodules on my thyroid and a lovely flare that has knocked me on my fanny.

I can't seem to keep my eyes open. I've been sleeping 12-14 hours a day. Normally, I wouldn't mind that but it's been forced on me. My skin looks like alligator skin and it has started to itch. There's a little difficulty swallowing but the one doctor I went to "isn't real concerned about it."

ISN'T REAL CONCERNED?

I feel like crap. 

Let me rephrase.

I feel like something that crap brought in. 

So let's examine the evidence. 

I'm real tired. I'm tired enough that I can fall asleep mid-sentence. 

I'm moving so slow that a slug moves at mach speed.

I feel like I'm going through menopause again. One minute I'm hot and the next I'm cold.

I'm going through lotion like crazy but still have that alligator look.

I'm gaining weight. (THAT IS BAD. I CAN DEAL WITH THE REST BUT THIS????)

I ache more than usual.

My skin is peeling underneath my nails.

My hair is shedding worse than Buster's.

I'm craving carbs. (Ok.....so what??)

I can't remember my own name at times.

I feel like a vampire because I hate the light.

All of this points to problems with the thyroid. This brings me to an interesting topic that I'll write when I can pick my head up. The symptoms of thyroid problems mimick Fibromyalgia.

So I'll write....

What came first the chicken or the egg?

Thyroid of Fibro??

I'm going back to bed.

SEVEN INCHES FROM THE SUN

110 degrees.

Under the eaves.

In the shade.

I've never liked the heat and I like it even less now. You'd think that after 48 years in Las Vegas that I would get used to the desert heat.

Nope.

Not for a minute.

I didn't mind it as much when I was in the pool on a raft but with the onset of age and some common sense, I stopped baking in the sun. Then, when I was working, I spent a great deal of the day in the sales office. I only ventured outside when I couldn't talk anyone into not looking at their home site in the middle of the day. 

Since the thyroid regulates temperature is it still a by-product of the autoimmune issues I have with it? I take enough thyroid medication to keep it in the "normal" range but maybe it isn't enough. All I know is that the heat makes me feel awful.  At least I will be getting some of that natural Vitamin D. Did you catch the sarcasm of that last statement?

We're going to have excessive heat this week. I wasn't kidding about the 110 degrees. The official heat is measured at our airport under the eave in the shade. Really. In all actuality it will probably be 117 in the lower parts of the valley. This kind of heat is smothering. The temperature in the car can easily get to 140. You don't mess around with those kind of temperatures.

You have to plan any errands in the "cooler" part of the day. That means before 10 in the morning and after 7 at night. Even then I take a cooler with me to the store because a quick trip can mean frozen food can start to thaw. Sunglasses are a must if you have light sensitivity (which I do). 

So I'm hibernating this week and praying that the heat will break, otherwise, it's going to be a doozy of a summer. That doesn't take into account the amount of money I'll be donating to Nevada Power.

Gee, I can't wait.

So here I am wishing I was in Antarctica.

But.......

it's a dry heat.

WALK ONE MORE MILE IN MY SHOES

May 12.

It's Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.

Let's go for a walk.

We're invisible and we wear our cloak of invisibility like a dark shroud around our shoulders. It's distinctively different from the smile that masks a life full of pain. On the one hand we treasure our invisibility because we wouldn't want the outside to look like we do on the inside. On the other hand, we are not to be believed because we just don't look that bad.

To anyone else, that is.

After all, what is pain? 

It's no big deal, really. We are supposed to suck it up and not be such a wuss. Pain equals weakness and weakness is hated. For those of us who were Type A squared, the loss of control that has accompanied this illness has almost been as devastating as the illness itself. To top it all off, we don't know if we'll ever get it back. This illness takes a vital, ambitious and, excuse the language, balls to the wall woman and turns her into something that can't remember why she walked into a room. Everything that used to be precious to her life; her career, her mental acumen, her body and her confidence in herself and her abilities, are now a vague recollection. Even when you can remember all it does is make you cry for the person you used to be.

Can anyone understand that the tears we cry are not only for pain but for the endless frustration that we feel? We have a myriad of symptoms that are dismissed by doctors. Medications are hit and miss and most of them have side effects that are worse than the pain we feel. We've tried anti-depressants and anti-seizure medications. We've tried the opiates. We've tried muscle relaxers. We've tried vitamins, acupuncture and massage. If we complain too much, we're neurotic. If we try to keep it too ourselves, well, we must not really feel that bad.

How do you tell someone that you really miss the life you used to have? A life that was pain free and a life that could be lived without worrying about the inevitable crash to come? How do you express your pain in a way that's not dismissive and not pitied, but believed? How do convey the fact that you're not wallowing in your pain but that it is your reality and you're really doing the best you can to live with it?

How do we ourselves understand the new crop of symptoms that seem to appear daily? For some it's sensitivity to smells, noise or chemicals. For others it might be a mysterious ache or pain that suddenly appears in a different part of our body. How do we know what is going on in our bodies? We can't have a doctor on speed dial and we fear looking foolish, even to ourselves. Our body seems to be betraying us and we just can't seem to get a handle on it. We feel overwhelmed and then feel stupid because what we used to handle would cause most people to burn out quickly.

We feel isolated even around our dearest friends and family. Chronic pain loves to play with our  emotions and it plays us like the virtuoso that it is. We doubt our bodies and ourselves. The confidence that we had with life is now diminished so that we don't even recognize the person we've become. Sometimes even we believe the bad press;  think we are whiners and if we'd just get up and move around we'd feel better. 

Our brains are in a constant state of fog. The overpowering fatigue and pain. Imagine living with the worst flu you've ever had and then imagine that it NEVER goes away. Year, after year, after year. How do you think you'd feel given that life sentence? Yes, there are good days but good days mean the edge is off the pain and fatigue. It never really goes away. Your body has limitations and we've learned to listen.


When will researchers try to figure out why the switch was flipped?  I feel that this is a neurological disorder. Where others feel a touch, we feel pain. There is too much Substance P (this heightens the awareness to pain) in our spinal fluid. We have abnormally high levels of glutamate (and excitatory neurotransmitter) which means our neurotransmitters are on overdrive. Our internal amplifier is turned up full blast.  In other words, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG.

Let's also not forget the sleep disorder that is also one of the lovely symptoms of Fibromyalgia. Alpha wave intrusion. The nice, sweet sounding term for our "awake" brain waves that keep saying hello to us in the middle of the night so that deep, restorative sleep is an impossibility. The fatigue we experience is overpowering, however, we cannot find the sleep that our body so desperately needs. Our brains will not allow it.


There are lists and lists of symptoms. There are the intestinal woes, thyroid and other hormonal issues. Even I look at the list and think it's no wonder people think we're crazy. I haven't even touched on the emotional issues that are inevitable when you live with chronic pain. 

It's so difficult to find the acceptance we crave. On one hand we do accept our physical and emotional limitations but one the other we keep fighting. We are the wounded warriors that want to fight the good fight until this illness is defeated. 

But sometimes we can't.


Sometimes it just hurts too much.


And sometimes we're just too, too tired.

JAGGED LITTLE PILL

Pills.

Supplements.

This is what I feel I'm made of.

Just one more.

Maybe the next one will do the trick.

I feel like all I do is take pills. When I wake up in the morning I take pills and when I go to sleep at night I take pills. It doesn't matter that they are all prescribed or supplements. It's just more pills than I can handle.

Where do I start? Well, let's start with the thyroid medication in the morning. Before the car accident I went to the neurologist because my hands were cold and tingling. The neurologist wanted me to get an MRI to rule out neurological problems that could cause those symptoms. It turns out that it was my thyroid. And I was hypothyroid with a vengeance. I thought that once I started the medication I'd lose weight. It didn't matter to me in the slightest that the tingling and coldness in my hands went away. All I cared was the weight that I couldn't seem to lose would come off once I started the medication. Maybe I'm naive but if the weight stays because your thyroid is off balance it stands to reason, at least in my mind, that once it's regulated the weight would come off. I still don't get it.

After that, the supplements are taken en-mass. The alphabet vitamins. The A,B,C,D and E.,  DHEA, CoQ10, multi-vitamins are gulped down with a protein drink. Every morning I look at those and just wonder if I can swallow them again. Pain medication is taken so the stiffness and pain that comes in the morning can be tolerated. You know what's funny? I have been asked why the strength of the pain medication that I've been taking for years is the same. That is a really easy question for me to answer. I've always been afraid of the amount of medication that I'd have to take to get rid of the pain.  I don't want to be zonked out and a zombie. It's just not a good place to be so I've resisted upping the strength of the pain medication. It's a double edged sword.  It's almost implying that if I'm on the same strength the pain must be the same and that's not it at all. It's fear plain and simple. Well, let's keep going on.............

Then comes the morning coffee. Or some semblance thereof. My coffee is mostly vanilla powder and sweet and low mixed with a little bit of coffee. My daughter shudders when she watches me make my "coffee." 

Do the supplements work? I don't notice any difference but, funnily enough, I am a little afraid to stop taking them. After all of the pill taking I massage Topricin in my hands and feet. Believe it or not, this is what it takes to get moving in the morning. 


If you haven't tried Topricin you should. It's a homeopathic cream for pain. I got it a Whole Foods but you can also buy it online. I've included the link so just click on the name and you can read all about it. Topricin recently received a patent for the treatment of Fibromyalgia pain. It's an amazing product and it really seems to help.


By the time the evening arrives it's time for the last round of medication. The evening includes magnesium, pain medication and muscle relaxers. I try to get through the day without loading up on the muscle relaxers but that depends on the severity of the muscle spasms. Then I start the ritual for sleep. This involves lavender aromatherapy and pillow spray. Lavender vanilla cream is massaged into my arms and then I take Mid Nites. They are melatonin melt away pills that help me relax and drift off into sleep. 


Well, do they really?  


I still have a problem sleeping. I can sleep for a few hours and then I'm up. Where I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat before.......well, there are a lot of things that I used to do BEFORE.....


Before what you ask?


Before Fibromyalgia.
Before the car accident.
Just before. B-4??


Bingo.

SUMMER SUN BUT NOT SUMMER FUN

Here comes the heat.

This weekend the temperature is supposed to get to 108. I guess I'm now living in the seventh level of hell. I know that the heat is better than humidity but this is just horrible. The good thing is that I won't have to leave the house. Just point your hair dryer at your face and stand there. Well, at least it's a dry heat.

I think one of the things I hate the most about all of this is the fact that I'm not exactly in swimsuit shape. One of the things I hate the most? Untrue. I can make a list but this fat crap is right up there in the top ten. It started with the Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. This thing still isn't under control. When I had my appendix out I didn't eat for 4 days. Do you think I lost one fricking pound? 

Nope. 

Nada.

Zip.

I really don't eat crap so this thing has been really hard on me. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing fat. Chronic pain really screws with your head so adding the physical changes that happen when your thyroid malfunctions doesn't help at all. I really thought that when I started taking the thyroid medication my body would even itself out and I would be able to lose some of this weight. Again.............. 

Nope.

Nada.

Zip.

I read that I must eat in order to lose weight. So far it hasn't worked. Eating doesn't work and starving doesn't work. What will work? If anyone has any ideas let me know because even though I know that I should not be defined by a dress size my heart does not believe that. So as the sweltering heat arrives and I start to melt I will not be in a swimsuit. I don't think I could look in a mirror on that one.

On top of it all the pain has crept back into the picture. I had a pretty good day and by the evening my muscles started twitching and my body just hurts all over. Pain and heat; my disposition should be wonderful. I hate being hot so coupled with the fact that I don't feel good I can see that the summer months should not be the time to mess with me. Let's see, I hate being hot, cold, in pain, the humidity and being fat. Is there anything I like at this point? Hmmmm....nope.

I've got such a great attitude about this, don't I?

Wait, I get better.

THYROID AND FIBRO AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS

These are a few of my favorite things..........

I have slowly come to the realization that if my body isn't happy I won't be either.

It has been an icky day. I've been looking in the mirror and that isn't healthy for my psyche. It started when my daughter went to the endocrinologist. She had an appointment this morning because she's starting to display the lovely symptoms that I have. Apparently, this thyroid crapola which includes the Autoimmune Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (which I will abbreviate to AHT because I hate typing that out for some reason) and hypothyroidism is inherited from the maternal side of the family. Lucky her, huh? Well, lucky me as well because my mother must have had issues with her thyroid. I don't know much about my medical history so that is the first concrete piece of evidence that I've ever had.

Anyway she got on the scale at the doctor's office and flipped out. She's texting while she's sitting in the room waiting for the doctor telling me her weight and she feels like she wants to throw up (figuratively, of course)! She hates her hips and thighs. Anything over 125 really depresses her and it was over that number.  Let me give you a visual. My daughter has very healthy eating habits. She works out with both strength and cardio routines several times a week. She should be a twig and she's been struggling with weight gain. I can understand part of my weight gain because of age, inactivity and the thyroid but her? She should be a twig. Then there's the hair issues. She's losing eyelashes and the ends of her eyebrows. Yep, that's a sign but I think I'd rather continue with that than the hair loss I've got. Funny, I can lose hair on parts of my body........I have very little hair on my legs and arms........but do you think that would also apply to my chin? Or to my upper lip?


No. Not only no, but hell no.

Part of the legacy that I've passed on are body image issues that plagues most of the female population. We cannot handle imperfections in our body when it comes to dress size. We don't care if the average size is a 12. Truly, I couldn't care less. I want to be 115 like I was before. I don't like the way I look and that influences how I feel about myself. My daughter is the same way. She stands in front of the mirror and places her hands on her hips to shave off a few inches.  She wants smart lipo on her hips and then she'll be happy.

I hate to tell her that isn't the case. 

The day quickly comes that instead of hands on the hips will progress to hands on her face to see how many years can be shaved off if the turkey neck was gone. The swan-like grace that was once a profile has now become the gobbler. Again, body image and self image are all tied up in this neat little package. For me it's not an age thing. I don't mind laugh lines and I don't mind crows feet. I figure I've earned them. I wouldn't want to look all pulled and tortured trying to look 20 again. I don't want to look that young, I just don't want this fricking turkey neck.

So on the age issues let's add weight, thyroid, back injury, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. Sounds like a lovely package, doesn't it?

I really hate this crap today. I hate that my daughter has to go through this as well. I hate watching her hate her body because I know she got that from me. I hate the fact that watching her set me off too. I hate the fact that I don't have my life back and I hate constantly hurting. I hate the weather report because more rain is coming. I am just so tired of feeling like crap. I am so tired of wondering what I'm going to do with my life. I am so tired of mourning for what I had and grieving for what I've become. I'm tired of feeling like death warmed over. 

I just want a day where I don't look at the things I need to do in my house and letting another day go by because I just don't have the energy to get it done. I would like to exercise and walk instead of feeling like I've got lead weights on my legs.  I'd like to get a hug that was a real one instead of the pretend ones I get because it hurts. I'd like to clean my house without having to stop and rest. I'd like to run the vacuum without hurting. I'd like to know that on the days when my attitude isn't in the toilet that it would actually mean something to my physical well being. I'd like to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.

My girlfriend has a saying.............

Golden years, my ass.

NEW YEAR

New years day.


A time for reflection.


A time for resolution.

I really do try to keep my resolutions. I really do. I guess I'm just not a resolute kind of person. I make lists of things to do but, for some reason, I tend to forget that I have a list. Then when I forget that, everything else goes out the window.  It must be the brain fog that continually plagues me . 

Maybe this year I can remember that I want to lose the 25 lbs. that also vex my very soul. If it isn't bad enough that my self esteem has gone down the toilet, lets add a few pounds around my a** that will top it all off.

The immediate gratification problem has got to stop. I am addicted to peanut butter m&m's. I look at them and realize that they will end up right where I don't want them too but I feel powerless to control the craving. My endocrinologist told me this would happen until I got my thyroid under control. Salt and sugar cravings are a signal of hypothyroidism. I just think I should be stronger but it's a powerful craving. I wish I could forget these little buttons of joy just like I forget my lists. Right now, it isn't happening.

Tomorrow starts the diet day.

Tip #1

DO NOT BUY THE CANDY. IF I DON'T HAVE THEM I WON'T EAT THEM.

THYROID PART DEUX

Can I possibly get to the point where I'm on an even keel?

The appointment was interesting. When he walked in and listened to the litany of problems that I'm having with my body he started to respond but stopped himself and asked me a very simple question.

What is the main function of the human body?

I've never had anyone ask me that question. Fortunately, I didn't have to search my index cards for the answer.

The bodies main function is to survive.

The body is a pretty miraculous machine. The thyroid takes iodine that is found in many of the foods that we consume and convert it into thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3). The thyroid is the only organ in the body that can capture and absorb iodine.

Every cell is dependent upon the thyroid hormones to control and regulate your metabolism. It is controlled by the pituitary gland in the brain. It is responsible for the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) that converts it into T4 and T3.

When it comes to an autoimmune disease like Hashimoto's Thyroiditis your body is attacking the thyroid as if it were a foreign body. The problem, in very simple terms, is that your brain senses that the body is attacking an intruder. It shuts down the rest of the thyroid in order to preserve itself. There is no need for the strong T4 so it cuts down production. You go into a hypothyroid status and the myriad of symptoms begin. 


So now it starts to find out what will regulate my thyroid and bring back balance and order to my body. I start taking Levoxyl. I found it interesting that the endocrinolgist would not prescribe Armour Thyroid. It seems that the Levoxyl is indentical to the molecule produced by the body. In his words he found nothing natural about putting dessicated pig hormone into a human body so therefore, the Levoxyl could be called bio-identical.


He was very specific about one thing. He would not allow it to be replaced by a generic drug. He wanted it dispensed as written. Of course the pharmacy didn't stock it. They asked if they could substitute it and I refused. He wanted it that way for a reason. Sometimes generic can be off just enough to make the medication work at less than optimum and that would be enough to mess up the effectiveness of the treatment. I'm supposed to take it first thing in the morning with water before anything else. Then get ready for the day and by that time an hour should go by. At that point I can have coffee, breakfast or whatever. The reason for this is that nothing will be in the stomach to hinder it being absorbed by the body.


So here I am again taking thyroid and I hope this time it works.


He started to laugh because I didn't want to know anything about treatment.


All I want to know is will I lose weight.


At least I'm consistent.