Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2015? REALLY?

The days turn into weeks.
Turn into months.
Turn into years.

I must be getting old because time is moving much faster than I'd like. I can't believe another year has gone by. It seems like yesterday that I was reading about the calamities of Y2K and seeing the horror of 9-11. 

Where has it gone?

On the other hand, it seems like I've been in pain forever. I know that I was a person that didn't pay attention to symptoms and aches. I just don't remember that person; she's become a blur. I've always mourned that girl but as time goes on the reminder of her is diminished and the pain girl has taken her place. 

Why is that?

Is it because I've finally gone through those dreaded stages of grief and come to the acceptance phase? That doesn't sound good to me for some unknown reason. I've always been one that fought against the status quo. Is that the reason? Am I no longer fighting? That disturbs me.

So what have I written in years past? 

"First, I resolve to be a little more accepting of me. I know, I make this resolution every year but I think I need to be reminded of this every year.  OK, so I have limitations and pain kind of reminds me on a daily basis that it's there but......... 

Next, I need to be a little kinder to my body. I know that if I push I will pay but I still do it. I want to get things DONE! It's that pesky old Type A personality that has plagued me since birth that keeps coming out but..........

Also, I need to be patient and not make myself crazy because I'm frustrated. I need to stop and think "this too shall pass." No, I'm not going to get my wonderful memory back. It falls under the category of "oh well". 

What does this tell me?

It tells me that I don't listen to myself.

I shouldn't make resolutions.

And some things just don't change.

What would I tell you?

I would tell you to have a happy new year.

Let's hope for a year of peace.

Let's all be a little kinder to each other.

(ok, I stole that from Ellen)

Here's to 2015!

Thursday, December 25, 2014


It's Christmas Day.
It's windy and cold.
Need I say more?

I love Christmas. I love the season, decorating and buying presents. The rush of the malls and finding the right gifts is just part of my joy....then there's the food. 

Fast forward.

I think I've watched The Christmas Story, The Holiday, Scrooged, Christmas Vacation and Love Actually eighty jillion times. This is the first year I didn't decorate. Heck, I didn't even pull out the tree. I spent a couple of days shopping and that was it.

It was that bad.

So, in the spirit of the day,

I can truly say,

I hope you all have a wonderful and pain free day.

Keep the good cheer,

We will look forward to next year.

So bundle up and stay in

a little whipped cream on your chin...

That's all I've got.

Have a drink.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah and Seasons Greetings!!


Saturday, December 13, 2014


It's been cloudy,
it's been humid.

I continue to run my usual errands although with less frequency. To the casual observer I look like anyone else picking out vegetables at the grocery store. You will see me smile and engage in conversation. Only someone who knows me well or has a relationship with chronic pain will notice the stiffness of my shoulders as I walk or sees the slight grimace that I really try to hide as I bend over to pick up something that I will invariably drop. 

Usually, it's my keys.

It's there when I get out of bed in the morning. It tries to give me some hope that the day won't be one spent in a great deal of pain, however, by the time it's evening I know that was just a dream. It's been biding it's time, laying in wait and quietly staying in the background building to an agonizing crescendo that will prevent another night of sleep.

I know that "the experts" say weather does not impact chronic pain but I don't believe them. Not for one single minute. I knew the storm was coming a few days before it got here and with it came its best friend; the black hole. I've gotten pretty good at living with a fair amount of pain. I know it isn't going away anytime soon so on some small level I've accepted it. I do what I need to do and unless you touch me in one of the worst places on my body, my hip, I can manage.

It's when the pain progresses from voodoo pain to the OMG-make-it-stop pain that I have trouble.

Voodoo pain is the pain that I live with. I know that at any point in time someone is going to stab that little voodoo doll with a pin and I will feel a stabbing pain somewhere. If they hug and squeeze that little voodoo doll I'm going to have a dull ache all over my body. Again, this pain I've learned to handle. It's when the pain increases to whole other level; my whole body feels likes it's being compressed like a junk car that is being compressed to the size of a box of cornflakes. That voodoo doll? It's being stabbed all over....over and over again with a ferocious intensity. 

It is that pain that makes me crawl into bed.
It's that pain that turns suffering into isolation.

I'm glad I have people around me that understand and love me through it. I have to say there are times that the pain makes me wonder if this is worth it. Thank goodness it is a momentary thought that immediately goes away but it was enough to bring understanding and compassion for what others feel. Lyrica brought those thoughts and I had to stop taking it. Because of other pain issues I have to take opioids but I don't take enough pain medication to ease the pain. I only take enough to take the edge off. I'm too afraid of the power and control medication can bring and its power to destroy. I don't want to be seduced by the feeling that a pill can make it all go away. I've had a doctor give me medication that truly scared me and that was enough for me to get rid of it. I'd rather have pain than be a zombie.

So how should I spend my day? 

It's one of those cloudy, gloomy days that tends to make me introspective. I tend to think about the person I was before my introduction to chronic pain. I shouldn't go there. At all.
That's probably not the best use of my time. I can't change it so why dwell upon it? As the saying goes, "yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future and live for today, it's a gift, that's why they call it the present."  I know this but I don't understand it and I don't think I believe it. For me,  there has to be a balance between all of them. The past brought pain. It influenced the future. Which is the present. See what I mean?

Maybe I shouldn't think too much today.

Let's find something good about the weather.


Well, at least it's good for your skin.....


Didn't work.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


I'll admit.
I can be a tad gullible.
But this?
No way.

For those of us who have been lucky enough to have been inducted in the Chronic Pain Hall of Fame, I have stumbled upon a treatment that is easy, inexpensive and "WORKS!"

Can't you just feel the sarcasm?

This treatment involves isolating the painful point on your body and then covering it with tin foil. You should cover the painful point and keep it there all day and night for 12 days. Then take a break for ten days and repeat as necessary.

The tin foil has an anti-inflammatory effect. 

Now, I didn't find a lot of information about this and I'm not surprised. Let's look at this logically. We would have to make ourselves into the modern day mummy and totally wrap our entire bodies in foil. Most of us can't isolate a few spots that have pain. That fact alone makes this "treatment" unrealistic. Can't you just see wrapping yourself in foil from head to toe??

When I was sixteen someone told me that I could evade radar if I put tin foil in my hubcaps. So, what did I do?  I stuffed my hubcaps with the stuff and took off down the street. Speed limit? What speed limit?

Everything went well until I heard the sirens and saw flashing lights do a u-turn in my rear view mirror. Well, I did what any sixteen year old would do. I took off down the streets. To my credit, I lost the cops. I was lucky enough to find a detached garage with the door open. My niece and I hid in there until we were sure the danger had passed. 

Very slowly, I made my way home.

I just forgot ONE, TEENSY-WEENSIE little fact. My father had put my name on a personalized license plate. Fortunately, back then, Las Vegas was kind of like the wild west. By the time I got home the cops had already filled in my dad. Trust me, I would have preferred dealing with the police than my father.

I lost my keys and got grounded.

Last time I believed that tin foil could be the answer to my problems.

I can't believe I fell for it the first time.

So when I saw this.....

ask me if I believed it.