Saturday, December 31, 2011


This is kind of cool!!

I really have to thank the person that nominated me. I've always said that if one person walks away from reading my blog and is helped in some way, well, that's enough for me. So, to the one who nominated me, I can only say thank you.  It means a great deal!

Your nomination details:
Award: Hilarious Health Activist 2011 (  
Reason: She writes about the challenges that chronic illness can bring. She keeps me smiling through tough times!

Congrats! We hope you’ll join in the excitement and take a moment to nominate your own favorite Health Activists for any of the 10 Awards and share the program with your online community.

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I always uses to laugh at the Oscars when the nominees would be interviewed after the show and they'd say,

"It's an honor to be nominated."

That's so true.

It is an honor.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I know that we shouldn't do too much.
Having said that,
I offer my sincerest apologies to my body.

This time of year gets crazy. Partly, because it just is and partly because I tend to make it that way. I just love buying presents. I don't do it well because I get very excited and tend to give them before Christmas. Then I have to go out and buy some more gifts. This adds stress because my budget for presents is smaller this year.

I need to not shop until the very last day.

I love finding unusual gifts as well. My kids call them "my latest obsession." I use them as stocking stuffers and, to be honest, they're just goofy little gifts. One year it was dental dots and another year it was Blender Balls. 

Am I the only one that does this?

Anyway, since Christmas I've been staying close to home and close to my bed. My whole body feels like it's been run over by a truck or, as I like to refer to it; roadkill. I'm using this time to catch up and read blogs and articles that I haven't read in a long time. I feel like I've been neglecting my friends...well, I have been and I need to get back to them. My heart is heavy as I read how my friends feel right now.

This is a condition that plays with your mind. Chronic pain can bring with it all kinds of gadgets and it wants to set up housekeeping in your body. We still grieve for the life that we used to have but there is a difference between that and depression. 

Or feeling like we're utterly alone.

We go through this life blissfully unaware that at any moment our bodies could turn on us. When it does, it leaves us bewildered and afraid. The one thing we thought we could count on was our body. Is it any wonder that we don't know how to react?

We need to be very careful about the isolation that chronic pain brings to our lives. Isolation is depressions best friend. They want to lure us to that dark place and share with us its lies. It will tell us that this fight isn't worth it. It will whisper its lies to us every day and with every passing moment that lie gains a foothold on our minds. We have to remain vigilant.

That's where the battlefield is.

If there is one person out there that needs our strength then we need to be there for them. All of us lose our strength and will at times. We all need each other. We need each other to share our joys and triumphs and our laughter and tears.

I pray that the new year brings comfort and relief from our physical pain as well as our emotional pain.

I pray that the new year brings an avenue for each of us to realize and reach for our dreams all the while staying mindful that we need to recognize and accept our limitations.

I pray that the new year brings an awareness of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and the research necessary to find a cause and a cure.

I pray that the new year brings renewal and restoration to those that I know and love.

I pray that we're also a little bit kinder to ourselves.

Monday, December 19, 2011


Now I've heard it all.
And I'm shaking my head.

Has anyone heard about the Bee Sting Therapy? Now, I know we'll try a lot of things hoping to relieve the pain of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. I know that I'd probably wash my face in sewer water if it would help. There are many weird and alternative therapies that I'd try in hopes that the pain would say bye-bye.

But not in a million years would I try this.
What mastermind came up with this? 

Okay, let me get this straight. In a body that already has neurological pain issues, we are going to add to the mix, a bee placed on strategic points and let that lovely little creature sting us. Now, I don't know about you, but even before all of this chronic illness mess hit me, I would absolutely flip out before I'd let a bee sting me. Now that the pain thresholds are lowered, can you imagine how that would feel? What possible good could come from this?

I'd call whoever thought of this a Mensa candidate but sub-moron is too high for this group.

I wonder what these geniuses charge for this kind of therapy? Well, I googled it. One place had a deal. I could get acupuncture and apitherapy for an hour for $120 and other sites going as high as $500. Now, to be fair apitherapy uses bee products (all kinds) to treat medical conditions. Bee venom therapy is a part of that kind of therapy. I'll agree on some of the products but letting a bee sting me?

Not only no, but hell no.

There is another question that I need answered. This therapy states that the bee venom therapy is getting stung by bees in a "controlled setting." Can you tell me how that is going to be achieved? How can you possibly control bees? It must be that the bee stings trigger the bodies anti-inflammatory response. These people think that the bee stings will get your immune system up and running and fight the Fibromyalgia. I can't even type this with a straight face. I guess doctors have come out against this therapy because one of the little, tiny, very small, minor drawbacks is that too many bee stings can cause bodily harm and even death.

Sounds like anaphylactic shock to me. 
What a winner!

I guess you get anywhere from 20-40 stings per sessions and you do this three times a week. I also read that it's used for depression as well. Don't even get me started on that one! Nothing like getting over depression by letting bees sting your body. Can you even imagine the pain? Can you imagine the pain you're in by the time you hit 40 stings? I guess the disclosures state that there could be some "discomfort" from the stings. 

I think I'd rather have a massage.

I read that a study was done and the symptoms, believe it or not, GOT WORSE. Gee, ya think? The cost must be pretty high because people are ordering bees and administering the therapy themselves. (stupid)

I think it goes without saying that insurance won't cover this.

Also, there could be a minor issue (death) if you're allergic to bees.

Is this what they mean by the bees knees??

Sunday, December 18, 2011


Peering out cautiously.
Looking at the world.
Not sure.

I thought I knew my life path. I know that life can throw curve balls but I didn't expect them to be as strong and unrelenting as they have become. It feels like I'm coming to a crossroad and I'm not sure what way to go. I've never liked uncertainty and that quality has been a part of my personality for as long as I can remember. I feel comfortable knowing as much as I can about the people around me and my surroundings. I think that if I can then I can avert some of life's nasty surprises.


I'm just hanging today. I'm trying to figure out my next move. If life was a chess game, well, I'd be pretty close to being the master. I'm sitting here drinking Wild Sweet Orange Tea and contemplating my next move. I used to be in Starbucks every day and until I found out about Mocha's, I drank this tea every day. Then Starbucks changed it for this Orange Blossom green tea crap that tastes exactly as I just described it. 

It helps me think.

It keeps my body warm too. Lately, around 5ish, I start to get very cold. Very cold. I end up having to take a real hot shower or bath just to feel warm again. Is that weird? Please tell me that other people get cold in the late afternoon too. I feel that I have enough symptoms and to add even just one more to the list is overload.

Back to thinking.

It's amazing how quickly I can revert to Type A squared. When I start thinking I don't know when to just let go. My perfectionist tendencies kick in and then start to get the better of me. Why the hell don't I just stop? I know that when I do this the stress starts and then pain becomes my best friend again. 

I just need to knock it off.

It probably doesn't help that the weather isn't cooperating either. I woke up to the pitter-patter of little rain drops on my window last night and to a lovely little rainstorm this morning. I used to love the feel of the rain in the air. I still do but with plenty of caveats. I love the feel of rain in the air but it's going to hurt. Nope, that's not quite right. Maybe it should be, "I love the feel of rain in the air but my pain is going to go from a throb to OMG, please make it stop!"

That's about where it is today.

I think we need a new pain scale.

And it shouldn't stop at 10.

Rosemary and the magic barometer .....

Over and out.

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Rain is coming and I can feel it.
When I'm in pain I have a very low tolerance level.
Very low.
Like in none.

I've always loved being in sales which is pretty funny because I have a real cynical view of human nature. I love being around people but I'm also not surprised when they go off the deep end or act like a two year old. My personality is pretty strong and my friends either appreciate that fact or are themselves real strong. I've never understood game playing or acting like a baby. My friends are wonderful; even those friends that I've never met face to face. There is a strength of will that is there even through those times where they are curled up in pain or at their weakest point. We may have a very low pain threshold but we most definitely do not have a low pain tolerance. 

I've always said that Fibromyalgia is not an illness for sissies.

The rain is coming and I can feel it. My hands are starting to throb and the aches are starting to build. What makes it worse is that I'm a little stressed and that doesn't help at all. I'm still trying to find my zen place but, now, I've got all these little annoyances around me. They're like pesky little flies that I want to swat. It falls under stupid little games that I didn't even play as a teenager. In one respect it's annoying and on the other it's laughable.

Anyway, back to feeling like cow plop.

I went to the holiday support group holiday luncheon and most of us are in the same boat. I started thinking. Light and sound sensitivity. Pain and fatigue. Is it seasonal or just that the cold weather has really started to set in? I wish this was a simple "syndrome" where an aspirin and a good nights sleep would fix what ails us. The flares are tough. Real tough.

I've learned that I have to live with only a certain amount of marbles in the jar. Every act and every stressful moment takes marbles out of the jar. I have to be careful of my reserves and be mindful of the acts that do that. Managing my life's physical and emotional needs takes a great amount of discipline. I need to take the fact that this is chronic; not only keep that fact in my head but in my heart. I really have to get it together.

Actually the pain is really starting to piss me off.

I guess I need to get a better attitude. If it really reflected the pain I feel right now the toilet would be a step up. I get really tired of having to take pain medication just to get to the fricking gym. I want to tell you that as much as they say that exercise helps the pain, I can say with absolute certainty that it doesn't. The only thing it's done is increase my endurance. OK.....the little side benefit of looking good in my clothes helps, but pain is pain. It hasn't gone away and I don't think it's going to.

Please don't tell me that I don't look sick. If I looked like I felt I'd scare dogs and little children. As far as the exercise goes, I've almost fallen asleep on the treadmill. I especially like the way I feel afterwards. I feel like roadkill. When people think that Fibromyalgia can't be that bad I'd like to tell them to give someone a baseball bat and have them beat the hell out of them every day and then tell me it can't be that bad.

It is what it is what it is.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

that this is not the time to irritate me.

Patience has never been my long suit.

It certainly isn't now.

Friday, December 2, 2011


We're in shackles.
It's what we carry with us always.

I'll never forget the day I went to the neurologist and she suspected Fibromyalgia. She wanted me to get a brain MRI to rule out MS. I was terrified and got the results of the tests before she did. It was negative for any lesions on the brain so MS was ruled out. She told me that she almost wished I had it so it would be better defined than what I was going to be stuck with. It was said with a sense of defeat because she knew the battles that people with Fibromyalgia face. Believe me, I'm not minimizing MS by any stretch of the imagination but there is better funding for research and it has the backing of the full faith and credit of the medical community.

I felt like the world was closing in on me. In one sense it was. I've never been real fond of change and the changes that were happening because of a car accident and subsequent diagnosis of Fibromyalgia were truly life changing. 

I don't do real well with that.

I'm not a real open person. I've always been very, very private. I guess you could say that unless you know me real well, you don't really know me. The persona is solid and it's very difficult to let people in. I know I have issues and little by little I deal with them. I'd never be labeled "the great communicator."

Instead of hiding from my fears, I've basically asked them to tea.

I've accepted certain things about myself. What happened in the past is just that. I can't do anything about the past but I can certainly do something about my reactions to those triggers. That's probably one of the best things that I can say about being shackled by Fibromyalgia. It's opened me up to a medium where I'm forced to reveal me. It's absolutely mind boggling to me that I've been able to write about issues and fears. Not only can I write about them, I have no hesitation about posting these articles. I've discovered a great deal about myself and I've tapped into a creative side that I kept inside for so long.

I'll probably never be thankful that a car accident brought chaos and havoc to my life but maybe one day I will. I guess I'll never know until that day comes. What I can say is that no matter what door gets slammed shut I believe that God will open a window. Even on the days where I'm curled up in pain I know that I have a life purpose. Knowing that I can touch someones life, even one person's life, is a true joy.

I'm trying to convince myself of finding that joy deep inside right now. The humidity is 44% and snow is actually predicted for the higher end of town where I live. There were high wind warnings and some of the wind gusts were actually hurricane strength. Yesterday it was almost 70 degrees and today there was snow. 

So after all of this, what does it mean?

For me it means that I still feel shackled and chained by the pain and fatigue that accompanies this invisible disease. I still feel that I have limitations on my body and limitations on what I am able to do on a daily basis. I still feel like a real old lady at times with the creaks and pops that my body makes. I still feel like I've been hit with a baseball bat when the muscles spasms start in my legs. 


As much as I feel shackled and chain I also know that I hold the key to my survival. I can make choices that will help with the management of pain. I can write and keep my emotional health on the upswing as well as my physical health. Anyone with a chronic illness needs to find sustenance to guide you through the pain, fatigue, disappointment and frustration that seems to follow us around. So, see the lock that keeps the chains wrapped tightly around us? We can turn the key. It may not get rid of all of them but at least we are the one that holds the key.

It's a good thing that I had brothers.

And that one of them taught me how to pick a lock.

Just sayin...........