HAPPY FATHER'S DAY 2015

It has been 41 years.

Some days it seems like yesterday.

No question about it. I was a daddy's girl and proud of it. I still remember the day I found out that he was sick. I remember sitting by the window in Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital nestled in his shoulder crying my eyes out. There was nothing that he could say or do that would make this any better. He had always been able to fix anything for me.

But he couldn't fix this.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. The loss of my dad had such a huge impact on me. I didn't think anything or anyone could take his place in my heart. He pushed me because he knew that I needed to be pushed. He was tough and he was fair. Justice was a big part of his personality and he passed that on to me. He made me focus because he knew that I could sometimes be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what.

He sang "there she is, Miss America" when I walked in the room.

I've tried to pass those kind of memories on to my daughter. There is something special about that kind of relationship and he would have absolutely adored her. I don't have a lot of regrets about life but I do regret that he couldn't have known her. If he spoiled me that is only a small speck compared to what he would have done with her. She would have been the apple of his eye.

So, another Father's Day without him has come and with it a little piece of my heart still breaks. 

But, I am so thankful that I had a father that I could hold dear to my heart. 

I have wonderful memories that are such a part of me and that now make me smile.

Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Miss you?

Doesn't even come close...............

HAPPY DADDY'S DAY

It has been 38 years.

Some days it seems like yesterday.

No question about it. I was a daddy's girl and proud of it. I still remember the day I found out that he was sick. I remember sitting by the window in Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital nestled in his shoulder crying my eyes out. There was nothing that he could say or do that would make this any better. He had always been able to fix anything for me.

But he couldn't fix this.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. The loss of my dad had such a huge impact on me. I didn't think anything or anyone could take his place in my heart. He pushed me because he knew that I needed to be pushed. He was tough and he was fair. Justice was a big part of his personality and he passed that on to me. He made me focus because he knew that I could sometimes be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what.

He sang "there she is, Miss America" when I walked in the room.

I've tried to pass those kind of memories on to my daughter. There is something special about that kind of relationship and he would have absolutely adored her. I don't have a lot of regrets about life but I do regret that he couldn't have known her. If he spoiled me that is only a small speck compared to what he would have done with her. She would have been the apple of his eye.

So, another Father's Day without him has come and with it a little piece of my heart still breaks. 

But, I am so thankful that I had a father that I could hold dear to my heart. 

I have wonderful memories that are such a part of me and that now make me smile.

Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Miss you?

Doesn't even come close...............

THANKS, DAD.

Father's Day

It's a tough day for me.

He's not here.

This is still a tough day for me because I was always a Daddy's Girl and I have wonderful memories of my dad. He was tough because he knew I could conquer any challenge put before me. He was fair because justice was played a huge part of his character. He pushed me because he knew I needed to be pushed. He made me focus when I would be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what I did.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. He was diagnosed with advanced brain and lung cancer in May and was gone by the end of July. It's one of those weird moments because you think your parents will always be there. Well, you know not always  but not until you're waaaaay older.

I got my first taste of mortality right before 21 and I didn't like it. I took it out on everyone when he died and it changed me. I realized then that life and relationships were not permanent and I steeled myself against further loss. It didn't matter because my mother died 3 years later. That served to cement that thought in my mind even further. 

Don't get too close because they will only leave you.

It took a long time to get through that and I'm not sure that I don't have some of the remnants of that left. 

I have especially missed him once I had my daughter. You know, it's the milestones when you miss them the most. I know how he treated his other grandchildren and Danielle would have been the apple of his eye. If I spoiled her that's nothing compared to what he would have done with her. 

So another Father's Day has come and gone. I can only wish that Danielle's father would show that kind of interest in her. Having that relationship was so special and I think it's great for a girl to be spoiled by her dad. I'm thankful that I had the kind of upbringing that I had and I miss him especially on day's like today. 

So, thanks Dad, for everything. 

I miss you.