Thursday, January 12, 2012
Slow and steady.
Go with the flow.
Stay the course.
I've never been big on changing my mind. Never liked changing the rules in the middle of the game. Never really liked change. There are people that are risk takers. They enjoy the thrill of not-knowing and just the thought of something surprising around the corner causes their heart to flitter-flutter in anticipation. These people are skilled in the art of the leap of faith.
I'm not one of them.
I like predictability. It's comforting for me to know my course of action. I'm reassured when all the stones fall into place. The only change I like is rearranging furniture. My former husband used to come in and trip over the ottoman that wasn't supposed to be where I placed it. It's strange....my personality speaks risk taker but that is so far from the truth. I really like order, security and predictability.
As I've gotten older, I've gotten worse.
As I've said before, chronic illness plays with your head in the best of circumstances, let alone what I've been hit with since this started. It's been like a category 4 hurricane that has ravaged a good portion of my life. It's been three years and I'm just now starting to come out of it. The last domino has fallen and now I'm getting ready to move. Physically, I'm scared because I don't know what my body can handle. Moving is one of the most stressful things that you can do in this life; well, besides death, divorce and buying a home. So I'll be combining two biggies. Let's face it, Fibromyalgia has brought quite a few stressful "biggies" into my world since it arrived. Couple this with the ever-waiting boom that can fall at any moment and bring a relatively calm day that is about a 4-5 on a pain scale to OMG!
There's not a lot of security when faced with chronic illness,.
So the nice, easy current of my life has had a real nasty undertow. It's time to change course so I can get out of the water. This hasn't been an easy process for me. Relationships have come and gone. Jobs have come and gone. Money has come and gone. Homes have come and gone.
I have to say one thing though.
Through all the chaos and havoc, I have been truly blessed.
I can recover.
I've been thrown back on the shore.