Tuesday, April 7, 2015


One day it's 90.
The next night?
It's 49 degrees.
It just never stops, does it?

I shouldn't say too much about the weather change. I mean, really, I should be thankful. It isn't humid, or raining or snowing or freezing.  When it's 90 degrees I'm not a happy camper in Fort Stinking Desert or FSD as I call it. For starters, I know some people have trouble with the cold but I'm not one of them. I figure if I'm cold just pile on sweaters or comforters. If I'm too hot??? You can only peel down so far and you're still hot.

Ok, I'm rambling....
On too the next thought.......

Right now Fibromyalgia has been described as a neurosensory disorder characterized, in part, by abnormalities in the central nervous system pain processing center. The central nervous system (CNS) consisting of the  brain and spinal cord, are easily injured by accidents or stress. Studies show that people with trauma are 13% more likely to develop Fibromyalgia. Also stress, whether it is from emotional, physical or chemical means, is a cause of this disease.

Trauma and Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia stemming from cervical or any kind of trauma is still very controversial in the medical community. One of my doctors doesn't believe it; one of them does believe that trauma from my auto accident is the cause. I truly believe the trauma from the accident that I had tipped the scale in Fibromyalgia's favor. I was so different 5 years ago. I wanted to move around and through any back pain that I had. I wore heels; high ones. I swore I'd never leave them behind.  Yeah, right. I look in my closet and cannot bear to get rid of them.

The humidity and the subsequent pain that it brings gets me a little moody and introspective. When I start to think about how different my life is today I then go from slightly moody to really pissed off. Sitting on my fanny or curled up in bed in pain isn't my idea of a good time. I don't like to be around a lot of people that know me because they see the difference in me and I hate the pity. Ok, this falls under AFGO. (another fu***ing growth opportunity)

Attention seekers.

I know that some people revel in the fact that they are chronically ill. It gives them the attention they crave. If they didn't find it in illness they would find it in something else. There is not a  question in my mind about it. I do not think that most people fall into this category at all, but the few that do taint it for everyone else. The problem is a two-edged sword. If you lay in bed because you hurt, you're a drama queen over-exaggerating your condition. If you get up and try to fight it then you're able to do something and it's not a disabling condition. It seems that you just can't win.

Life Sentence not Death Sentence.

No, this isn't an illness that will disappear after a round of antibiotics. This will be with me for the rest of my life. Being in jail handcuffed and bound is so tough to take. There will be limitations on my body and my psyche. There are days that I deal with it well and there are days that I don't. I think that I have to go through the process of grieving for the life that I once had but when does the process stop? I can't get to the acceptance stage and be done with it.  I can't worry about the loss and I have to be able to dig deep down and not be somewhat bitter about it.  I have to find something to do and I realize it isn't going to be what I once loved. What I used to do is too physically and emotionally taxing for me to handle at this point in my life. It was a life of stress squared, so I'm gradually learning how to leave it behind and search for another creative outlet. You'd think after five years I'd be able to do that. 


it has a category.

It falls under......again......


(another fu**ing growth opportunity).

I'm tired of them........

But, I just never seem to learn.


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