Saturday, July 18, 2015
I haven't been up to writing.
The weather has changed.
I don't know which direction to go.
I guess east is nice.
I went to the painting class last night and I had a great time. I didn't buy anything although I wanted to go back to this place A LOT. I'm just glad there wasn't anything to buy otherwise I would have come home with a lot of paint and canvas.
Thank goodness for little miracles.
Having said that, it must be the fog or writers block or something. I have drafts started that I just couldn't complete. It's scary when you look up and have to open up the databanks and desperately search for the thought you were trying to process. It's scary when you look at a page of words and wonder if you can comprehend complex sentences ever again. It's scary when you walk into a room and can't remember why you went in there in the first place.
It's very scary when you arrive at your destination and wonder how you got there. You wonder if the insomnia is shrinking your brain cells. Restorative sleep is hard to get with Fibromyalgia but it's that refreshing rest that helps manage the Fibro fog. I find that it helps to break up tasks or reading into small blocks. That way when the fog envelops your brain you don't give in to the stress of losing it.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I finally got to sleep at 12:30 and by 2:00 I was up and unable to go back to sleep. I'd shut my eyes but it wasn't happening. It was alpha wave intrusion at it's finest. Finally at 6:00 a.m. I finally closed my eyes and woke up at 9:30. I hate not being able to sleep. It causes so much more pain during the day.
What is prescribed as behavioral modifications for the treatment of insomnia doesn't seem to me to be particularly helpful to someone with Fibromyalgia. I understand what the intent is but for me it just wouldn't work. Actually, it would make it worse. For example, let's just take no TV, phone or computer while lying in bed. Ok, let me think about this. If I'm in a great deal of pain and I'm in bed that means I have nothing to distract me. All I will do is be in bed and have nothing to think about but the pain.
Nope, that won't work.
So, today I'm just going to take it easy and try to remember that "this too shall pass."
As I look outside.......
I see rain clouds.
Well, isn't that just great.