Sunday, June 20, 2010


Father's Day
It's a tough day for me.
He's not here.

This is still a tough day for me because I was always a Daddy's Girl and I have wonderful memories of my dad. He was tough because he knew I could conquer any challenge put before me. He was fair because justice was played a huge part of his character. He pushed me because he knew I needed to be pushed. He made me focus when I would be scattered. He was proud of me no matter what I did.

It was one of life's defining moments for me when he died. He was diagnosed with advanced brain and lung cancer in May and was gone by the end of July. It's one of those weird moments because you think your parents will always be there. Well, you know not always  but not until you're waaaaay older.

I got my first taste of mortality right before 21 and I didn't like it. I took it out on everyone when he died and it changed me. I realized then that life and relationships were not permanent and I steeled myself against further loss. It didn't matter because my mother died 3 years later. That served to cement that thought in my mind even further. 

Don't get too close because they will only leave you.

It took a long time to get through that and I'm not sure that I don't have some of the remnants of that left. 

I have especially missed him once I had my daughter. You know, it's the milestones when you miss them the most. I know how he treated his other grandchildren and Danielle would have been the apple of his eye. If I spoiled her that's nothing compared to what he would have done with her. 

So another Father's Day has come and gone. I can only wish that Danielle's father would show that kind of interest in her. Having that relationship was so special and I think it's great for a girl to be spoiled by her dad. I'm thankful that I had the kind of upbringing that I had and I miss him especially on day's like today. 

So, thanks Dad, for everything. 

I miss you.


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