Our brains are in a constant state of fog. The overpowering fatigue and pain. Imagine living with the worst flu you've ever had and then imagine that it NEVER goes away. Year, after year, after year. How do you think you'd feel given that life sentence? Yes, there are good days but good days mean the edge is off the pain and fatigue. It never really goes away. Your body has limitations and we've learned to listen.
When will researchers try to figure out why the switch was flipped? I feel that this is a neurological disorder. Where others feel a touch, we feel pain. There is too much Substance P (this heightens the awareness to pain) in our spinal fluid. We have abnormally high levels of glutamate (and excitatory neurotransmitter) which means our neurotransmitters are on overdrive. Our internal amplifier is turned up full blast. In other words, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG.
Let's also not forget the sleep disorder that is also one of the lovely symptoms of Fibromyalgia. Alpha wave intrusion. The nice, sweet sounding term for our "awake" brain waves that keep saying hello to us in the middle of the night so that deep, restorative sleep is an impossibility. The fatigue we experience is overpowering, however, we cannot find the sleep that our body so desperately needs. Our brains will not allow it.
There are lists and lists of symptoms. There are the intestinal woes, thyroid and other hormonal issues. Even I look at the list and think it's no wonder people think we're crazy. I haven't even touched on the emotional issues that are inevitable when you live with chronic pain.
It's so difficult to find the acceptance we crave. On one hand we do accept our physical and emotional limitations but one the other we keep fighting. We are the wounded warriors that want to fight the good fight until this illness is defeated.
Sometimes it just hurts too much.
And sometimes we're just too, too tired.