Friday, October 21, 2011


I forgot the phrase.
If you play you will pay.
Today, I was reminded of that fact.

I had friends in town this week and I can feel every minute of it. On the one hand, it was wonderful to see friends that I've had for over forty years. Our high school class was rather unique. Even though we've gone our own way through life, a connection still remains. It's an easy camaraderie; and a knowledge that no how many miles separate us or how much times goes by, we can pick up a phone and we'd all be there for each other.

We went to dinner, lunches and on drives.
I'm exhausted.

I can't imagine living life in the fast lane again. As much as I'd like to be able to move at the speed of sound again, it just isn't happening. I felt like I was on overload. We took some pictures and I looked at myself happy and smiling. 

I felt like a fake.

I fell into the usual trap. When asked how I was feeling I just replied, "fine." Nothing could have been farther from the truth. I'd get in the shower and when the water hit me it felt like it was battering my body. I'd get dressed and the clothes hurt. I really tried to put everything aside and concentrate on how wonderful it was to be with them but it just didn't work. After I took one of them to the airport, I drove home and slithered like a boneless mass of jelly into my bed. 

I know that the exercise has helped me but combined with the hectic pace of the last few days, I was toast. 

Why is that?

Could the flare have been caused by the sudden intense stress that I felt when I realized that I forgot my ipad in the rental car?  The stress when I realized we had dropped it off over an hour before I missed it? Or by praying that I didn't get stopped by a police officer when I was driving 90 down the freeway? Or wanting to drop to my knees in gratitude when I found that the car hadn't been moved and the ipad was still in the front seat?

Can you believe I did that? Not only can I not move like I used to I still can't remember crap. I mean that's fine if it is a doctors appointment but when it's an ipad and your whole life is in that little thing.......well, it's not good at all.

So I'm in relaxation mode.

No, that's not correct.

I'm in slug mode.

And that feels pretty good.