Let's go back to the cynic. My sense of "snark" would come out constantly but frustration still takes over. I didn't have a lot of patience with stupidity before..... let alone now. My own stupidity makes it even worse. I get very frustrated with the fog. I hate it that I have to reread almost everything to make sure I'm getting it right. Even then, I'm not sure that I am.
I want to think of myself as the same healthy woman that ran around with 4 inch heels. I'm still a computer geek who rubs her hands when I've been too long on the computer. I'm still a photography, movie and music buff. I'm a reader that finds it's a little tough to remember what I've just read. Most of all, I've had a tough time accepting that this is chronic. There are days that I look in the mirror and "I get it" and there are days that I don't. I run hot and cold and I swing to both ends of the spectrum. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know who I am without Fibromyalgia. It sneaks into every part of my life. I don't try to let it but it does.
Because the fatigue affects what I can or can't do for the day it has pushed its way in to my hobbies and career. Because the pain is ever-present on some level every day it has pushed its way in to the things that I love to do. For example, I found that Fibromyalgia had pushed its way into holiday cooking. I have paid for the desire to push past the pain and cook a holiday dinner.
No matter what I say or do the pain and fatigue are the twins that want to accompany me in everything that I love to do or be.
I can ignore them but like a two year old, the twins tug at my sleeves to let me know that they want attention.....AND THEY WANT IT NOW.
I just especially love it when the twins throw a doozy of a temper tantrum and refuse to stop until I give in and let them have their way.
So I'm still "me" with everything that I love to do with a healthy dose of Fibro thrown in for good measure.
Snarky, impatient, little old me.
**I forgot to add that this will be part of the blog carnival. Diana Lee at Somebody Heal Me graciously hosted this. Please stop by her blog and like her page on Facebook.