WHEN I SAY OW...I MEAN OW

It takes a lot to say ow.
And I hate saying it.

Just the name Fibromyalgia is enough to make get on a soapbox. Having said that, having it is a WHOLE OTHER ballgame. Baggage takes on a whole other meaning because each of the symptoms brings a matched set of luggage along with it.

Everyone, I think, would agree with the fact that chronic pain tends to play with your head. I don't think you can experience pain like that on a daily basis and not want to retreat a tad. I don't care whether it's Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, migraines or any other chronic pain illness. You just can't escape them without some sort of scar. 

I think you can come through them.....people do every day. I just think that after something chronic hits your body you become someone that is constantly "on alert." You know every nook and cranny.....every subtle nuance that your body signals; how can you not? I know that I can feel it. With me, it's a subtle twinge in my hands. I can unconsciously start to rub them and, when I catch myself doing it, I know the pain will start radiating to different parts of my body and then.......well, I get slammed.

I've almost become embarrassed to say the word Fibromyalgia. People look at you like it's the garbage can diagnosis that some doctors have made it out to be. If they can't tell what's wrong with you....well then......it must be Fibromyalgia. It may very well be just that......but it's the look that goes along with it that gets to you.

It's the look of disdain or the just plain patronizing that gets to me. It's the almost pitying look that says, "well.....if you believe it....."  I get really sick of doctors pulling that. Now, I just really don't like going to doctors. I wish I could find one that knows me. 

They'd know that I am not enjoying the symptoms. 

They'd know that I'm not exaggerating them either. 

I don't say I'm in pain to try medications. I don't say that my muscles can start twitching so much that I'd like to take a baseball bat to my legs to get pain medication or muscle relaxers. When I say that I live my life on the very minimum of 5 on the pain scale everyday, I think they should believe me and not think that I'm depressed. 

Because I'm not.

I'm tired of doctors looking at me like I'm exaggerating. I am reasonable and can articulate what is going on very simply and logically. Why that needs to be questioned is beyond me. I wish doctors wouldn't feel threatened by a multi-disciplinary approach to treatment. I use a multi-disciplinary approach every single day. Why shouldn't they? I dislike getting thrown a couple of medications (that I don't want or need) and ushered out of the office.

I guess you can tell that I'm going to a doctor.

Well, I'm ending with a doctor and starting another one.

It's not looking good.

The first available appointment is November 21.

Dandy.

Just dandy...........