Friday, January 18, 2013


Sometimes things look bleak.
Sometimes you can't figure out the "why."
Then God's grace will be...

There are times in this life that you can't figure out what the heck is going on. Everything around you is falling apart but, then again, that's just what it seems like. 

I've never been a "religious" person but I am a very spiritual one. I really, truly believe that God has a reason for everything. There are times that I've felt his presence and there are times that I'm flailing out there on my own.

I know that I've been blessed in this life. I have wonderful kids that are my life. It was a miracle that I had her and she has been a source of joy in my life. I really meant it when I told her that one day she'll have one and I hope it's just like her. Now, at the time, I really meant that I hoped her son or daughter would make her as crazy as she made me. She walked at a very early age and ran soon thereafter. I never stopped after that. 

Did I mention that she downed a bottle of baby aspirin and handed me the bottle?

At the kids wedding I made a speech and mentioned that there were so many stories that I could have told but I chose that I'd save them as bedtime stories for their children. Now, that I really meant! 

I just have been a little reflective today. I went to the doctor and need a ton of blood work done. I'm going to be tested for a ton of autoimmune illnesses. Hopefully, just to rule them out. I don't know my medical history because I was adopted. As my daughter gets older it's something that I really wish I knew. 

I would hope that it would be included for all adoptions. 

I don't think its right to leave certain details out. I know the records are sealed and some birth parents are reluctant to have that door opened BUT I do think that a medical history should be taken so future generations aren't left to "guess work" and basically a crap shoot.

I left the doctor reflecting on the why. Why now does he feel the need to check for more autoimmune illnesses. What is he trying to rule out? They all say that it's nothing and it's just to make sure nothing else is lurking in the background......

Why say that in the first place?

Anyway, I was a little shaken by that but then I heard from my little sweetheart and the world seemed right again. Sometimes I need to be reminded how wonderful are the things this life holds.

I need to let go (never been my strong suit)

And let God be in control.

It will work out.

It always does.......

But Grace has never been my middle name.


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