Tuesday, August 12, 2014


Once in a while..
Something happens that touches us all.
Because it hits a little too close to home.

Hearing the news about Robin Williams death and the apparent cause really bothered me yesterday. In fact, it's bothering me today too. Sad, because the pain he carried gave birth to one of the most brilliant comedians of our generation and reflective because anyone who is chronic anything has probably toyed with that thought.

I call it the black hole.
I've been sucked down into it more than once.

Before all the health issues, when I was the real me I long for and remember, suicide was something I couldn't fathom. I thought that kind of thinking was weak. I couldn't understand how someone could do that and not think of their family and loved ones. Funny, what chronic pain does to you..... Then, something or someone brings the issue a little closer to home. Depression is hidden in the shadows. It's something to be ashamed of because you feel you should be able to control it. 

You can't

Chronic pain, whether it be emotional or physical, plays with your head. You're always vigilant because there is a fear that it can break you. The pain is stealthy. It creeps slowly and morphs into depression and the depression is a danger in itself. It wants to isolate you and tell you that this is all that you need. Pains evil touch makes us doubt our faith and our strength. Fighting it is the only option that we have. It's a seemingly beautiful dance that whirls and twirls and that calm soothing voice whispers in your ear promising peace and an end to suffering. We need to realize that it is a fight that we will have our entire lives or until, magically, a cure is found. 

Depression from chronic pain is just a wolf in sheep's clothing. We must stay vigilant and aware that the pain is causing our mindset. Depression will tell us that this fight isn't worth it. It will try to beckon our soul over to his side where he promises that the darkness will soothe our soul and give us a break from the pain. He gathers strength from our weakness and he plays us like a dealer to an addict. 

Depression isn't weakness.

It's easy to hid it with a smile and laughter.

But it's right there......

hiding in your eyes and your soul.

It causes us to hide and isolate ourselves.

Then it's got us right where it wants us.

Always remember that voice is a lie.

Please don't be afraid to tell your doctor. 

Seek help.

Depression isn't funny. 
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)


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