Tuesday, October 27, 2015


I feel like crap.
I need caffeine.
It started out bad.
It didn't get better as the day went on.
The prognosis isn't good for the rest of the evening.

Let me give you a little overview of the day. I don't know why I'm constantly surprised when I put my feet on the floor in the morning and my body feels like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. I'm used to the stiffness that doesn't go away until mid-morning; I can deal with that. What's difficult to deal with is the pain that has velcroed itself to my body and refuses to let up. So, as I hobble to the kitchen to make a concoction that kind of resembles coffee, I remember that I left my thyroid medication by the bed. I try to take it first thing in the morning because if I don't, I'll forget. So I hobble back to get the medication. Unfortunately, my dog has gotten up and he wants to be outdoors. So I turn around and as I walk on the lead weights that are my legs mouthing "ow" with every other breath, I put Buster outside and then start my trek back to the kitchen.

I forgot the fricking medication AGAIN.
Screw it. I'll take it later.
I'll live to regret those words.

So I start my coffee (and I use the term loosely) and get the non-fat creamer, three Sweet and Low and sugar free chocolate syrup so that it will resemble light brown milk. My daughter visibly shudders when she watches me make coffee! Even the people at Starbucks can't believe what they hear when I order.  Did I mention that my hands also hurt? As I get the cream out of the refrigerator it slips out of my hands and suddenly, splat! Yep, I've got cream all over the floor. Fortunately, Buster comes in the kitchen looking like he hit the lottery and at this point I let him lick the mess up off the floor. Then I remember that he doesn't digest milk well, so I know I'll pay for this later if I let him continue. I give up and throw the whole roll of paper towels on the floor and wipe up the cream.  At this point, I don't even want the coffee anymore. I head back to the fridge and get a diet coke. I need the caffeine.

I figure I'll go to the gym. I don't know why I do it. Everything I read says I need the movement and that it will help with the pain. If anyone says that to me today my answer will be, "bite me." I'm wiped out after I walk and I come home and go to sleep.  Now let me explain the trip to the gym.

I get in the car and pull out of the garage. Then I look down and I pull back into the garage. I go inside and get my phone and the gym bag. I can't remember anything today! Okay, I'm ready to go now. I get ready to pull the car out of the garage again and ........no, I'm not. I have to take my pain medication otherwise I won't be able to walk. If I don't take it before I get there it won't kick in. Great. So I pull back in the garage, nearly forget to put the car in park, go inside and take the pain medication. I hobble back to the garage......

NOW I'm ready to go.

By the time I get to the gym I'm exhausted. I just want to go home and put the covers over my head. Maybe I just should have stayed in bed today. It isn't looking good so far but, I keep going and make to to the gym and walk. By the time I hit 3 miles I'm crying. Maybe I should just go home. 

I hate looking at women older than I am who are practically running. I am so envious of people that can walk without pain. As I walk I realize how much I took for granted. I took my health for granted, my body and my work for granted. I just wish I could go back a couple of years before the accident. It's very sobering and depressing to realize that you can NEVER go back.  But, I hobble on......

I get home and get back into bed and put the pillows around my head and that is where I have been all day and night. It's just one of those days where my mood has gotten worse with every passing hour. It's so frustrating to forget everything. I tried using the weekly pill dispenser but I forget to fill it and even when I do remember to fill it, I forget to use it. I even put it in my calendar on my phone but I forget to look at it. 

Maybe I should take a bath.

A couple of hours in the tub should shake off this mood.


If I could sleep I'd say tomorrow will be a better day.

But I probably won't sleep either.

By the way, I forgot to take my thyroid medication today.

Did anyone get the license plate of that truck that hit me?


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