THE QUINTESSENTIAL NARCISSIST

How is it possible to lie while telling the truth? Manipulators do it all the time, it seems. They lie by reciting a litany of truths with such conviction that you begin to think you're crazy for doubting them. The problem is that the lies come in by what they're not telling you. It's the lie by omission and that's why they are so convincing.

It must be the quest for power. I used to call it "the game" and I have met the master. He gets off on the manipulation. It's like playing chess and he spends great time and care placing the pawns on the board. He lives to see what he can get away with. It's the high of possession; of the absolute knowledge that he has the ultimate power, and power is his drug of choice.

He will try to tell you that it's you. You always turn things around and blame him and it's always his fault. He will say, "It's always me, you can't do anything wrong, you're perfect." He will throw that back at you and now you're the bad guy for having the audacity to stand up to him. He wants to rob you of your right to defend yourself and he will do that by becoming the victim. 


The problem is that you think he's cold and has no feelings. 


Oh, but he does and they run real deep. It's just not for you or your feelings. 


The only feelings he cares about are his own. It's his wants and needs and desires that need to be satisfied. If they're not then there's no one to blame but you for not servicing his needs. Thus, he feels justified and has every right to move on in his clandestine endeavors. He absolutely refuses to acknowledge my feelings but constantly demands that I respect his feelings. It's like walking on eggshells. You have to submit and kowtow to his demands and if you don't he reserves the right to destroy your feelings and self respect until he's spent and feels better about himself once again. He has no clue of how to apologize. Apologies would mean he'd have to admit what he's intentionally done. All he can say is, "I don't feel real good about myself."

He is the master at wearing masks. He preys on the weak. Not weak of heart but the weak in self esteem. He needs the woman who has just been through a divorce or is unhappy in her marriage. He needs a woman who needs him. That gives him the food he needs to thrive. He comes alive when he smells blood in the water. He uses the phone and the written word to make you feel alive. He zeroes in on your weakness and bolsters it and he massages it. He tells you he's one of a kind. He is so subtle and you don't even realize what he's doing and before too long you're hooked. He's fed you the lines and you bought them hook, line and sinker. 


Once you buy he'll tell you that he wasn't looking for it and that he never made the first move: you did. He's right. He set it up masterfully so that you would make the move and let him off the hook. He's a predator. He's a chameleon that will adapt to what you need and you can quickly fall under his control and never even know you were a pawn. 


How can this be? 


He's so charming and has many admirers. He has people that know him and his persona is solid. He absorbs the goodness and virtue of those around him for himself but underneath it all it's dark and cold. Just try and catch him or confront him and you will see his true nature come out. If you fail to give him what he needs he will just move on to someone else. There always needs to be a backup so he can bask in his own glory.

Should you believe that he loves you, beware. He doesn't love you. He needs you. He needs a covering so he can continue his incessant manipulations. He needs adoration. He has no concern or care about the hurt he causes or the tears you cry. When you cry he will back up just enough to keep you and help you dry your tears, all the while congratulating himself on how good he is at his game. You go back to the blissful illusion that he is the man he's let you see. He is the master of illusion.

He will never have mastery over his urges. He gave up, a long time ago, the struggle to control his demands, selfishness, control of others, lusts and his entitlement. He's fully embraced it and justified it. He's openly boastful and proud of how he always gets his own way. He will never let anyone get in the way of what he wants and when you do you become the liability. 


There's a deep smoldering anger that he tries very hard to control but every now and then it comes out.


He will slip up and let you see the man under the mask.