Friday, August 28, 2009


It's hot again. First the humidity then the heat; and that's not good.

I'm not sure why a lot of this pain that encompasses my whole body has a different relationship with my hands. Maybe it's because they're always in use, I don't know but the pain seems to settle there.

I walk because it's supposed to help. I walk because it puts my mind in a different place. I walk to exercise. So far, none of it has helped.

It gets very discouraging, this invisible disease. I'm glad that I don't look the way I feel. I wonder, though, with all these supplements and nutritional pills that I'm taking.......will this help? Is it nutrionally based? I find that hard to believe. I know that a lot of people have been helped by supplements but I'm not finding relief with them. I know they can help me nutritionally. My body has been depleted by the last few years of yo-yo dieting but can that depletion cause this kind of pain?

If it's an immune dysfunction how can the supplements help? Yes, they can help bolster the immune system but what is the underlying factor that triggers all of this? Nutrition? Yes. Stress? Absolutely yes. Is cortisol a big part of the problem?

Why does weather affect my body so much? What happens to my system when the humidity starts to rise? That can't be a supplemental problem, can it? If it was just that I was a nutritional wreck why then would stress cause so much pain? Where does the thyroid fit into all of this as well?

I guess I want to know what triggers the immune system to start attacking my body. I need to find that answer because taking pills everyday isn't going to do it. I need to get rid of the things that cause me pain and embrace a joy that will bring relief.

There's still something missing. It's the piece of the puzzle that starts all of this. Whether it's viral or something to do with the adrenals or the total immune dysfunction there's one domino that trips. There's something that keeps nudging the back of my mind. Maybe that is why I can't rest. I need to figure this puzzle out and when I can't figure something out I start a new obsession of why.

That's the question. Now to find the answers.


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