Saturday, February 26, 2011
I have a deposition on Monday.
Need I say more?
I'm surrounded by the twins. Pain and fatigue. This latest storm isn't real good for my body. I've been in a lot of pain and the muscle spasms have been a real joy to live with. Usually it helps to spend a lot of time in the bath.
The good thing is that I've read a lot of books.
The bad thing is I'm a prune.
The ugly thing is that it hasn't helped.
Usually the swirling water helps my muscles. I get quiet and down to relaxation level but this time has been different. I just can't seem to get relaxed. Maybe it's because I've got a deposition on Monday. I'm not worried but I am stressed. I just know I'm going to be asked how this accident has affected my life.
I don't think there is enough time to tell that story.
My dog "H" is on the bed beside me. Fortunately, he's a slug like me. I just want to do something besides focusing on pain. I want to walk outdoors and enjoy the rain and cool weather. I actually tried that this morning but crawling around the neighborhood looks suspicious. Plus, I don't like the idea of concrete burns on my knees. So, I came back inside the house. H wasn't happy because he was looking forward to being out in the front yard and networking with his puppy buddies down the street but he decided to stretch out and sleep the rest of the day.
I'm tired of watching television and reading books. I want to interact with people again. I miss working and I miss sales. There is a high that goes with the territory and I miss it. Plus, I miss making a living. Sitting around and collecting Social Security isn't my idea of having a good time. I've been angry about this for so long. Now I get to be deposed and the question of how this affects my life has been nagging at me all day.
It's affected me physically.
I'm in pain on a daily basis. Granted, some days are a little better than others but there isn't a day that goes by where pain doesn't accompany me. I look at my life before the accident and I had a lot of fun. Did my back hurt? Yep. Did I still wear 4 inch heels? Yeperoo. That was then and this is now.
It affected me emotionally.
It's a different mindset that you have when you're working. Your days off and vacation days are precious. You use them to unwind and regroup and often wish you could just stop the rat race and make it permanent. Then when the unthinkable happens you realize that it isn't a good thing at all. I need to keep my mind active and I want nothing more to be in a sales office again. Then I realize what it entails and I know I can't do it. You have to re-invent yourself and that sucks. Big time.
It's affected me financially.
A friend of mine once said to me. "It's not how much money you have, it's how quickly you can replace it." Truer words were never spoken. Savings are a good thing but it only takes one illness or one accident to wipe it out. Money doesn't buy happiness but it sure makes your life a lot more convenient. Of the two ways to live one is a lot more fun.
So on Monday I get to be deposed and express myself, hopefully, without hostility. I am angry about this accident and I have to let that go. Well, at least in front of the other attorney. I'm using the next couple of days to unwind and regroup. Post traumatic Fibromyalgia can be argued so it's back to the pain.
I can do this.
I know I can.
I'm just going to hope the bruises aren't too big from my attorney kicking me under the table when I get out of line.