Friday, February 4, 2011
What goes better with Poor-pitiful me crackers?
Maybe a Port-Whine?
I've spent the last week feeling very sorry for myself. I suppose it's natural but I am so tired of fighting. Everything feels like it's being sucked down into this insurance denial vortex. Now, I'm in one heck of a flare.
Stress does not help this illness at all.
Live in a bubble and stay away from it at all costs.
I used to take rejection very well. I was in a business that lived on it. The way I looked at it was that every "no" was one step closer to a "yes." That's the way it worked and the No's just rolled off my back. How could I do it with such ease then and with such pain now?
Because my future didn't depend on it.
I have decided to just let my attorney deal with it. That's what he's getting paid to do so I'm going to take my little controlling hands out of it. That will lessen the load on that front. Now, I start the depositions for the car accident and that should be a whole lot of fun. I just hate them. I have to keep my emotions in check and answer questions from bozo's that couldn't find their way out of a paper bag.
Okay, strike that. I'll be nice.
I have to get through this pity party and stand up again.
I've never been one that accepts change well. It's weird. It's not the idea of changing. Everything evolves and I'm comfortable with that concept. Usually the people spouting how great change will be are the ones that want to institute change and it's usually to fit in with their agenda. That's the part I'm not crazy about. I'm more into logistics and looking into every possible scenario that could come up from moving that particular chess piece clear across the board. That is what gets me into trouble. I'm real good at looking at scenarios. Maybe it's my cynical way of looking at everything instead of being an optimist. Let me rephrase that. To me it's not cynicism, it's realism.
I think the problem also stems from the fact that change brings stress which brings me back full circle. Fibromyalgia, change and the stress that it brings to not belong in the mix together. It definitely does not do the body good. I just keep thinking back to the thought that all of this will build character. Yeah, right. You know the next line........I definitely have a lot of character.
So now I have to just suck it up and leave the pity party.
Can I take at least one balloon with me?
I hate to leave empty-handed.