Thursday, August 19, 2010


I really wish I could.
I'd make different choices.
I would turn different corners.
I'd drive down a different street.

It's one of those nights. I woke up this morning  and forced myself to go to the gym so I could walk for 15 minutes. It's funny that I'll drive 10 minutes to go to a place where I can walk for 15 minutes. Why not just go out the front door and take a walk?

First, it's too hot.
Second, I'll walk back in the door and get back in bed.

Yep, it's been that kind of day. I hobbled and finally quit walking in less than 5 minutes. Every bone in my body aches today and I just couldn't finish a walk. Then, because I was wiped out from the walk I came back home and got into bed. Wasn't that what I really wanted to do in the first place?

It would have been nice to have a crystal ball and see what life had in store for me. Don't we all wish we have some sort of warning for everything that smacks us in this life? Of course, there are varying degrees and there are certainly some things I wouldn't want to know in advance. What I mean is as far as the Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and Car Accidents. I really would have wanted to prepare for what was coming. 

How would I have prepared? Well, I think thinking I thrived on unending stress would have been a good place to start. Once trauma hits your body it wreaks all kinds of havoc. What I should have done before is stop and smell those proverbial roses. I should have realized everything doesn't have to be perfect and I should have definitely realized that stress isn't a good thing.  I just keep going over this in my head and I can't come to the acceptance part. Will I ever get to the point where I can say that this turned out to be a blessing in my life?  Will something come along that will take the place of a meaningful career and replace it with something better? 

I know I say that if I knew this was coming I would have changed certain aspects of my life but would I have changed? I doubt it. There are a number of things that cause this but I am absolutely certain the car accident was the domino that tripped this nasty series of events.  That's when I get angry and just when I make a little bit of headway toward that elusive acceptance,  the pain starts. The cycle begins anew.

I think everyone would like an opportunity for a do-over. Just hop back on the old time machine and see how you could change your life. Oh yeah, there are definitely a few changes I'd make!

So, considering I can do nothing about this,  I'm going to watch movies. I have a feeling this will be a very long night. The fog (mine) is rolling in and I almost fell asleep and then......pow! I'm wide awake. Not good...........what I'd give for a full night of deep sleep!!

Okay..........what to watch...............I think I need a real good disaster movie. Do I want one where an asteroid hits the earth or giant tidal waves wipe out the coast? How about volcanoes? Hmmm.......or do I want to get sappy and watch 13 going on 30. (I love that movie!)  Or maybe Armageddon. I've got it........I'm watching and old one. Meteor with Sean Connery.

So now it's time for the nightly ritual. First, pain medication and then muscle relaxers. If not, I'll be in bad shape by two o'clock. Second, time to spray the pillows with Bath and Body Works Lavender and Vanilla spray. Third, I spray the body mist of the same Lavender and Vanilla on me. Last, I take a melatonin. So now, it's movie time!!

No popcorn.
I'm being good.


  1. Your post really hit home for me. I've been struggling with the changes in my life and career--tryin' but not succeeding at keeping my attitude upbeat. Needed to read your post!!
    moderator at Graceful Agony

  2. Thanks Sheila! It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this! What is the moderator? I'm relatively new to this blogging thing..... Thanks for following!


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