THE BUD

I looked outside and looked at
just a single rose in my garden.
And the day came,
when the risk to remain tight in a bud,
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

I keep struggling with the concept of this illness defining me. Right now it does define me. I mean, I still have the personality and characteristics that I was born with and that have been defined and refined during my lifetime. Those same personality quirks and characteristics have been overshadowed and redefined by pain.  In that respect, this invisible illness and I have morphed into one being.

What my pain has done to me is very much like the rose. I cannot bloom in pain. But like that rose it is becoming increasingly difficult to stay as tightly wrapped as that bud. I know that it helps me and my spirit to touch another's life and lift them up. I think that this is why all of us decide to embark on this medium called blogging. We use words as a soothing balm for our souls. We use words to express our love, our frustration and our pain. And sometimes, our words soothe someone else's soul. We have embraced each other with our words and used them to touch each other's heart.

So, tonight as the humidity is rising as well as the pain, I will try to put all of this aside and think of what I can do to help one other person in this fight against chronic pain and fatigue. Staying tightly cocooned keeps me concentrating on the pain and that isn't good for me or anyone else. I'm hoping that if I can do that then I can begin to bloom and find a new direction that encompasses all of me (pain included). If I can do this then we all can do this. We have a group that has an immense capacity to reach out and help the chronic pain community. There are so many different people that have so much to give. They inspire me on a daily basis and I look forward to every glimpse into their hearts and life.

Thank you for the opportunity to join you on this journey. It's a journey that is frustrating, difficult and a journey none of us wanted to take and even though we are stuck on this road, we have found each other.

The knowledge that we are in this together makes this journey bearable.