Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I must live in the state of denial.
I still think I am Superwoman.
All I can say is, "it's been one hell of a month."

After 47 years in Las Vegas you would think that I'd be used to the heat. Nope. Not happening. Thank goodness for air-conditioning. I would go from my house to my car to my office and then back to my car and house. I hardly ever was out in the hottest part of the day. Now, the heat is playing havoc with the Fibromyalgia and combined with the humidity, well, it's been an ugly time.

Every bone in my body aches and aches and aches.

The funny thing is that my mind still seems to think that I can do whatever I want. I guess I still have illusions of grandeur that stop once I put my feet on the floor. It takes a while to shake the cobwebs out but it takes even longer to feel semi-human. Normally, I feel kind of like the tin man before he gets a shot from the oilcan.

It's interesting. Some people can't take the cold weather but I do so much better in it, unless there is humidity or a lot of wind. The other weird thing is that degrees between 32 and 50 absolutely chill me to the bone. Once it hits freezing.......I seem to be fine. That one I can't figure out. Is that the Fibromyalgia or the Hashimoto's or hypothyroidism? I have NO clue.

Does anyone else have weird body rhythms like that?

This is such a strange illness. For instance, I was supposed to meet my daughter at church. They wanted to go and, of course, I told them I'd meet them at the 9:15 service. What was I thinking? 9:15? Was I on drugs??? Well, of course I was! I knew what I was in for. I'd have to wake up at an ungodly hour just make myself look decent so my daughter wouldn't guess my pain index. I wasn't looking forward to that alarm.

Well, the kids never made it. Must be great to be young and in love. What a great reason not to be able to get out of bed. I remember those days and I miss them. Anyway, we decided to make dinner and have a nice evening together. We hit Whole Foods and made a yummy mango habanero sauce for the chicken and roasted some asparagus. We had a wonderful evening together and I realized how much I've missed her. The kids have their own lives but they really are wonderful and I truly enjoy their company.

Anyway, the minute she left I jumped into the bathtub. Jumped is probably not the right word. I don't think I could have "jumped" if my life depended on it.  I slithered like a boneless mass of jelly into the tub and stayed an hour. Then I got in bed and took the muscle relaxers and pain medication and curled up into a little ball. 

And I stayed there.
And I wanted to cry.

The point of this long story is that my mind hasn't caught up with my bodies limitations. I mean how dare my body attack me? I can do all things, can't I? I just don't want to emotionally face my physical limitations. Then I think, this is only Fibromyalgia. Why am I giving it the power to kick my fanny?

Because it can.

This isn't a joke of an illness.

It's real and it's debilitating.

Maybe it's good to live in denial.

After all, it's where I'm most comfortable.

I just don't want to knuckle under to this illness.

Excuse me...........syndrome.

I will overcome this innate inertia.

OK........I'm calm now............

And back in bed................