Sunday, December 18, 2011


Peering out cautiously.
Looking at the world.
Not sure.

I thought I knew my life path. I know that life can throw curve balls but I didn't expect them to be as strong and unrelenting as they have become. It feels like I'm coming to a crossroad and I'm not sure what way to go. I've never liked uncertainty and that quality has been a part of my personality for as long as I can remember. I feel comfortable knowing as much as I can about the people around me and my surroundings. I think that if I can then I can avert some of life's nasty surprises.


I'm just hanging today. I'm trying to figure out my next move. If life was a chess game, well, I'd be pretty close to being the master. I'm sitting here drinking Wild Sweet Orange Tea and contemplating my next move. I used to be in Starbucks every day and until I found out about Mocha's, I drank this tea every day. Then Starbucks changed it for this Orange Blossom green tea crap that tastes exactly as I just described it. 

It helps me think.

It keeps my body warm too. Lately, around 5ish, I start to get very cold. Very cold. I end up having to take a real hot shower or bath just to feel warm again. Is that weird? Please tell me that other people get cold in the late afternoon too. I feel that I have enough symptoms and to add even just one more to the list is overload.

Back to thinking.

It's amazing how quickly I can revert to Type A squared. When I start thinking I don't know when to just let go. My perfectionist tendencies kick in and then start to get the better of me. Why the hell don't I just stop? I know that when I do this the stress starts and then pain becomes my best friend again. 

I just need to knock it off.

It probably doesn't help that the weather isn't cooperating either. I woke up to the pitter-patter of little rain drops on my window last night and to a lovely little rainstorm this morning. I used to love the feel of the rain in the air. I still do but with plenty of caveats. I love the feel of rain in the air but it's going to hurt. Nope, that's not quite right. Maybe it should be, "I love the feel of rain in the air but my pain is going to go from a throb to OMG, please make it stop!"

That's about where it is today.

I think we need a new pain scale.

And it shouldn't stop at 10.

Rosemary and the magic barometer .....

Over and out.