I'll probably never be thankful that a car accident brought chaos and havoc to my life but maybe one day I will. I guess I'll never know until that day comes. What I can say is that no matter what door gets slammed shut I believe that God will open a window. Even on the days where I'm curled up in pain I know that I have a life purpose. Knowing that I can touch someones life, even one person's life, is a true joy.
I'm trying to convince myself of finding that joy deep inside right now. The humidity is 44% and snow is actually predicted for the higher end of town where I live. There were high wind warnings and some of the wind gusts were actually hurricane strength. Yesterday it was almost 70 degrees and today there was snow.
So after all of this, what does it mean?
For me it means that I still feel shackled and chained by the pain and fatigue that accompanies this invisible disease. I still feel that I have limitations on my body and limitations on what I am able to do on a daily basis. I still feel like a real old lady at times with the creaks and pops that my body makes. I still feel like I've been hit with a baseball bat when the muscles spasms start in my legs.
As much as I feel shackled and chain I also know that I hold the key to my survival. I can make choices that will help with the management of pain. I can write and keep my emotional health on the upswing as well as my physical health. Anyone with a chronic illness needs to find sustenance to guide you through the pain, fatigue, disappointment and frustration that seems to follow us around. So, see the lock that keeps the chains wrapped tightly around us? We can turn the key. It may not get rid of all of them but at least we are the one that holds the key.
It's a good thing that I had brothers.
And that one of them taught me how to pick a lock.