Saturday, December 10, 2011


Rain is coming and I can feel it.
When I'm in pain I have a very low tolerance level.
Very low.
Like in none.

I've always loved being in sales which is pretty funny because I have a real cynical view of human nature. I love being around people but I'm also not surprised when they go off the deep end or act like a two year old. My personality is pretty strong and my friends either appreciate that fact or are themselves real strong. I've never understood game playing or acting like a baby. My friends are wonderful; even those friends that I've never met face to face. There is a strength of will that is there even through those times where they are curled up in pain or at their weakest point. We may have a very low pain threshold but we most definitely do not have a low pain tolerance. 

I've always said that Fibromyalgia is not an illness for sissies.

The rain is coming and I can feel it. My hands are starting to throb and the aches are starting to build. What makes it worse is that I'm a little stressed and that doesn't help at all. I'm still trying to find my zen place but, now, I've got all these little annoyances around me. They're like pesky little flies that I want to swat. It falls under stupid little games that I didn't even play as a teenager. In one respect it's annoying and on the other it's laughable.

Anyway, back to feeling like cow plop.

I went to the holiday support group holiday luncheon and most of us are in the same boat. I started thinking. Light and sound sensitivity. Pain and fatigue. Is it seasonal or just that the cold weather has really started to set in? I wish this was a simple "syndrome" where an aspirin and a good nights sleep would fix what ails us. The flares are tough. Real tough.

I've learned that I have to live with only a certain amount of marbles in the jar. Every act and every stressful moment takes marbles out of the jar. I have to be careful of my reserves and be mindful of the acts that do that. Managing my life's physical and emotional needs takes a great amount of discipline. I need to take the fact that this is chronic; not only keep that fact in my head but in my heart. I really have to get it together.

Actually the pain is really starting to piss me off.

I guess I need to get a better attitude. If it really reflected the pain I feel right now the toilet would be a step up. I get really tired of having to take pain medication just to get to the fricking gym. I want to tell you that as much as they say that exercise helps the pain, I can say with absolute certainty that it doesn't. The only thing it's done is increase my endurance. OK.....the little side benefit of looking good in my clothes helps, but pain is pain. It hasn't gone away and I don't think it's going to.

Please don't tell me that I don't look sick. If I looked like I felt I'd scare dogs and little children. As far as the exercise goes, I've almost fallen asleep on the treadmill. I especially like the way I feel afterwards. I feel like roadkill. When people think that Fibromyalgia can't be that bad I'd like to tell them to give someone a baseball bat and have them beat the hell out of them every day and then tell me it can't be that bad.

It is what it is what it is.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

that this is not the time to irritate me.

Patience has never been my long suit.

It certainly isn't now.