Wednesday, May 20, 2009


To sleep. To sleep perchance to dream.

Lovely words but all they mean right now is that another day has gone by and I've slept through it. Oh, the overpowering fatigue. I wake up and all I want to do is close my eyes and go back to dreamland.

I hate this.

I've read that people with chronic fatigue and/or fibromyalgia have low dopamine levels. There are drugs that can help this but there are also foods that will help adjust these levels. It's worth a try rather than trying to injest more crap into our system. Green tea, apples, chicken, cheese, beets and fish can help raise these levels. The one good thing is that red wine can also raise dopamine levels. Well, there's a bright star in this black sky! Bring it on!

Of course, if you're on any pain medication of any kind you can zip-e-dee-doo-dah the red wine. That can't happen. Ok, then back to the overpowering fatigue.

People just don't get it. You need to get up and start moving. You'd feel better if you got out of bed. You need to start using your brain. You need to exercise. You just need to get up. Come on you can't hurt that bad. Gee, I get tired too. Blah. Blah Blah. Don't they realize that's exactly what I do want? I would love to wake up refreshed and ready to face the day instead of feeling like I'm looking at the world through the fog. Tired? This isn't the kind of tired that you feel after a long day at work. This tired is sheer unadulterated all consuming fatigue and you feel that way from the minute you wake up.

Fog seems to be the right word. Your physical body moves slowly through the fog. Your mental capacity seems diminished and your thinking processes? Yep. Fog again. It's almost an out of body experience only you wish it was someone elses body. What was the trigger to make you feel like you are constantly in slow motion?

Couple that slow motion existence with the harsh reality of pain. Only then does the magnitude of this come into focus. Everything hurts and you try to find words that can explain how you feel only the words that come to mind are the generic descriptive words that minimize this disease in other's eyes. How do you say "I'm so tired" without sounding like a whimpering little baby. How can you adequately describe how much every muscle in your body aches? Everyone has aches and pains but life goes on and you have the audacity to bring life to a halt because "your tired and your body hurts." It sounds ridiculous even to me.

For now I'll just have to leave the words as they are. My brain is too slow right now to use the thesaurus that I used to recall at will. I'm going to quit fighting right now and try to get some rest and maybe close my eyes and get some much sought after sleep. Maybe.



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