Saturday, October 31, 2009


Look whats become of me.

I can't believe it!

Where has this year gone?

It could be that I've spent most of this year in a pain-induced brain fog followed by a mother of a fibromyalgia flare up. I don't know how I got here or when but the year is gone already. Oh my. The weather has turned and I'm back to rubbing my cold, aching hands. Actually, today, my whole body is aching again and it's not just a dull ache.

Voodoo pain is back. With a vengeance.

It's been touch and go. I just want one week where I'm not taking up residence in a doctors office. I would like to have more good days than bad days and I don't want to have to take Lyrica to get there. Between the thyroiditis and the inactivity of the fibro my metabolism is in a coma and it won't take very much to have it kick the bucket completely. All I need is a medication that shows one of it's main side effects is weight gain.

No thank you.

I really am trying to be thankful even though I sound like I'm being a kvetch. ( you gotta love yiddish ) I really do have a part of the brain that knows it could be worse. It's just this self-image thing that keeps popping up when I see the 25 pounds on my body in the mirror. That will kill me every time. I know I'm not perfect but I want to be my criteria of perfect and that means taking off this weight that is now plaguing my soul.

Does everyone else feel the way I do? It would be nice to know that I'm not crazy and whining and moaning for nothing. Fibromyalgia is sneaky. Fairly good one day and crashing the next. I wish it would make up it's mind.

So for now as the fall returns and the year is coming to an end I can look forward to the holidays and spending time with the people I love and pray that next year I will have more good days than bad ones.

I need to get the doctor off the speed dial.


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