Saturday, September 18, 2010


It started out bad.
It didn't get better as the day went on.
The prognosis isn't good for the rest of the evening.
Thanks, however, to Judith Viorst for a magnificent description of my day.

Let me give you a little overview of the day. I don't know why I'm constantly surprised when I put my feet on the floor in the morning and it feels like razor blades are embedded in them. I'm used to the stiffness that doesn't go away until mid-morning; I can deal with that. As I hobble to the kitchen to make a concoction that kind of resembles coffee, I remember that I left my thyroid medication by the bed. I try to take it first thing in the morning because if I don't, I'll forget. So I hobble back to get the medication. Unfortunately, my dog has gotten up and he wants to be outdoors. So as I walk on what feels like pins and needles, I put Mr. H outside and then start my trek back to the kitchen.

I forgot the fricking medication AGAIN.
Screw it. I'll take it later.
I'll live to regret those words.

So I start my coffee ( and I use the term loosely) and get the non-fat creamer and Sweet and Low so that it will resemble light brown milk. My daughter visibly shudders when she watches me make coffee! As I get the cream out of the refrigerator it slips out of my hands and suddenly, splat! Yep, I've got cream all over the floor. I am so irritated because to mop this floor literally puts me down for days. The dog comes in looking like he hit the lottery and at this point I let him lick the mess up off the floor. He doesn't digest milk well, so I know I'll pay for this later. I throw practically a whole roll of paper towels on the floor and wiped the cream up. At this point, I don't want the coffee anymore. I head to the fridge and get a diet coke.

I figure I'll go to the gym. I don't know why I do it. Everything I read says I need the movement and that it will help with the pain. So far it hasn't helped at all. I'm wiped out after I walk and I come home and go to sleep.  Now let me explain the trip to the gym.

I get in the car and pull out of the garage. Then I look down and I pull back into the garage. I go inside and get my phone and the gym bag. I can't remember anything today! Okay, I'm ready to go now. No, I'm not. I have to take my pain pills otherwise I won't be able to walk. If I don't take it before I get there it won't kick in. Great. So I stop the car and take the pain medication.

NOW I'm ready to go.

By the time I get to the gym I'm exhausted. I just want to go home and put the covers over my head. Maybe I just should have stayed in bed today. It isn't looking good so far but, I keep going and make to to the gym and walk. 

I hate looking a women older than I am who are practically running. I am so envious of people that can walk without pain. As I walk I realize how much I took for granted. I took my health for granted, my body, my work and my finances for granted. I just wish I could go back a couple of years before the accident. It's very sobering and depressing to realize that you can NEVER go back.  But, I hobble on......

I get home and get back into bed and put the pillows around my head and that is where I have been all day and night. It's just one of those days where my mood has gotten worse with every passing hour. It's so frustrating to forget everything. I tried using the weekly pill dispenser but I forget to fill it and even when I do remember to fill it, I forget to use it. I stayed a couple of hours in the tub just to see if I could shake off this mood.

It's still here.
If I could sleep I'd say tomorrow will be a better day.
But I probably won't sleep either.
By the way, I forgot to take my thyroid medication today.


  1. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has these kind of days. For what it's worth, your bad day encourages me tonight. Praying that tomorrow will begin fresh and new for you and praying that you may feel less pain in your feet when they hit the floor in the morning. :o) Praying the same for me, too.

  2. Some how it figures that one of my favorite children's books would be one of yours, too. And, I can so relate to your day.

    I am really feeling myself falling into that dark hole. My RLS is driving me nuts and I don't understand why it is back. I am taking Xanax again to help with the anxiety, but now I am feeling drugged out again. SURPRISE! I am!

    The fact that "conditions" I thought were under control are popping up again scares the crap out of me. Is this it? Day after day and night after night dealing with something?! Always and forever? It blows, Rose, and I don't think I want to do it.


  3. Rose,
    I am so sorry your are in such pain. My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers.
    with love,

  4. Hi Jacqueline! Thank goodness I'm not the only one! Today was just one big comedy of errors!

    Hey Ms. CJ.....we're neighbors in this black hole. The thing I hate is just when one thing stops another pops up. Nothing is under control! That's the problem! Every day it's another challenge. I get so tired of fighting..................

    Thanks Judy! You have no idea how much I appreciate those prayers! Happy New Year!!!

    I love you all!

  5. If this wasn't real it would be a funny comedy skit. Unfortunately, there's nothing funny about it at all. I think you were the one that I first learned that the feet knives were part of this. I didn't know that, and one day I got up and screamed. It does give me a small comfort to know that feet knives is a real symptom and not something in my head.
    Big hugs, and Shana tova.

  6. Those are the days when you feel like the paper on the bottom of the birdcage. Problem is that's everyday for us. Here's hoping and praying that tomorrow will be better. Sending soft and gentle hugs to you!

    Sylvia Weitzel

  7. "Feet knives" -- I love that term!

    Have those of you who suffer from this seen a doctor for it lately? Had x-rays? I ask because my sister, who also has fibro and also suffers with feet knives, recently saw a doctor -again- about the horrible pain in her feet. I don't believe he was a podiatrist, I will check. Anyway, it turns out she has a lot more problems than "just" the Fibro.

    I thought you guys might give it a shot.


    p.s. "paper on the bottom of the birdcage" --- good one, Sylvia.

  8. This sounds like so many of my own days I nearly cried! I have Psoriatic Arthritis & Ankylosing Spondilitis (spinal arthritis) and have been dealing with chronic pain since at least high school, chronic infections and fatigue for 15 years. I'm so glad to have found your blog!

  9. Hi Jo! Thank you for following! I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that!Spinal arthritis? Oh my goodness! I have disks that go out and the pain is horrible!

    Hugs to you!

  10. Oh, I can totally relate on the attitude lately. Glad to know I am not alone. Hope you are having a better week.


  11. My attitude has kind of been in the toilet lately.....the horrible heat is over and it's the kind of weather where I want to move.....but...well, we all know that story!


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