Friday, October 29, 2010


A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep.
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through.

It's the last part of the song that means the most to me. 

"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,  the dream that you wish will come true." 

Chronic illness sufferers have something in common; no matter what the nature of their illness, their life experiences, their age, their national origin or the nature of their disability. Whether or not they've progressed on from this one common point, we can point to one moment in time that has touched us all: we have or have had a grieving heart. 

At the moment we find out a diagnosis, the magnitude of what we will forever endure comes tumbling down like a ton of bricks. Most chronic illness encompasses some sort of depression as a by-product of pain. Our grieving hearts find it hard to deal with one more day. Pain drapes our bodies and our cloak of grief is wrapped tightly around us. 

It's the grief of stolen dreams. It's the grief of loss of who we were and it's the grief of who we've become.

There's a magic in believing. 

I've always loved fairy tales. Even though I can be a cynic about some things, I still believe that it will all work out in the end. I believe in happy endings. I may have to dig way down to find it but it's there. Well, some days I have to dig way, way down and even then it's just a tiny spark but even a tiny spark can become a flame. I know that negativity obscures your thinking and stands between you and realization. Negative thinking destroys the spark and sinks us deeper and deeper into depression. 

So in my dreams of overcoming the negative effects of pain, I need to keep on believing and I do believe that one day my wish will come true. In my dreams we will not fear the betrayal of our body. In my dreams we will not let our pain ruin our lives. In my dreams we will not fear the unknown. In my dreams the pain will disappear and we will stand tall and the smile that is on our lips will reach our eyes.

In my dreams there will no longer be a stigma attached to "invisible illness."  In my dreams we will reach for help and no longer fear that help will not be there. In my dreams doctor's will not make us feel helpless and neurotic. In my dreams the right medications will always be there for chronic pain patients. In my dreams the wish of doing even the simple things during the day will not mean days of bed and fatigue. In my dreams we will no longer feel defeated by what chronic illness has taken from us. 

In my dreams we will no longer wake up feeling stiff and sore. In my dreams we will no longer feel frustrated by the fact that we can't do what we had planned for the day. In my dreams we will no longer hate the fact that we have limitations. In my dreams we will not have days where life is lived in a fog. In my dreams we can wake refreshed and ready to face a day that's full of productivity and life. In my dreams we will not fear a cloudy day with a chance of rain. In my dreams we will not have to fight the enemy that is named depression. In my dreams we will not ever have tears that we cry because our body is wracked with pain. In my dreams the muscle spasms that plague our bodies will only be a vague remembrance.

In my dreams we will be able to receive as much as we give. In my dreams we will find the acceptance that we crave. In my dreams we will move beyond the label of chronic illness and leave it behind. In my dreams we will be as strong as we want to be. In my dreams we will be at peace with our body and our mind.

In my dreams there is nothing that is labeled the invisible disease.

In my dreams there is no such thing as chronic pain.

In my dreams..............


  1. Beautiful thoughts! Indeed we all have those grieving moments but we still have to believe.

  2. Beautiful... brought tears to my eyes. Those are the dreams that I would have for all of us, too. I couldn't have said it any better.

    "It's the grief of stolen dreams. It's the grief of loss of who we were and it's the grief of who we've become." --> Wow! That's exactly what weighs me down so much...

  3. Hi Rose, so true, so is the grief of stolen dreams..ah the dreams..


  4. I so agree. The grief of what "could have been" sometimes gets the best of me.

  5. Hi Rose!

    Well, you must have taken a right on writing course cause every time I come here lately that's what I feel... right on!
    This is beautiful, inspiring and moving...


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