Thursday, December 2, 2010


So let's see what the old pain meter is at today.
I'd say about an 8.
Not good.

Is it the weather that is threatening to change? Is it just the stress of the holidays? Is it trying to find the perfect gift that will fit in my limited budget this year? 

Is it just plain stress?

I need to get all my decorations down but I just can't summon the motivation to do it. I love Christmas and even though I know the reason for the season, I get a lot of joy from giving gifts. It really sucks when I can't do what I want. I'll guess I'll have to be inventive this year. I understand that I can do some really cool things but I'm just lacking the holiday spirit.

How do I get it back?

First of all, the pain is skyrocketing. I think rain is coming and my body is dealing me fits right now. I haven't even gone to the gym because I hurt too much and the morning muscle stiffness is over the top. I tried going this morning but the pain medication didn't kick in so walking was out of the question. Also, the pain is playing with my head. Maybe that's why I'm having a tough time with the holiday spirit. Usually this time of year I'm decorating, baking and listening to Christmas music. Instead, I just feel kind of blah. Talk about Silent Night, huh?

It's also Chanukah. It's really kind of cool. I get the best of both worlds. There is the richness of the traditions that I grew up with and the hope that accompanies the Christmas season. I should be having a jolly old time but  I haven't even gotten my menorah out this year.

A friend of mine got the flu and he called me this morning. He told me his symptoms and complained about how lousy he felt. Then he asked me if this is what I feel like every day. Yep, that's about it. It's just varying degrees of pain and ache but it never goes away. I think he finally understands how I feel. All I know is that I have to shake this off somehow because I just want to put the covers over my head.

The other thing I hate is that I am not losing weight despite walking at the gym and my eating habits. I shouldn't be having this kind of trouble losing the weight. I just don't get it. That in itself makes me not want to bake anything because I don't need to eat the kind of things that I love to make for others.

So, right now I'm watching the Scrooged marathon and I wrapped a present for my son-in-law. Believe it or not, that's about all I can handle right now. This sounds pathetic, even to me. At least I have enough clarity to realize that. Maybe I should just start the decorations and tree anyway, even if I don't feel it. Just remember, one foot in front of the other. 

How am I going to shake this mood and lack of motivation? I'm not only suffering from a lack of motivation, I sound like I'm whining. I need to knock this off.

Does anyone have any ideas?


1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're having such a "blue" time. I think a lot of us are struggling with the change of season and holidays. Don't over-tax yourself to put up Christmas decorations, if you don't feel in the mood to do it. Try just putting a few decorations up. I can't handle a lot of decorations for any season, so I just focus on the kitchen and table centerpiece. It's a central area of our apartment, but it's not all over the place and overwhelming. I hope that you're able to enjoy the holidays as much as possible. I know it can be difficult. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings.


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