LIFE IN A BELL JAR

I am watched.

Now I wait.

Life in a bell jar. 

This evening I had my independent medical evaluation. This was requested by the insurance company who will be paying my long term disability claim. I have TONS of documentation and medical records from the accident and subsequent medical problems that now include Fibromyalgia. Funnily enough, he didn't even ask about that or touch all of the tender points associated with the pain of Fibromyalgia. He just touched the base of my neck and my hips.

Most of the time was spent talking and asking me questions. He asked me to get up on my toes and to roll back on my heels. I had a little trouble with that because of my balance issues. He tested my reflexes and then hit what looked like a tuning fork to test my knees to see if I could feel any difference. Also, he didn't even get into the cognitive difficulties. That's a whole other issue. Mostly, he just asked about the back pain. The whole appointment took about an hour. 

Let me digress here for one moment. I have a question. Why is the furniture in doctor's office's so uncomfortable? I have found that orthopedic surgeon's and pain management doctor's have horrible soft furniture that make it difficult to rise from sitting to standing. Tonight, at this neurologist's office he had plastic chairs that hurt like hell. Why is that?? 

Anyway, back to the evaluation.

I got the feeling that he was asking the questions to see if I was credible. He stated that he knew most of the doctors that I've seen so I'm assuming he's not about to call them all liars. I do understand that they have to be sure that the claim is authentic. I'm certain that there are a lot of flakes out there who try to scam the system. 

I also understand that they just don't want to pay.

Again, I understand that they have to test the authenticity of the claim but I find it reprehensible that they choose take credible and authentic claims and then try to discredit the claimant. They don't hesitate to take the money but they sure as heck try to make it as difficult as possible for you to exercise your right to make a claim.

I think that most people would rather not be in this situation. This isn't fun. If I could handle sales again, I would do it in a minute. I really struggle with this whole re-invention thing. I don't know what my life purpose is at this point but I also know I want to find it. The problem is the pain and fatigue. Whatever my purpose will be is one that must be flexible because I never know how I'm going to feel. The crashes are unpredictable, both in frequency and in intensity.

So now I need to wait and see how badly I'm going to be trashed in this evaluation. I know that no matter how much this doctor says that he doesn't represent either the insurance company or me, he is being paid by the insurance company. In my opinion, if this doctor wants to be used for these medical evaluations, he better base his findings in accordance with their guidelines. 

I know I'm probably being paranoid but I feel like I'm being watched. 

Hm, somebodies watching me.

Isn't that a song?