Monday, February 8, 2010


Is for the Fatigue that I constantly have. It is for the Fun that I miss because I'm tired and tired of being in pain. It is for Fat because I don't get as much exercise because of the pain and my body has slowed down so the calories in the foods that I eat have attached themselves to my ass. It is for the never-ending Fog that you find yourself in on a daily basis. It is for Frustration.

Is for the ever-present Irritability. It is for the Icky way that I feel most days. It is for the Invisibility state that I try to remain in so that I don't have to answer too many questions about the way that I feel. It is for Imagination because that's what most people believe about where this illness lives.

Is for the Bitchiness. It is for the Bad days and it is for the Bummed out way that I tend to live at this point in this illness.  It is for feeling Beaten down because you've been Betrayed by your own body. 

Is for the Ridiculous way that the medical community refers to this disease. It is for the way that you have to Re-invent yourself to manage this illness. It is for the Realization that this will be with you for the rest of your life. It is for the constant Reminders that you have to leave yourself because you cannot Remember anything.

Is for the tiny shred of Optimism that I hang on to. It for those people who act so Obtuse about the fact that pain is a constant in your life by design and not by choice. It is for the Outstanding friends that come to your aid, understand and love you. It is for feeling Out of control of your life.

Is for all the Medical appointments that take up most of your days. It is for the MRI's and the tests that you'll go through trying to eliminate every other disease before they diagnose the Fibromyalgia. Is is for the Money that will fly out the window because all of those appointments and tests are very expensive. It is also for the Memory that will also fly out the window just like the  money. It is for the Management skills that you learn so that you can deal with this on a daily basis. 

Is for the constant Yawning because I'm so tired. It is for feeling Yucky. It is also for all the changes that you will make in your life and lifestyle as you Yield to Fibromyalgia.

Is for the Absence of real testing for a definitive diagnosis. It is for the thankfulness that there are medications that can Alleviate some of the symptoms.

Is for the Left-out feelings when you miss events because of the fatigue and pain. It is for feeling Lousy and Lifeless and like a Log when you lay in bed all day. 

Is for feeling Gloomy, Grouchy and Grumpy because of the pain. It is feeling Grateful for the Good days even though they aren't that plentiful. It is for feeling Guilty when you do lay in bed because you think you should be able to do something.......anything. It is for Grieving for the life I used to have.

Is for feeling the Irritation that you feel when people think that if you just get up and move around you'll feel better. It is for the Isolation. It is for the Invisible disease because you don't look sick. It is for getting Impatient with ourselves.

Is for Always looking for the bright side because it could be worse. It is for the Accusations of being neurotic instead of believing you when you say you don't feel well. It is for being Absent-minded.  It is for feeling Aggravated and Agitated. It is also for feeling Appreciative of your friends and family who love you when you are unlovable. 

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed reading this. So true. So very true.
    Thanks for writing it!


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