BACK FROM OZ

So, it's back from the land of Oz.

I had to go and take a test to see what I'm actually capable of doing in the workplace and I don't think it went well. 

First, the woman who I shall rename the Wicked Witch of the West or WWW, told me to press my thumb and forefinger together on an instrument that would measure my strength. She kept yelling at me to grip it harder. Then she wanted me to crawl on the floor. Okay, no problem but not with my palms flat on the ground. Due to the chronic pain I've learned how to do things in a different way so that it doesn't hurt quite as much. She didn't like that either. Everything she asked me to do I tried to do it in a way where it did not cause a lot of pain. 

First and foremost, when someone is yelling at me for something like this, I don't do well. So automatically she put down that I couldn't do it. That is not what I said to her. When the woman  who is the actual therapist came in I was very vocal about "WWW's" bedside manner. Once she took over I was fine but the other one, or rather  "the assistant" should not be conducting these types of tests. The therapist understood what I was saying. She told me that it was common with chronic pain patients to do simple tasks a little bit differently because of the pain. 

She got it. 

The other one? 

I think they dropped a house on her sister and she hasn't gotten over it yet. She hasn't got the expertise or patience to deal with chronic pain patients and I don't have the patience to deal with her.

If I was stronger I probably wouldn't even be there.

I had to crawl, pull, lift and grip. What this has to do with the workplace is beyond me. Second, it's a snapshot. What I've been like since is what should be measured. I have been crashed and in pain since the test. Why not measure that?  What happens to people that push heroically to work while in extreme amounts of pain and then burn out? Is it noted that the work was done out of desperation or hardship? What is actually taken into account and what constitutes a disability? If given a choice would most people choose to abandon their career in favor a life changing event? 

Not many people that I know would make that choice and especially not me. 

I have no idea what this report will say. The woman asked me yesterday if I could go back to what I was doing before I got all of this. I can honestly answer that I cannot, however, I'm guilty until proven innocent. I have to be dragged down in all ways possible. I get to be dragged down physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially until they finally get the fact that I cannot do this anymore. I can't remember everything that I used to call up in a moments notice. I can't read contracts and remember them anymore. I can't deal with the stress and the physical demands of new home sales. 

So now I wait...

And wait...

And wait....