Wednesday, April 14, 2010


So, it's back from the land of Oz.

I had to go and take a test to see what I'm actually capable of doing in the workplace and I don't think it went well. 

First, the woman who I shall rename the Wicked Witch of the West or WWW, told me to press my thumb and forefinger together on an instrument that would measure my strength. She kept yelling at me to grip it harder. Then she wanted me to crawl on the floor. Okay, no problem but not with my palms flat on the ground. Due to the chronic pain I've learned how to do things in a different way so that it doesn't hurt quite as much. She didn't like that either. Everything she asked me to do I tried to do it in a way where it did not cause a lot of pain. 

First and foremost, when someone is yelling at me for something like this, I don't do well. So automatically she put down that I couldn't do it. That is not what I said to her. When the woman  who is the actual therapist came in I was very vocal about "WWW's" bedside manner. Once she took over I was fine but the other one, or rather  "the assistant" should not be conducting these types of tests. The therapist understood what I was saying. She told me that it was common with chronic pain patients to do simple tasks a little bit differently because of the pain. 

She got it. 

The other one? 

I think they dropped a house on her sister and she hasn't gotten over it yet. She hasn't got the expertise or patience to deal with chronic pain patients and I don't have the patience to deal with her.

If I was stronger I probably wouldn't even be there.

I had to crawl, pull, lift and grip. What this has to do with the workplace is beyond me. Second, it's a snapshot. What I've been like since is what should be measured. I have been crashed and in pain since the test. Why not measure that?  What happens to people that push heroically to work while in extreme amounts of pain and then burn out? Is it noted that the work was done out of desperation or hardship? What is actually taken into account and what constitutes a disability? If given a choice would most people choose to abandon their career in favor a life changing event? 

Not many people that I know would make that choice and especially not me. 

I have no idea what this report will say. The woman asked me yesterday if I could go back to what I was doing before I got all of this. I can honestly answer that I cannot, however, I'm guilty until proven innocent. I have to be dragged down in all ways possible. I get to be dragged down physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially until they finally get the fact that I cannot do this anymore. I can't remember everything that I used to call up in a moments notice. I can't read contracts and remember them anymore. I can't deal with the stress and the physical demands of new home sales. 

So now I wait...

And wait...

And wait....


  1. I am keeping you in my prayers daily!!!

  2. Hi Rose,
    I'm sorry you had to deal with the WWW. I hope you are recovering from that. It is horrible how some people in a field where you would think the person might have some empathy or compassion but instead they are mean. And if someone asked me to crawl -- I'm not sure if I would do that. It hurts! You are brave to have gone through with that, esp., without telling her what her nickname on the WWW would be.
    I hope this day will bring you some moments of peace.
    Hugs to you!

  3. I just happen to read your blog so I am not knowledgeable of your situation. As one who has been through the ropes on this and learned the hard way. If you are applying for disability, the first thing you should do is know your rights! Hire an attorney specializing in this field. You do not have to see their doctor or medical personnel although they do not tell you this and insist that you do. Their medical personnel automatically have a built in prejudice as they are dropped from gov. referral lists if they don't deny claims. You have the right to see medical professionals of your own choosing for impartial assessment not theirs.

    Also, XMRV retrovirus may be associated with Fibro, ME/CFIDS, GWF. Phoenix rising forum is a good place for information on this.

    You write well, great pics.

  4. Thanks for the info! I joined the Phoenix Rising Forum just now! Thanks again and thanks for the compliment!


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