Wednesday, April 7, 2010


The one silver lining that I can find in the cloud of Fibromyalgia is the people that I've gotten to know that are suffering right along with me. 

We've never met face to face but I can assure you that we've met heart to heart. We have different backgrounds but a shared common purpose. We have different challenges that we've faced before in our lives but we have the same challenges that we continue to face. We have different life experiences but we have the same desire to go back to the life we once knew.

We face chronic pain that has forced us to look inward and still we do not ask, "what have I done?" Now we ask, "what do we do now?" 

We are fortunate because we have a medical community that is coming around to this invisible disease but we still have a long way to go. We are still afraid to open up about the severity and duration of the symptoms that we have. We feel like we sound neurotic to our doctors, to our friends and family and even to ourselves. We wonder if sometimes we are crazy.

We stress about the money that flies out the window. Whatever else may be said, Fibromyalgia isn't cheap. It changes our ability to make any sort of living. It changes the way we look at ourselves. It messes with our head and damages our self worth and self esteem. 

We want so desperately to rejoin the land of the living. The minute we do Fibromyalgia is right there slapping us in the face. This disease loves to let you know that it's lying just below the surface and has the power to rise up and snatch away any happiness that you might have. It will have you shooting pains on a day where you just start to feel wonderful and begin to let your guard down. It tells you that it can give you severe pain and it will never let you forget that it has the power of your life in its icy grip.

We hesitate to open up to anyone and gingerly step one toe in the water. Only when we get acceptance do we venture forward. I think we've become so used to people thinking that this is all in our heads that we don't know who we can trust with the devastation that resides inside of us. We try to keep everything that is going on inside of our bodies deep within us because we don't want to turn away the people that love us the most and we fear that if this continues no one will want to be around us.

What we need to tell each other is that we are truly not alone. If we can help just one person with chronic pain and fatigue then we've accomplished something wonderful. Maybe that is the one blessing that we can count. Whatever else we have in our lives; no matter how challenging and painful, if we can hold out our hands to one other person then we can hold our heads high.

We really aren't alone.

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