Thursday, April 1, 2010


I think
therefore, I am
This doesn't help me at all.

I'm pretty good at over-thinking my life. I'm back into the dig-it-up-and-resurrect-it-and-think-it-back-into-oblivion syndrome again. I have tried to look up this test that I'll have on Monday to no avail. I'm still not sure what I'll be doing but I know that I'm not looking forward to it. So I need to think about something else. 

Maybe a little free association ramblings.............

I was just on the verge of spring fever and then came the wind, cold and an increase in humidity. That is the perfect recipe for OW Soup and I've got a batch cooking right now. 

So far so good.............

Does anyone really have a real good day with this? I'm not talking about mentally.....I mean on a truly physical plane. Even on my good days, where I laugh and smile, I never really am out of pain. It might be semi-manageable but it's never really gone. 

What happens with you on a good day?  How do you really feel?

I am no stranger to thinking something to death. I'm no stranger to analyzing how I am or what I am doing with my life. I feel mixed up, unsure and then strong, confident and a warrior in charge of my life. I understand limitations and dislike them. I move forward and then take ten steps back. I see clearly and then everything is in a fog.

Let's take tonight. Finally, after a few months hiatus, the cooking queens are getting back together. I've looked forward to this for awhile but do you think I remembered it? Nope. My daughter sent me a text to remember to bring the rolling pin. What? The rolling pin? What and where? The humidity is climbing again and it seems that it affects, not only the pain levels, but the fibro fog.

I'm in an ambivalent state of being. I know that there will always be challenges but I'm in a coma when in comes to coping with them. A restlessness is surfacing.

I'm stuck right in the middle of acceptance and resistance.


  1. Hi Rose,
    This sounds pretty normal (as in same with me). I'm never out of pain, not completely. Even when my medication is blocking most of the pain, the stiffness and/or my tender muscles are still present. I find it quite depressing personally. Lately, I'm esp., struggling with the idea that I might be in pain the rest of my life.
    I'm also having one of the most severe episodes of brain fog I've ever had. Certain things, like paying my bills and filling out forms for my son, which I must do tomorrow morning, well, I simply could not do it on Thurs and Fri. I simply could not think. Horrible! I'll have to ask someone for help if I do not get better. But who I wonder? Who helps people who are too fatigued to think enough to pay a simple bill? Sigh...
    I keep falling, so to speak, and life continues to be a huge challenge every day!
    It's hard for me to even make a comment. My brain is like we say, in a complete fog! So, I hope you are having a pretty good day, whatever that means for you, when you read this.

  2. I know what you're saying. I have trouble remembering anything and everything. Sometimes bills are overwhelming! I just want to hide...
    Today is just one of those days..very depressing.....


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