Saturday, April 24, 2010


The good thing is that the pain hasn't been quite as intense as it has been the last few days. The bad thing is that the pain hasn't been quite as intense as it has been the last few days.   

Why is that, you ask? 

Well, when the pain spikes to an unbelievable level and you get even the slightest bit of relief, it's so overwhelming that you want to get down on your knees and accept a level of pain that on any other day would be extremely depressing. When it spikes that high and you thank God that you have gotten any relief at all and then you realize what will be with you always it is a very sobering experience. 

This is why I love the people that have become friends through blogging. They keep me real and grounded. They keep me in the loop and not so isolated. They also keep me in their prayers and I keep them in mine. They understand what I'm feeling and what I'm not feeling. I can pick up the phone because I know they will be there. 

I have to say that in this life of mine I have never put a lot of stock in "girl friends." I've had a close circle of girlfriends that is very small. One of my best friends I met in the 7th grade. There wasn't a lot of women in that circle. For the longest time I found it was a headache to have too many girlfriends. If I didn't call all the time I got grief. Then there was the gossip and all sorts of chit-chat garbage. I found it tiresome. It was easier not to let a lot of people in "the group."

Then something changed.

As I get older I find that women are wonderful. Gone are the politics and envy and what's left are women who are just trying to find their way in this goofy world. We find that we can genuinely enjoy our diverse experiences and opinions. We can agree to disagree. We can be there in joy, triumph, sorrow and accomplishment. The old saying is true. Men can come and go but a girlfriend is forever.

Now with the decreasing energy levels and pain involved with Fibromyalgia a new group of women have entered my circle of friends. These women truly understand but it's more than that. We've reached out in a way that I don't think we would have ever done before. It's a need for acceptance in a world that doesn't accept chronic illness. It's need for understanding in a world that doesn't understand chronic pain. It's the need to vent when no one else can stand to hear one more word about how we feel. It's the need to feel a touch when we can't stand for anyone else to touch us. It's a touch; albeit an invisible one,  but it still warms the heart.

I have found so many joys in blogging. Not only have I been able to open myself up and write about experiences that are either depressing or embarrassing but I've also been able to open up and ask for help. That, for me, is huge. I enjoy looking for new comments. Feedback is wonderful. I wish that everyone who reads my words would say what they think; whether that be a positive or negative opinion. I think all of us have a need for some sort of recognition and this arena is no different. I see all sorts of places and people that read this and I wish they'd let me know how, or if, this blog touches them.

So this is a little thank you to the people that follow me. Lynn-Marie, Michelle and CJ are wonderful women and I thank them so much for everything that they've given. The are truly angels and I want them to know that I appreciate them so much.

So tonight there's been a little relief from the pain. I will still be chugging pain medication this evening but at least it's not unbearable. I'll still need my heating pad so that I will get some warmth in these bones but thanks to some wonderful people in my life my heart is already warm.


  1. thanks for the I am laying here feeling like crap because I let my pain meds run out and the pharm doesn't open until 10!!!!I agree with EVERYTHING you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I have not been blogging lately, just have not been in the right frame of mind...:(

  2. OH NO! I have a fear of running out of those! Are you okay otherwise? What frame of mind are you in?

  3. Rose (by the way--do you prefer Rose, RoseMary, Rose Mary, or Hey You? **),
    I should have read your blog last night before I wrote mine. What an upper yours was. What a downer mine was. I honestly do feel like I am losing control. I am in the total depths of depression one moment and then feel almost "okay" (dare I say almost "normal") the next. But then, BAM, down the hole again. It is exhausting...and scary. And,I am so anxious that any noise sends me through the roof. I can't take my Xanax right now because it knocks me on my can and I still have focusing and concentrating I MUST do today (another topic for another day). But, I shall think of your blog and get warm fuzzies to help me thru the rest of my day. Thank you!


    **I haven't told you about the "persona" I must reflect to the world--She is who I was, but not who I am. She is the person with the great sense of humor who everyone looked to to find the funny, lighter side of life. She comes out now and again and I can force the issue if called upon at certain times. But she is the CJ I miss the most.

  4. Hi Rose,
    Well, what a wonderful post for me to have read tonight. I almost went to bed and came here first.
    Thank you! Your words came when I really needed to hear them tonight. I am feeling so alone, but to know that you think of me, and I of you, and CJ, well, I feel the same way about going in the hole fast and hard.
    Today I spoke to a sister. She said she just has to get out and do things and also work. I just said I had to go and got off the phone quickly. I got depressed again and back to bed for a short time.
    Why don't people, who know us, at least try to read about the illnesses we suffer. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia are so serious but people sure don't act like they understand this.
    I can't stand hearing people say, "But I have to do this or that," which are things I cannot do. The things people have that they have to work for are no more important than the dreams and goals and plans I once had.
    So, again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to talking with you.
    Your friend,
    dogkisses ps glad to know you experienced some relief.


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