Saturday, April 10, 2010


It's a catatonic state of being.
 You're sure that the earth is going to open up and swallow you and you wish it would. 

Your eyes glaze over and become as vacant as your soul. The cold and numb surrounds you and penetrates deep into your bones. It can't be happening to you, can it? 

Yes, it can.

As I read about friends who are getting hit hard from these toxic and destructive relationships I start to think again. I think about the bottom line and it's control. The need for absolute control. It's the overpowering need for absolute control. 

They have a sense of reality that is skewed to their needs and their needs only. Then there is the technique called gaslighting. I had never heard of this but it struck me to my core. It's manipulation by psychological means that makes you doubt your own memory and perception. Because you're in adoration mode they have the power to do this. I think this is the part of the game that they love the best and it works because what you want most from them is their approval. You want so badly to believe what they tell you. Even if you do confront them you almost feel bad about doing so because the explanations that they offer seem to make sense. Notice I said the word "seem." There's just something that's not quite right; you just can't put your finger on it but somewhere deep inside you know it's not right.  This is where the psychological manipulation comes in. 

He lives his own fantasy life and the woman he chooses must totally buy in or else he will tire of you. You are there for only a few purposes and they are: to keep him entertained, to feed him and to lay him. That's it. He'll even tell you he's very easy to get along with as long as you do those things and keep him number one in your life. Don't be on the phone when he comes in the door, have his dinner ready and get ready for bed. Sounds simple, huh? 

If you've gotten away you've truly dodged the bullet. I know that for a very long time you'll miss the man he's created for you but remember what characteristics he holds. All the goodness and light are illusions. Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing because underneath it is dark and the wolf has the power to destroy your soul. Even as I write this I can feel a twinge of sadness for what once was and then I remember what it did to me. The twinge goes away quickly.

I hurt for the women in their paths. You shake your head and wonder what went wrong. You were so perfect for each other. You were on top of the world and now you're in the depths of hell. He did know you like no one else ever did. He paid attention to you like no one else ever did. He made you feel like no one else ever did and the reason for this was that with every conversation, every time you opened up to him, every hurt and every weakness that was divulged went into the data bank. He was casing the joint and he knew every nook and cranny of you and how to use it to his benefit.

After a while you get angry and want him to hurt the way you were hurt. Unfortunately, that's impossible. He doesn't have the depth of emotion or the empathy necessary to feel this way. He will just be on to his next victim. If I can say anything to you it would be to heal yourself because he will never be healed. Never.

What do you get out of it?

Well, get him.

Isn't that enough?

It all falls under the category of: "be careful what you wish for, you just may get it."


  1. WOW, that is a pretty powerful post!!!!

  2. I have a friend involved with a brings back a lot of old memories. Thank goodness they are just that.........old memories but it did a lot of damage!

  3. Hi Rose,
    What a good article and perfect image/icon to go with it, since many of these predators, which a narcissist is, will literally gain control of your computer too!
    I wonder if I dodged a bullet or survived a wound from one? Perhaps both. I feel like I got hit with one, then dodged another by getting out when I did.
    Thank you for writing this.


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