Thursday, June 11, 2009


It's late.
The TV is on and I'm hoping I start to get tired.
My mind is on overdrive and I'm excited for tomorrow.

Isn't it amazing what we can get excited about? I'm excited to go to a doctor. I'm not crazy. I'm finally going somewhere where they won't think I'm crazy. I got a glimpse of what people really go through in this journey yesterday. I went to pain management and mentioned to him that I was finally getting in to the fibromyalgia clinic. He stepped back.......and looked at me with an almost disapproving look on his face and said, "You can find anything if you look hard enough." With that, the conversation ended and he told me to go on vacation.

OK, it's true. Put me on a beach and this Type A personality melts away into oblivion. I can be content doing absolutely nothing but reading and watching the waves. I feel no compulsion to put things into order or to constantly be on the move. I'm content to just sit and watch or to walk with my feet in the sand at waters edge. There's something to be said for a life where you wouldn't know stress if it jumped up and bit you but I haven't hit the lottery yet so it's not happening.

I came home and felt very lucky that I've been with a neurologist that didn't think this was all in my head. She put me on the right path with concern and support. I'd never seen the this-is-all-in-your-head-and-this-is-not-a-real-disease look before. I truly understand what my compadres must have felt as they maneuver through the maze of physicians that think this is a bunch of hooey. Compassion goes a long way.

So hear I am watching movies, waiting for tomorrow and I hurt and, of course, can't sleep. What did we ever do before DVD's and VCR's?

I have, what I like to call, my sleepy time movies. They are movies that I've seen hundreds of times and I never get sick of them. I can hear the first notes of Jaws and I'm already starting to nod off. I'm partial to disaster movies. I find it endearing to think that the coast can get wiped out by a giant tsunami or that a volcano can suddenly appear in the La Brea tar pits. We used to have movies on the TV's in the model homes. God forbid, Dante's Peak would have been one of the movies. People could have walked in and I'd be asleep at my desk. I guess as long as I wasn't drooling or snoring, it might have been ok. Tonight, though, it's a little adventure. I'm an Indiana Jones fan. I absolutely love these movies. They're light hearted and adventure filled and you know exactly how they'll end. They don't require a lot of thought and they are entertaining.
Indiana JonesImage via Wikipedia

As I'm watching this movie I realize I can finally put words to the pain I sometimes feel. Remember the kidnapped and brainwashed prince? He tries to defeat Indiana by a voodoo doll. There it is. It stopped Indy in his tracks. Can this be a new medical term?

What is your pain level?

It makes perfect sense to me. Legend has it that the eskimo's have hundreds of words for snow or the Hawaiians have hundreds of words for wave. We have adjectives but nothing that can describe that sensation that reaches up and slaps you just to get your attention. I will christen it my voodoo doll pain. It's also kind of sly. Just when you think you've got a part of your body pinned down it will migrate to another.

So tomorrow when I see if I've finally found a place to manage this pain, I can not look off into space to find a word to describe the pain I sometimes feel.

When I'm asked if it is cramping, aching, burning, tingling or sharp pain, I can now not have to stare off into space searching for the right word. When asked about the pain I can now confidently tell her exactly what kind of pain I have. Voodoo doll pain, ma'am. Voodoo.

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