Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I think the supplements are helping. What isn't working right now are the muscle relaxers. Just when I thought I might be getting some sleep, I find out the brain has a will of its own and is refusing to shut down again. I'm not sure whether it's the supplements or the fact that I was really sleeping for the first time in years. I'm just annoyed that it is over so soon.

I've have lasted longer on the supplements than I thought I would. Fish oil first thing in the morning is really nasty. I do manage to slug down the handfull that I take in the morning and then wash it down with a nice hot cup of caffiene. There are things that I can give up and then there are things that I can't. Caffiene is one of them. I don't care whether it's in coffee or diet coke form. It just better be there when I wake up.

Fog in the Park

Then there is this never-ending-always-frustrating brain fog. I'm trying memory puzzles to see if I can help dissipate this in any way. When this sucker rolls in, it really rolls in! It's like a looking through dirty glasses. The only way I can describe it is almost other worldly, like I'm watching myself from a distance. I find myself searching for the right word or wondering what I was looking up just a second ago. I have a sneaking suspicion that sticky notes are going to become my best friend. I just hope I remember where I put them.

I've tried so hard to find the person inside. I know she's in there somewhere. Is it the Fibromyalgia or depression that has me hiding from the world? I can go out but the only thing I want to do is go home. I have a few good days and then I don't recognize myself again. Damn. I hate this thing. I hate the fact that I'm limited. I hate the fact that I'm almost afraid to drive because of this stupid fog. I want to get angry enough that I push myself out of this black hole. I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I feel, I don't like what I weigh, I don't like the pain.............I don't seem to like much right now.

I take that back.

I like my bed.

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